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the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 1:29:11 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		I didn't know exactly where to post this seeing i am posting as a training collared submissive about to give my thoughts on the subject matter, and the post could be used constructively for Mistress's as well.At any rate,there was a thread not long ago about the good ones being taken.I can't remember if it was good subs or good Dominas but the point is..i think that it is hogwash.You see it took five years but i don't have a good one..i have a great one in Mistress Cat.I haven't read any Domina profiles in about 5 months but i am sure there are some great Dominas out there for all the submissives still searching.Conversely,there are just as many if not more great subs.Some may want to call it trial and error in searching and not having any luck in finding one.My point is there are enough great people in this lifestyle that no one should give up in their search.If anyone here ever heeds my advice on anything let it be that.I was about to pack it in when things turned for the better.This forum in a way made that possible.So all the Dominas and subs alike,feel free to chime in.
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RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 1:47:21 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Chezzy,

After five years of searching, you take a great dominant "off the market". Half a decade, in which you almost quit! That's called "All the good ones are taken." The word "all" is not a literal phrase, but it refers to the difficulty in finding a compatible, exceptional partner.

I certainly would not call it hogwash. That diminishes the plea of the downtrodden. 1,826 days of searching is nothing to scoff at.

Edit: The lesson here, I feel, is "Yes its hard, but don't give up." It's a quote I bunk with "The lord helps those who help themselves" and "luck favors the prepared."

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 3/13/2009 1:49:10 AM >

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to chezzy71)
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RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 3:54:57 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Your exuberance and enthusiastic rallying cry is more than admirable---and should be valued as such.
 
We as a world are far too quick to pee in our own wheaties then pout rather than evaluate our ability and our plan to get to end game.
 
                Is it better to keep trying? Or is it better to have never tried at all?
 

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to chezzy71)
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RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 5:02:54 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		So True!

I was the one (or one of many) who whined "All the good ones are taken."  In all actuality, my initial intention was not to complain about not being able to find a good sub for myself.  I was trying to give a backhanded compliment to all the excellent Dom/mes and subs who frequent these boards.  Many are very well matched with a mate, or more than one. 

It's sort of like the adage that a woman over 30 is more likely to be struck by lightning than to find a husband.  It seems that so many set the bar far to high when looking for a partner.  We all know how difficult it is to find a life mate in the normal, vanilla arena.  When one ads the extra burden of D/s on top of that basic human nature, it gets even more difficult to find a good match. 

To find a good match, sometimes we just have to put aside our unrealistic desires for the 'perfect' person and give some others a chance.  ...  Sometimes we find that the one who didn't live up to that perfect ideal that we set forth in our minds, is even more perfect a fit than we ever imagined. 

I've said it over and over again.  When my sweet Westy first approached me, I was reluctant.  He was to young.  I was looking for someone MY age, not my son's age.  But I had been disappointed by several men who's profiles were much closer to my ideal stats.  Frankly, none of them had the nerve to actually SHOW UP for a first meet.  I went into this situation with very low expectations and was totally overwhelmed by how perfect the boy is for me.  Yes, we've had some ups and downs... but the ups far out weigh the downs.  We are still learning things together and exploring new possiblities. 

The only others that I keep near and dear to my heart are to far away for us to actually get together.  One did visit once and Oh My!  If my Wall-e were closer, we would both be in trouble... but that's another story.

So yes, Virginina, there is a Santa Claus, and a Dom/me or sub out there for everyone.  It just takes some time to find the right one because all the good ones are not taken.  All sub males are not wankers and All Dommes are not gold diggers.... contrary to popular belief.  There are a few gems out there.  You just have to muck around a while to find the one that is perfect for you.  And the ones that YOU may not like may be perfect for someone else.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 6:49:40 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		It's usually not a matter of "good" or "bad" but a matter of compatibility and the willingness by everyone involved to do the work necessary to create and maintain healthy dynamics.

Someone who complains about not finding a partner or that there aren't "good" one left sends a message to my mind that they aren't willing to do the work necessary or they need to revisit their expectations seriously.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to chezzy71)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 8:35:44 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Some may want to call it trial and error in searching


As with all statistics, all you need is One

(in reply to chezzy71)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 9:59:44 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

It's sort of like the adage that a woman over 30 is more likely to be struck by lightning than to find a husband. 


I think it probably helps to find a husband if you don't need one.   Same is true of submissive or dominant partners, I imagine; the best investment you can make is always in yourself.


_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/13/2009 2:33:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

So True!

I was the one (or one of many) who whined "All the good ones are taken."  In all actuality, my initial intention was not to complain about not being able to find a good sub for myself.  I was trying to give a backhanded compliment to all the excellent Dom/mes and subs who frequent these boards.  Many are very well matched with a mate, or more than one. 

It's sort of like the adage that a woman over 30 is more likely to be struck by lightning than to find a husband.  It seems that so many set the bar far to high when looking for a partner.  We all know how difficult it is to find a life mate in the normal, vanilla arena.  When one ads the extra burden of D/s on top of that basic human nature, it gets even more difficult to find a good match. 

To find a good match, sometimes we just have to put aside our unrealistic desires for the 'perfect' person and give some others a chance.  ...  Sometimes we find that the one who didn't live up to that perfect ideal that we set forth in our minds, is even more perfect a fit than we ever imagined. 

I've said it over and over again.  When my sweet Westy first approached me, I was reluctant.  He was to young.  I was looking for someone MY age, not my son's age.  But I had been disappointed by several men who's profiles were much closer to my ideal stats.  Frankly, none of them had the nerve to actually SHOW UP for a first meet.  I went into this situation with very low expectations and was totally overwhelmed by how perfect the boy is for me.  Yes, we've had some ups and downs... but the ups far out weigh the downs.  We are still learning things together and exploring new possiblities. 

The only others that I keep near and dear to my heart are to far away for us to actually get together.  One did visit once and Oh My!  If my Wall-e were closer, we would both be in trouble... but that's another story.

So yes, Virginina, there is a Santa Claus, and a Dom/me or sub out there for everyone.  It just takes some time to find the right one because all the good ones are not taken.  All sub males are not wankers and All Dommes are not gold diggers.... contrary to popular belief.  There are a few gems out there.  You just have to muck around a while to find the one that is perfect for you.  And the ones that YOU may not like may be perfect for someone else.


While I wouldn't exactly call it "backhanded" the highlighted above is definitely one way that I often view the situation.  The reason I see it this way is because the theory gets proven time and time again.

Since you started the thread, chezz, I'm going to pick on you and use you as an example.  You may have spent those five years waiting for Cat to come along and snatch you up.  The thing is, I'd be willing to bet that some of that was encouraged by her getting a second look at you that at least started through the forums.  It actually happens pretty often.  People can spot good qualities of others through their opinions here.  It can lead to folks understanding the things they have in common, similar beliefs they have, and so on.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat on this side of the screen and made an assessment of a submissive who's come along here.  Quality does actually show through.  You can see it in the way many of us who are regulars respond to certain s types that frequent these boards.  Often, it's just a matter of time and circumstances.  If it wouldn't embarrass anyone, I could rattle you off a whole list of names of s types where this was exactly the case.

It's not an exact science.  I do know that there are some out there who I would definitely consider cream of the crop subs that it hasn't worked for them yet.  In the same breath, I could probably give you a good opinion on a few for whom I think it will happen next.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/14/2009 11:17:36 AM   
submaleinzona


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy71

I didn't know exactly where to post this seeing i am posting as a training collared submissive about to give my thoughts on the subject matter, and the post could be used constructively for Mistress's as well.At any rate,there was a thread not long ago about the good ones being taken.I can't remember if it was good subs or good Dominas but the point is..i think that it is hogwash.You see it took five years but i don't have a good one..i have a great one in Mistress Cat.I haven't read any Domina profiles in about 5 months but i am sure there are some great Dominas out there for all the submissives still searching.Conversely,there are just as many if not more great subs.Some may want to call it trial and error in searching and not having any luck in finding one.My point is there are enough great people in this lifestyle that no one should give up in their search.If anyone here ever heeds my advice on anything let it be that.I was about to pack it in when things turned for the better.This forum in a way made that possible.So all the Dominas and subs alike,feel free to chime in.


I concur with this statement.  Back in July, 2000, I put an ad on another site, and it only took a few weeks before I found someone.  That lasted for about six months, due to some incompatibilities and a few complications.  At that point, I decided to take a break from any social networking or dating sites, and I essentially stopped looking.  So, by not looking, I didn't find anyone, even if they were right under my nose.  But I decided to have another go at it, and within a couple weeks, I've already gotten a promising response to my ad.  It looks like things might be turning out well after all. 

I don't necessarily believe that I had given up all those years (although it might seem that way at times) - there were a number of reasons for that.  But the bottom line is, waiting just makes you older. 

Distance may also be a discouraging factor to some, especially in some of the remote, sparsely-populated regions.  Relocation is an option, as long as you can find a job and a decent place to live (which isn't always that easy, especially now).  But then, even if you do relocate and things don't work out somewhere down the line, do you go back to where you came from or what?  A lot of guys tend to be analytical, running through all kinds of "what if" questions and hypothetical scenarios through their mind, which can sometimes be paralyzing in the decision-making process. 

I don't really know if anyone can say that "all the good ones are taken" from any standpoint, since that's more subjective than anything else.  What is a "good one" as opposed to a "bad one" or a "mediocre one"?  I'm certain there must be a wide variety of opinions on that. 

(in reply to chezzy71)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/14/2009 1:00:28 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think anyone means "all the good ones are taken" completely literally, it's just another way of saying "it's hard to find someone who is compatible with me." That it took 5 years for you to find someone strongly supports that view, though obviously you feel it was worth the wait!

(in reply to submaleinzona)
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RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/14/2009 4:27:01 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't think anyone means "all the good ones are taken" completely literally, it's just another way of saying "it's hard to find someone who is compatible with me." That it took 5 years for you to find someone strongly supports that view, though obviously you feel it was worth the wait!


...he is also too circumspect to mention the times in there that is was disaster 101-so he wasn't "dry"--just trying to find his way.
 


_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: the good ones are all taken???...hardly - 3/16/2009 8:14:07 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I hadn't assumed that he hadn't dated anyone, more that he didn't find anyone good until you.

Personally, all but one of my relationships has been mostly good, things just didn't work out for one reason or another. I'm still on friendly terms with most of my ex-boyfriends. I'm just saying that "all the good ones are taken" just means to most people that it's hard to find a good one, and his original post seemed to support that!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 12
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