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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/14/2009 12:57:18 PM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

It's more like how do I open that door so it happens naturally?

It seems to me that you already have. Now, you have to be patient, compassionate and understanding if she chooses not to do it.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/14/2009 1:38:46 PM

crouchingtigress

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I know I am late to the party here, and you probally are not still reading OP....but can you tell me why she wants this?

I think I have some insight ofn this topic...but it all starts with the core motivation ellements.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/15/2009 12:23:43 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973

Talk about her fantasies and desires - it's likely that the more you explore / fulfill hers, the more likely she'll be to listen to yours. Find some decent cuckolding erotica (not porn, literature) and try reading it to each other.

How do you *know* that it's something she wants? If she's "not willing" to admit it, then you're probably not ready to start pushing things - she first needs to be to a point where she's comfortable talking about it. And you do need to talk about the good and bad consequences and how you'll handle them long before you start looking to move anything into the real world.

I agree with this.
You have to talk to her first. Explain what it's all about for you. Let her bring up her doubts and reassure her about them. You have to be able to talk it out and address her concerns just about the existence and meaning of the fantasies.

If you address her concerns successfully, she'll be comfortable with the mere fact of your fantasy's existence. Then you can start to incorporate them into the play between the two of you. (Keeping it still in the fantasy realm - but hopefully making it more off a shared fantasy now. Shared, because she understands it and is not threatened by it.)

Then you might have to further process those experiences, etc.

An example of what I mean by "play with"; I used to have a partner and we talked about various ways of sharing her. We never did it, and it was more my turn-on than hers, but I think she soon enjoyed it as a fantasy, and if we had stayed together longer, I think she would have eventually have been comfortable and even enjoyed dabbling in that reality.

But it was a step by step, very slow process of getting used to the idea first.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 3/15/2009 12:26:01 PM >

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/15/2009 5:03:42 PM

DavanKael

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I strongly agree with the many voices you've already heard say that you need to communicate far more than you are and within a more substantive sense of reality.
Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/15/2009 6:26:01 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

I know my wife too well and know that if the right person who could dominate her mentally and physically came along, she would let loose. We have talked about this many times and she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I. I know I would have no issues finding a dominant male that would control her and cuckold me to some extent. She, however, does not think I could do it and give control of her to someone else.
Any ideas out there. ANyone out there understand where I am at?

Mmmmmmmm....how remarkably beautiful that she's even discussing it with you.

Proceed.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/16/2009 7:19:42 AM

feydeplume

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~FR~
Sorry if i am repeating anything folks, but this made me laugh so hard I just want to deal with the post itself and not all the great and lucid advice that has been given.

quote:

I know my wife too well and know that if the right person who could dominate her mentally and physically came along, she would let loose.

Congratulation for realizing that you are not the D for her and being man/person enough to step out of the way and try to help this woman that you love to find a more fulfilling relationship, you bastard. Isn't this just another way of saying that you aren't a D to her and want someone else to do that and you want something else, some other dynamic than she and you presently are (i guess) trying to maintain.

quote:

We have talked about this many times and she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I.

The fact that this has come up "many times" and she sticks to her guns that another D, for her, means a new LOVE and that it would, for her, end the relationship between you two, says tons for her intergrety and even more about how oh so not compatable your two really are.

quote:

I know I would have no issues finding a dominant male that would control her and cuckold me to some extent.

Cucklod you completely. And help her file for divorce and get the lion's share of joint property as well. She, at least, seems aware that she can serve only one D at a time, and if she were to get a (giggle) REAL D in her life, she would have no room or reason to have you in her life anymore.

quote:

She, however, does not think I could do it and give control of her to someone else.

Is it possible that she doesn't want to loose her marriage and is not willing *yet* to go through divorce because of her needs and desires in a D/s dynamic? If her new (and real) D didn't have a use for you in HIS world, you would be gone and perhaps she loves you, yes loves you, so much that she is willing to have less of her kink for the sake of love and marriage with and to you.

quote:

Any ideas out there. ANyone out there understand where I am at?

Yes I actually do have some ideas. The one that might help you and her still have a relationship is to 'shop' for a D or M that wants a poly household and is activily looking for slaves. Just don't expect to have anywhere near the closeness and passion that you have with your wife.

IF YOU need to have a D or M in YOUR life, then look for one and talk with her about that. There are both male and female D/Ms that will happily have a spare set of hands in the room and help around the house from a good houseboy that will give you your cockuld kink and NOT break your marriage (maybe). I think you really need to think outside the box here and spend some SERIOUS time with yourself figuring out your kinks and wants and desires and fantasies. I mean days or writing and re-writing and thinking and being really self-critical and aware.

This doesn't sound, from what you have said, that it is about your wife's ick factor for having a manly bull, but rather your desire to not be her D or even A D for anyone.

I wish you and her the best and hope that you find some solutions that allow the marriage to remain stable and loving while getting the sexual and personal needs of the two partners met.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/16/2009 3:53:17 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Big clue here..
If that is her first thought.. it indicates that if someone came into her life there would be no need for you.
Are you ready for that possibility? It is not your need that she is concerned about. It is her need of you.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO
she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I.

This is a pretty good point.
How have you addressed her concern about that (the part in red)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume
...I think you really need to think outside the box here and spend some SERIOUS time with yourself figuring out your kinks and wants and desires and fantasies. I mean days or writing and re-writing and thinking and being really self-critical and aware....

Sounds good.
I don't think you have to completely explain yourself in psychoanalytic terms, but it's good to be as clear as possible about potentially complex stuff like this.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 3/16/2009 3:54:23 PM >

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/17/2009 6:53:11 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MG4Apuppygirl
Make sure you have all your finances together and a plan to get out debt free with a superannuation scheme. Once your cuckold that's it for you buddy. Your arse is grass and you lose ALL rights or say in her sexual activity and you should start learning how to suck cock and swallow other mens semen from her cunt. Not to mention her hiring you out to be fucked up the arse and kept in chastity permanently.
Enjoy your little fantasy on line

Stop giving the man the perfect dream life he wants with your words... Since his wife doesn't seem to see this as a real option.

M

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/17/2009 7:23:26 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

I know my wife too well and know that if the right person who could dominate her mentally and physically came along, she would let loose. We have talked about this many times and she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I. I know I would have no issues finding a dominant male that would control her and cuckold me to some extent. She, however, does not think I could do it and give control of her to someone else.
Any ideas out there. ANyone out there understand where I am at?

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrcccccccccchhhhhhhhhh, screech--that's the sound of fantasy and latex skidding to reality.

bang bang bang, that's the sound of the divorce court gavel--you lose.

Man as has been stated, you have a few things to deal with before you get to this point--your fantasy is the least of what you need to face.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/17/2009 7:45:08 AM

LadyPact

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First of all, OP, I think you are using the term "cuckold" in an entirely different sense than I would. My understanding of the word seems to be not quite matching up to what you are hoping for.

As to the rest of the post, it's completely amazing to Me that so many other people can hear what your wife is really saying, and you seem to be missing it. There's a difference between her having a sexual encounter with another man, and wanting another man to be sexually, physically, and mentally Dominating her. She may be the type of person who can only have one person in that role for her. If I were in your shoes, I'd be grateful that person happens to be the one she's married to.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/17/2009 5:12:21 PM

MasterRaid

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

I know my wife too well and know that if the right person who could dominate her mentally and physically came along, she would let loose. We have talked about this many times and she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I. I know I would have no issues finding a dominant male that would control her and cuckold me to some extent. She, however, does not think I could do it and give control of her to someone else.
Any ideas out there. ANyone out there understand where I am at?

Ok first at reading this I see two things that make Me think.
One: she has blatently told you she doesn't think you could handle this. So My question here is...why would you wish to set her up for failure when the relationship is not yet ready regardless of what one of you thinks?
Two: If this is something you are attempting to do for her why are you bringning yourself into the equation? That would make this a self serving one and not a giving one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

It is something I know she wants but is afraid to admit it. She is submissive to me and it would not be forced on her. It's more like how do I open that door
so it happens naturally?

Again you are stating that she is telling you she is not mentally ready for this and you are contradicting yourself. You do not wish to force it yet you are asking how to broach a subject she is telling you no on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

We have had experiences with two men over the years. WHile it never became resular because of distance, seeds were planted.
She is very open to finding a dominant male, but hesitant in admitting her feelings about letting someone other than me control her mentally

Now you are confusing with the statements. Now she is open to it where previous statements say she was not. I can empathize with what you are attempting to do, truely I can, but I hope you understand that I caution you to slow this thought process down a bit as I think you will cause more waves in your shared experience. I would hazzard a guess that your girl's value system is set in such a way that she needs to examine what she calls love and what she calls pleasure before you attempt to push her into something she is telling you she feels she is not wanting just yet.

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RE: Wife has Doubts - 3/18/2009 1:38:36 AM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealinNortheastO

I know my wife too well and know that if the right person who could dominate her mentally and physically came along, she would let loose. We have talked about this many times and she always states that if she falls for someone else, where would the relationship be between her and I. I know I would have no issues finding a dominant male that would control her and cuckold me to some extent. She, however, does not think I could do it and give control of her to someone else.
Any ideas out there. ANyone out there understand where I am at?

Yes., You appear to be having difficulties understanding the basic differences between 'yes' and 'no'.

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