Guilty Feeling

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Aly055 -> Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 5:24:25 PM)
I'm new to the lifestyle but I've been working with a dom for the last few weeks and things have been going really well. The thing is I really messed up the other day. I ended up meeting with another dom and things ended up going further than they should have. My dom and I had agreed to be momogonous this was very important to me. Anyway after I left the other doms place I went straight to my dom to tell him what I had done. I knew I really needed to do this as hard as it was. I wasn't sure what to expect. I know it would be fully within his right to get rid of me but I was hoping that wouldn't happen. I talked with him for quite a while about what had happend and he asked me details how far things had gone what I had done what the other dom had done. The thing was I got caught up in what was going on and stopped using my brain after all was said and done I knew how much I had messed up. My dom thankfully decided to keep my however I ended up with a very severe spanking (remeber I'm new to things so for me this was more than enough definntly not a pleasureable pain spanking) I also agreed to do pretty much whatever to gain his trust back. Part of that involves my promise that my only goal will be his pleasure that I will forgo any until such a time that he feels I have earned it back. The thing is after the spanking we ended up doing some stuff which left me feeling really confused becasue although one of the things involved zero pleasure for me the other did. I'm just really confused becasue I know I'm not forgiven all the way yet and I don't know where I stand I guess. I guess it's just the not knowing for sure what's going on that is making things even worse. I'm assuming the major physical punishment stage is over. The thing is I'm still feeling exceptionally guility for what I did I disappointed him which is horrible for me I hate diappointing people I care about, but I diappointed myself too. I guess I'm just finding that I'm still beating myself up over it and I'm not sure if I should still be beating myself up or what. Any adive or comments would be greatly appreciated. You can message me privatley if you want. Sorry for the rambling I just don't know who to talk to about things.

BeIgnited -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 5:55:43 PM)
A question for you, and one I don't expect you to answer here, just think about: Why were you meeting with another Dom in an environment where it would be possible for things to go too far? I'm guilty of misreading signals in the past and assuming strictly platonic intentions of others when it's really something else entirely, but by the way you presented things here it seems more like you went on something resembling a date with this other dom. I think the why of this would be worth figuring out (for you). To another point: What's the purpose of punishment here? I'm assuming it's to keep this from happening again. In my opinion, a punishment that can drag on indefinitely doesn't achieve that. Were I in your situation, I'd discuss with your dom, at length, the why, and ask for a more clearly defined punishment because I think it allows for both of you to put this in the past and move on. Know that this has probably been a blow to his trust in you and it will likely take a good bit of time and effort (on both your parts) to build it back up. This doesn't mean that torturing you over this is acceptable or useful, however.

catize -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 6:20:10 PM)
1. Monogamy is important to you, 2. yet you met with another man, 3. at his house, 4. and ‘somehow’ 5. things went ‘too far’. 6. Then, you went straight to the person you betrayed so you could confess. 7. and the fact you disappointed him is horrible for you??? I think you were confused about several things waaay before the punishment. It is my observation that if something is important in our lives; we don’t toss it aside quite so easily. Perhaps you need to reconsider your stance on monogamy. And maybe look at why you were so eager to confess.

RealSub58 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 6:42:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize 1. Monogamy is important to you, 2. yet you met with another man, 3. at his house, 4. and ‘somehow’ 5. things went ‘too far’. 6. Then, you went straight to the person you betrayed so you could confess. 7. and the fact you disappointed him is horrible for you??? I think you were confused about several things waaay before the punishment. It is my observation that if something is important in our lives; we don’t toss it aside quite so easily. Perhaps you need to reconsider your stance on monogamy. And maybe look at why you were so eager to confess. She's 19. And bored soooooo Her pussy needed some patting prodding pushing ...... Her ass wanted to know what a real spanking felt like..... And she has a hell of a lot to learn about anything. NEVER MAKE A PROMISE YOU CANNOT KEEP. If you don't know about monagamy how do you know what a promise is? You pretty much either just changed your profile or alreadys cant keep your own word on your own profile.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 7:05:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize 1. Monogamy is important to you, 2. yet you met with another man, 3. at his house, 4. and ‘somehow’ 5. things went ‘too far’. 6. Then, you went straight to the person you betrayed so you could confess. 7. and the fact you disappointed him is horrible for you??? I think you were confused about several things waaay before the punishment. It is my observation that if something is important in our lives; we don’t toss it aside quite so easily. Perhaps you need to reconsider your stance on monogamy. And maybe look at why you were so eager to confess. What she said. Plus, all i can say is this: if monogamy is so importat to you, why were you meeting with another Dom? Were things not going as well as you thought and you wanted a "back up?" Monogamy might be important to you, but maybe you aren't sure yet that He is "the One," in which case the monogamy agreement was made too soon.

Aly055 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 7:54:35 PM)
When I meet with the other dom I wasn't looking for anything other than a friend. I'm normally very intelligent and normally I keep my head in situations. We were just talking about basic stuff in a public place to begin with then the conversation starting turning to lifestyle topics. Local munches where you can buy toys in the area and stuff. Mind you we live in Maine so it's hard to find other people in the lifestyle in our area. It's a very closed community so we decided to move the conversation elsewhere. At the time I felt comforable so we headed toward his house this being the first stupid choice I made. I just ended up not thinking about what was happening I was riding on feelings alone and was just being plan stupid and not thinking. By the time I did start thinking things had gone further than they should have. Mind you I'm not saying we jumped into bed and had sex but it was more than just talking so therefore it was too far. The other dom told me I didn't have to tell my dom and that I hadn't done anything wrong, but I knew he was wrong. I had done something wrong and I owed it to my dom to tell him the truth. I could have not said anything and maybe he would or wouldn't have found out, but I would have known what I had done and it would have affected things between us. I beleive in telling the truth and facing the consequences of your actions when you've done something wrong. I don't mind him being diappointed in me it's just exceptionally hard becasue it wasn't here is what you've done and here is the punishment. It's just really open ended. All I want to do is earn his trust back. I know this is going to take a very long time, but for me it's worth it. I look back and I can't believe that I did what I did. I know what I did is wrong and trust me between myself and my dom and I don't need any help being beaten up for what I've done. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I guess I need to talk to him some more which is hard because he's away for the weekend so. I just know I can't keep going the way I did today. I'm mentally exhuasted already becasue I'm so worried about what I did and I'm incrediably guility about it. If I could do something to take it back I would, but I can't

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 8:21:23 PM)
i wasn't meaning to beat up on you. i know i've done stupid things in the past too, and the best thing to be is honest. i agree. The best of luck to both of Y/you in working this thing out.

catize -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 8:23:59 PM)
quote: I beleive in telling the truth and facing the consequences of your actions when you've done something wrong. However, you are here complaining about the consequence. I may or may not agree with this particular dominant’s choice of action, but you are not facing the consequences, you are whining about them. quote: and trust me That is sort of funny under the circumstances. quote: and I don't need any help being beaten up for what I've done. You confessed to him and didn’t like what he did, and now you are confessing to us and don’t like what we are saying. You really need to do some introspection on your need to confess. If you want absolution, find a priest!

InkedDsCouple -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 9:53:38 PM)
if you were in a monogomous relationship with him what were you doing with another Dom? Did you bother to tell that other Dom that you were in a monogomous relationship and if so did it not occur to you that he should have put a stop to it before it went to far? if you did tell him then ask yourself why you were with someone would willing to use another man's girl without permission... if you didn't tell him then ask yourself why you were with another Dom and not tell him. If he was a respectible Dom he would have never allowed anything to happen if he knew and if he's not a respectible Dom then you should've been smart enough to not be with him anyway. I wouldn't presume to to judge your Dom's choice of punishment but you certainly would have paid a much higher price if you had been mine... hhhhmmm and perhaps the guilt and disappointment you're feeling are part of his prescribed punishment.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 10:42:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aly055 I'm new to the lifestyle but I've been working with a dom for the last few weeks and things have been going really well. The thing is I really messed up the other day. I ended up meeting with another dom and things ended up going further than they should have. "Ended up?" Um, no. You made choices that allowed this to happen. If you'd not wanted to be in such a situation, you could have chosen not to. My dom and I had agreed to be momogonous this was very important to me. No, it wasn't. You can say that all you want, but your actions belie you. You have only been with this dom a few weeks, and already you're screwing around? I don't mean to be harsh, just blunt: Your actions are those of someone who is not ready for monogamy. That's fine- you're young and should take time before you commit, to avoid exactly this sort of scenario. The problem starts when you make promises you can't keep, and people who trust you get hurt. So just don't make those promises. I'd sit down and have an honest talk with your dom and just say you've got some more growing up to do, and until you've gained a new level of maturity and insight into yourself, you don't feel it would be right to either of you, to continue with a promise that you couldn't even keep for a whole month. I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear this sort of frank talk coming from you, instead of that "being monogamous is very important to me" crap.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 10:43:41 PM)
There is no point in continuing to beat yourself up over it, it will solve nothing. i don't mean to sound harsh, but you did break a promise and you did hurt Someone Else in the process. Now you feel guilty. your Dom is the One you did wrong. we can't forgive you, He is the only One Who can make that call. As for the consequences, all actions, good or bad, have them. All i can say is, suck it up and go from there. It's called "personal responsibilty for your own actions."

califsue -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/14/2009 11:36:19 PM)
First off, you made a mistake for whatever reason. You told your Dom. IF your Dom has forgiven you then let it go. Continuing to beat yourself up over something that has been forgiven is a waste of time. As Crazyredhead stated you have to take responsibility for your actions that led up to whatever happened. Your Dom is the only one who can forgive you and once he has even though you may have to go through steps to gain his trust then LET IT GO.

Aly055 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 6:21:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InkedDsCouple if you were in a monogomous relationship with him what were you doing with another Dom? Did you bother to tell that other Dom that you were in a monogomous relationship and if so did it not occur to you that he should have put a stop to it before it went to far? if you did tell him then ask yourself why you were with someone would willing to use another man's girl without permission... if you didn't tell him then ask yourself why you were with another Dom and not tell him. If he was a respectible Dom he would have never allowed anything to happen if he knew and if he's not a respectible Dom then you should've been smart enough to not be with him anyway. I wouldn't presume to to judge your Dom's choice of punishment but you certainly would have paid a much higher price if you had been mine... hhhhmmm and perhaps the guilt and disappointment you're feeling are part of his prescribed punishment. The other dom did know that I was in a monomogomous relationship. When I was talking to my dom after that part of his thoughts he was disappointed in me but at the same time he questioned the other doms actions. I'm sure the guilt and disappointment I'm feeling is part of the punishment, but I also know that I have classes starting again this week and that I'm going to need to be able to focus on them and not constantly be thinking about this. I'm sure the only reason the punishment was what it was is because of me being new to everything, but at the same time I wish the physical punishment was worse if it meant that it was done and over instead of me not knowing.

Aly055 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 6:24:02 AM)
Thanks everyone for all the comments.

sirsholly -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 6:25:47 AM)
quote: And maybe look at why you were so eager to confess. this has me wondering as well...

kallisto -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 6:35:06 AM)
I think one of the most important lessons for you to learn is that you have to step up to the plate and take responsibilty for your actions. This is what I did, I screwed up, I learned x and y, and it won't happen again. Then don't make the same mistake twice. This will go a long in showing your maturity and level of responsibilty (yes, responsibility even on this side of the slash - /s I think deep down you knew what you were doing was wrong (if you were truthful about the monogamy). By confessing you're trying to get absolution. I don't think you'll find that here. At 19, take a step back and see if you are really ready for all the responsibility that goes with a monogamous relationship. There are young adults that are and they blow the hinges right off the argument that young adults don't know what they want or can't handle. Then there are those, like you, who may not know what they want and need time to grow and mature.

Aly055 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 6:56:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: And maybe look at why you were so eager to confess. this has me wondering as well... I wasn't exactly eager to confess, but my dom was going away for the weekend and I knew that if I didn't tell him that the longer I waited the harder it would be. I could have not told him but I would have known that I was lying to him and it would have affected things between us anyway. After screwing up the way I did I knew I needed to tell him the truth. I owed it to him and myself to take responsability for my actions. I didn't know what to except when I was on my way over I knew that he had every right to end things I was just hoping he wouldn't. If he didn't I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me to earn his trust back. I also know that no matter what I do there will always be the thought in the back of his mind.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 7:32:31 AM)
Next time think about the consequences of your actions before you do anything. Think before you act, not the other way around.

DarkSteven -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 8:27:36 AM)
One of the wonderful things about D/s is that the s MUST trust the D. When he says it's over, it's over. It will take some getting used to, but once his punishment is over, you are in the clear.

Maya2001 -> RE: Guilty Feeling (3/15/2009 8:56:46 AM)
before we ever hit puberty we already have a solid concept of right from wrong, most would know betrayal , cheating is very wrong using the excuse that you are new to a lifestyle, that the other Dom knew is your way of refusing to take responsibility for your actions and attempting to lay the blame elsewhere .. so in my eyes your punishment has taught you absolutely nothing

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