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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/15/2009 10:38:31 AM

DomM&SubK

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Joined: 11/21/2008
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As a Dom and Master i think that you really need to email my Sub K on our profile I know that she will be able to help you out with this thought and working thrwe this since she has had other subby friends mess up. Master M

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/15/2009 3:02:19 PM

honeygirl

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I don't mean this in a harsh way, I'm simply curious: what are you looking to get from your posting? Do you want advice or our review of the situation? Or are you solely looking to get this off your chest?

At first, it seemed like your goal was to expatiate your guilt via confession, however, the below causes me to think that you might have some other aim in mind.

Do you feel that if you were less "new" to all this, you would have received a lesser punishment?

My 2c -- the guilt you're feeling is all of your own making (rightfully so, in my opinion). Are you used to people laying a guilt trip on you as a form of punishment? This might be the reason you seem to feel that guilt is part of [his] punishment. If you actually do feel guilty about what you did, you should look within yourself to take responsibility for yourself -- and so that you will control yourself and not do things that you know you or those you respect will feel are wrong. That should include not helping to blame others for the wrong you have perpetrated, in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aly055
The other dom did know that I was in a monomogomous relationship. When I was talking to my dom after that part of his thoughts he was disappointed in me but at the same time he questioned the other doms actions. I'm sure the guilt and disappointment I'm feeling is part of the punishment, but I also know that I have classes starting again this week and that I'm going to need to be able to focus on them and not constantly be thinking about this. I'm sure the only reason the punishment was what it was is because of me being new to everything, but at the same time I wish the physical punishment was worse if it meant that it was done and over instead of me not knowing.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/15/2009 4:14:28 PM

DavanKael

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Joined: 10/6/2007
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Age is no excuse for impulsive, unsafe behavior, imo.
For me, what you did would be a deal-breaker pure and simple.
Consistency and honor are important.
Davan

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/16/2009 4:06:10 PM

tazzygirl

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to be perectly honest, you should be counting your lucky stars he didnt drop you! instead of coming here to whine about your exams and the stress this will cause you, you should be taking this time to consider the pain you caused him. what would happen if he saw this thread? relationships are sacred... even more so within the lifestyle. trust is one of the cornerstones... one you broke. you now stand on shakey ground. dont you think your time would be better spect reflecting on your actions?

and if you think im coming down too hard on you... imagine if he had just looked at you and said "bye"

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/16/2009 6:30:05 PM

greeneyedreamer

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I believe she confessed because she realized she f'ed up. So rather than make it worse, like he found out much later... and was hurt... she took the Grown up way out... confess, get it over with, take her consequences, and move on one way or the other. The dom realized he could punish her and did. And thinks she's worth another chance.. Honesty made that happen!

All in my humble opinion!

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/16/2009 6:43:19 PM

feydeplume

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"My dom and I had agreed to be monogamous this was very important to me."

WHY was this important to you? Because YOU don't want to be cheated on or because you think it is the 'only' real way, or because you have had issues in the past, or because he pushed for it and made you promise, cross your heart hope to die?

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/16/2009 8:51:42 PM

crazyredhead1957

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Joined: 12/10/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

I believe she confessed because she realized she f'ed up. So rather than make it worse, like he found out much later... and was hurt... she took the Grown up way out... confess, get it over with, take her consequences, and move on one way or the other. The dom realized he could punish her and did. And thinks she's worth another chance.. Honesty made that happen!

All in my humble opinion!

Taking "the Grown up way out" is a really good thing. But rather than whining here about the punishment, she should accept it, tell her D "Thank You," for doing it & realize how lucky she is that He didn't just show her the door. And who is to say that He wasn't hurt anyway, even though she told Him sooner than later. Just my opinion for what it's worth.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 5:52:22 AM

InTonguesslave

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you did the right thing by confessing - if you hadnt it would have undermined youre submission to him, based im supposing on trust and respect for each other. so you did that.

sometimes we do things we shouldnt, it was a bad call on youre part but at 19 i think youre allowed to be a bit naive.

now you have to live with what you did - cant change that, its done, so live with it and just find ways to show youre Dom that youre serious about youre promises to him. step up youre game, do those little things he asks of you and more, find ways to please him and show him youre sorry and on board now. get proactive, stop wishing to change something you cant change, write him a letter, buy him a pressie, anything, whatever, just make some gestures to him that he is important to you and youre doing youre best to make it better and youre thinking about him and caring how he feels.

i screwed up last night, badly. so today ive done a couple of things to show him i care about him that im sorry, that im thinking of his needs, that it isnt all about me, its about him and how much i want to do better, how much better i can do.

words mean very little sometimes, actions cut through more.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 6:21:15 AM

Aly055

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Since my last post things have gone very well. I wouldn't have blamed my dom one bit if he had wanted to end things. I was the one who wanted momogony part of it is I wouldn't want him playing with someone else and part is just because I believe in being with one person. As for the punishment the reason it was what is was is because I had told him the truth which meant something. If I hadn't told him right away it would have been much worse. I wasn't trying to whine when I posted this although I guess it did come across that way. I was just very confused I didn't know if me beating myself up was part of my punishment I guess I had expected worse. Now I know why it was what it was. I'm good to go now and we're working on things. Anyway I know I messed up big, I got my punishment and now I'm working on earning his trust back.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 7:35:20 AM

LaTigresse

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Good luck.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 7:38:15 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I'm glad that things are starting to go better. There are several lessons you can take away from this:

1) Other Doms will be interested in you whether you profess monogamy or not. Him telling you that you could keep things a secret from your Dom was a giant red flag. It means that he either knew that what he was doing was wrong or knew that you felt it was and yet he proceeded. Your Dom was absolutely right in feeling that the other Dom should have known better.

2) Guilt often lingers after a punishment. This is a good thing. It reminds us not to screw up again that way. It is only unhealthy when it becomes all consuming or doesn't go away after a moderate period of time.

3) Your Dom seems like a very good man. He took the time to talk things out with you, gave a punishment, and is ready to move on. He set an excellent example and you have grown to trust him more deeply because of it. That's exactly the way a BDSM relationship should work.

We all make mistakes - there is no getting around it. Sometimes punishment is the result of those mistakes. I would much rather be punished and start with a clean slate than to feel that something is hanging over my head for the rest of the relationship. I'm proud of you for confessing, and I truly hope that you learned many lessons from it. I think that you have the potential to be a very pleasing sub. Just learn to say "no" if meeting with another who wants to see you privately. Remember that you allowed things to get out of hand and hurt someone else by doing so and your resultant guilt and it should be easy.

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 10:43:15 AM

tamedspirit

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if yours had been a "vanilla" relationship what you did was classed as cheating , you agreed to be monogomous ,you broke the agreement you are lucky to have a Dom so willing to forgive .

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 11:20:55 AM

crazyredhead1957

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Aly055,
Yes, you are very lucky. Many Doms, or anyone else for that matter, would not be so forgiving. Cheating is cheating, no matter what lifestyle you are in & not to be taken lightly.

TamedSpirit,
i saw your "joined" date...Welcome to the site. *smiles and offers a welcome hug*

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RE: Guilty Feeling - 3/17/2009 11:28:47 AM

tamedspirit

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thank you crazy red head.. i am not new to the site just back with a new profile after some time away to get my head around things ~smiles~

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