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Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 5:41:00 PM   
unfaithed


Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to apologize in advance if this seems crazy-go-nuts or all out of sorts, but I'll try my best to express myself clearly.

I've realized recently that I can't remember what it felt like when I was with previous partners. Some I was with for a short time, so I've accepted that as just not enough time to build up the memory. But for some that I was with for years at a time, I can't quite understand.  Being in a new relationship, I'm trying to use my own experience to guide me, and I'm finding it nearly impossible.  I can't remember the physical sensations, nor can I recall the emotions I felt.

Is that just part of moving on?  Once we get over someone, do we block out these feelings? I feel like if I was truly connected with them, I should be able to recall something specific about our time together.  Does anyone else experience this? If so, do you view it as a problem?  I guess I'm most concerned about how I can learn from my mistakes if I can't remember them...
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 6:06:12 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unfaithed

Is that just part of moving on?  Once we get over someone, do we block out these feelings?


I don't. But I sometimes wish I could. If I could forget how good it felt, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much to not have it anymore.


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to unfaithed)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 6:17:07 PM   
Exposition


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		You don't remember anything specific at all? It's normal to forget some details, as well as most of the emotional state you were in, but not being able to recall anything seems pretty strange.

Did you try looking at pictures of you and your previous partner(s)? Reading diary-entries about them, perhaps? Going through memorabilia of your relationships?

If all else fails, I recommend starting a private (live)journal and regularly noting down your thoughts about the relationship you are currently in. Even though forgetting is hardly to be called a mistake, there's no reason not to learn from it. You now know that you tend to forget and need to write down your mistakes in order to remember them for selfanalysis. Use that knowledge.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

I don't. But I sometimes wish I could. If I could forget how good it felt, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much to not have it anymore.


If it still hurts enough to bother you, you are not over him. Or her. Or them, whatever floats your boat.

(in reply to unfaithed)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 6:29:32 PM   
BohemianGoddess


Posts: 266
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		I think that perhaps because you no longer have a connection with them that your mind has just moved forward. Even though you may have had some great experiences in past relationships and may have even cared deeply for some of them it is just a normal part of life to move on mentally and emotionally. I was married for 11-ish years and can't really remember certain things either. I believe that we keep what we need in our noggin, the experience to guide you through your new relationships is right where it needs to be and clues or red flags will come to guide you if needed. You will do just fine and all is quite normal.

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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 6:35:53 PM   
Exposition


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I forgot to mention that I tend to overanalyse. 

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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 6:56:20 PM   
BohemianGoddess


Posts: 266
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		  Exposition, I thought you did great with your reply. You deserve a  Doctorate for that well thought out responce.

< Message edited by BohemianGoddess -- 3/16/2009 7:01:21 PM >

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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 7:13:49 PM   
SirJ40


Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		I recall the existence of the feelings, and could dredge them up if I wished... I recall the facts, the incidents, and the activities... but do I recall how it felt physically, no.


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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/16/2009 10:40:32 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		If there was trauma involved, there could be the impulse to block things out. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

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-Me

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170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

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-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to SirJ40)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/17/2009 7:11:46 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I can't remember what it was like either. I can remember *things we did* but I can't *feel* the feelings at will. Sometimes a situation might cause me to remember something specific and I might feel something similar due to the memory of it but otherwise, nope.

I don't want to either ..What I *felt* in the past is IN the past and not relevant to how I feel today. I think that feelings we have toward other people in the past simply become less significant and have less impact once time has passed.

I can recall that I was devastated when my husband died, but I don't want to have to *feel* that, in the here and now. It's not necessary to *feel* it to know it was awful. In some ways, it would be crippling if we didn't *lose* these feelings and we don't really have control over what our minds will store and what it won't; It tends to retain what it wants to.

agirl











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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/17/2009 7:31:03 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think it is normal.  I know i cared for my paly partners and even felt something for my ex master.  I don't activily feel it though.  Maybe it is because of the love i have with my Master is blocking all that out.  It is the past and you should just be concered with what you have in the present.   

Matt's littleone

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/17/2009 3:21:25 PM   
kikkikat


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline 		I remember parts of the relationship I was in and out of for 6 years.  I also wish I didn't at times - moving on would have been easier if I didn't remember how that all felt. 

Maybe this is your mind's way of keeping you in the moment and letting you move on. 

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/17/2009 3:25:35 PM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		due to my shitty childhood and drugged out adolecence i had alot of issues with dealing with not remembering what i thought was important, your concious mind doesnt hold memories it doesnt find that usefull, if you have an issue that your memories can help you with they will come to you on their own, with tramatic experiences they will start to be remembered when you can emotionaly deal with them. dont try to dig up your old memories if they are needed they will come on their own. clawing at them to find some awnsers to present life only leads to self destructive behavior and thats an ugly road to walk.

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Memory Lapse? - 3/17/2009 3:28:49 PM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		i find it pretty weird that my mind finds it important to still know all the super mario secrets.. just incase someone breaks in my home with the old nes and makes me play at gun point..

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