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Very new to this - 3/17/2009 10:34:26 AM   
celestial78


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		So I am new to this lifestyle and could use some help. I do not have a dom yet but would love to hear from other subs about their experiences and
other important things a novice sub should know.

Thanks

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 1:15:55 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards. 
What Steel said and, I'll add in: don't let your enthusiasm for a new thing wash away any common sense you may have. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 1:34:37 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		here's a few off the top:
 
* sub-frenzy is not a requirement for submission.
* submissives are not ALL bisexual...or bi-curious...or bar-sexual.
* someone who apllies the label of "dominant" to themselves does not mean the person will be a responsible person, or even a dominant individual.
* have FUN!!!

(in reply to celestial78)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 1:58:05 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

* submissives are not ALL bisexual...or bi-curious...or bar-sexual.


Ohhhh beth-laham how andi so wishes you were.

she drooled after you.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 2:27:46 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

* submissives are not ALL bisexual...or bi-curious...or bar-sexual.


Ohhhh beth-laham how andi so wishes you were.

she drooled after you.

Steel


awwww!!!!  that's so sweet!
 
OP---thought of one more, thanks to Steel...
 
*warm-up is a subjective term
 

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 2:56:43 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celestial78

So I am new to this lifestyle and could use some help. I do not have a dom yet but would love to hear from other subs about their experiences and
other important things a novice sub should know.

Thanks




Number One...........If you are a submissive then your profile should say submissive rather than dominant.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to celestial78)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Very new to this - 3/17/2009 3:29:15 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Whatever you want is what you should go after. It's fine to say no to anything and anybody. There is no rule book saying who is a true slave and who isn't. Only the people in the relationship get to make decisions for you. And you should always aim for a win/win situation.

Basically, figure out what you want and what kind of person you are most compatible with and don't let people push you into doing stuff you don't want to do. Because even if he calls himself uberlordmostdomlymasterever, it's still date rape.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Very new to this - 3/18/2009 11:14:37 PM   
c2surrender


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/18/2009
Status: offline 		Here is the biggest mistake i made when i first entered the lifestyle: i assumed that everyone i met who declared themselves as Dominant was in charge.  (sighing and slapping myself for stupidity)
 
So here is my initial advice for immediate use: 
 
1.  It is okay to have boundaries.  In fact, being new, you should have some boundaries - yet still open to discovery.    
     (It is very rewarding to work towards overcoming those boundaries with the right Person.) 
 
2.  There is a world of difference between being bratty and being playful.  Try not to step over the line.
 
3.  Respect is earned.  Assume that Everyone deserves it until They prove otherwise. 
 
Best of luck, remember to have fun!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 7:06:33 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline 		the rules of engagement are the same here.  common sense and logic still apply.  if it doesnt feel right it probably isnt. 

MOST of all i discovered that it isnt the bdsm criteria so much as finding someone you can trust, respect and relax with - after that the bdsm follows.

work out what you want first. 

there are alot of people who are just looking for kink in the bedroom, thats fine, but be aware of that if youre looking for more.

anyone who assumes you should be submissve to them straight off the bat after one phone call hasnt got a clue - and likely isnt going to have much staying power after the first play session.

Dominants dont necessarily barge up to you, expect immediate respect and absolute supplication.  usually they are quite gentle in their approach, polite, considerate and charming, look out for those, theyre usually the ones youre after, dont be fooled into thinking theyre not D, they are.  the process should be insidious.

submission is to the man, not to submission.  by that i mean.  allow him to bring out what he wants from you, dont submit to the moment, submit to the man.  if you cant then it isnt right and nobodys fault.

actually i could go on and on...., im sure youll get loads more. 

above all else though, dont take it too seriously, have fun, enjoy meeting people and keep an open mind and youre feet firmly planted in reality.

_____________________________

aka lally


(in reply to c2surrender)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 9:49:14 AM   
ravennomore


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline 		  
 
1.  It is okay to have boundaries.  In fact, being new, you should have some boundaries - yet still open to discovery.    
     (It is very rewarding to work towards overcoming those boundaries with the right Person.) 
 
I totally agree with this. I am new and had alot of  boundaries up front. Now of course I'm growing and enjoying that growth. For me it's like when I run, one day my turn around point might be a certain mailbox but the next week I like to extend it farther to the next subdivision. The further I run the fitter I am. I am more proud of myself for taking the challenge, and if it's too far I do it differently the next time.

My other suggestion is even though you are dying to jump in w/both feet, do take it a little slow and communicate, communicate, communicate.

(in reply to c2surrender)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 10:16:06 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		If there is something you will never do make it a hard limit.  If later on with the right person you are willing to try it thts ok.  I have very few hard limits ,but there are some thing i know i will never do, and i have been in the lifestyle goin on 15 years now.  Don't be afraid to have hard limits. 

Matt's littleone

(in reply to ravennomore)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 2:50:07 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well, develop a set of rules for yourself. Some may be negotiable, some non-negotiable. Stick to the ones that are non-negotiable, no matter what. i.e. One of my hard and fast rules is this: No playing at all on the first meeting. None. A hug, maybe a kiss and coffee, dinner or a drink is it. I don't ever go home with or otherwise engage in any sexual activity. It's not one I am suggesting you have. Just for me this works, gives me time to assess if I am interested, and trusting enough. Another is I can not handle humiliation. I put a stop to it immediately or soon after! LOL And that's just the way it is. Figure out what you think you like, even if you haven't tried it.

OH and the number one rule... if he won't communicate, run like hell... Communication is the key!!!!

:::steps down off the tiny soapbox, and remembers her first time. AHHHH wow...::::

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 7:06:44 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

your profile should say submissive


And it probably should say something else besides that the OP likes museums.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Very new to this - 3/19/2009 10:31:57 PM   
marysdream


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		be careful, do not do on line anything unless you have committed to some kind of relationship..lol in REAL TIME!...use your intuition...be safe..always remember....as a single submissive..you take of care of self! until the day comes when you give yourself.
hope this helps...we all learn form experiences...but i wish i had not gone through some of what i have experienced..it is hard when you feel vulnerable!
ree!

(in reply to celestial78)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Very new to this - 3/20/2009 9:22:57 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		Read the forums and learn about real life, what to do, what not to do.
Nothing is handed to you on a silver platter.
Know yourself, your wants and needs.
Fill your profile out.
Do all the above for there lies your help and that is my experience. 
 

(in reply to marysdream)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Very new to this - 3/20/2009 3:54:36 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Yes. Fisrt, be CAREFUL ! And also have FUN ! Tey some things on your own, to do some exploring. Like maybe Bobby Pins on your Puppies (Nipples) or some other self Bondage things. Just don't make anything too tight, or so you can't get out in a hurry. How about Scarf Gags? Bobby Pins? Try what ever you have handy, if is isn't sharp, or could cut.

Try all kinds of things to see what you like. Then you might know what you don't like, and have somewhere to start from, when you do find someone.

Good Luck !

Sincerly, Self Bondaging, sub balletbob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to celestial78)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Very new to this - 3/22/2009 11:26:01 PM   
Isabon


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		Dear Ms. Lally,

I have completely just stepped off the Vanilla boat and onto this site about a day and a  half ago.  In that time I have been searching for ideas on how to identify the "posers who want a one night stand," to the real Dom's.  You post here has just cut off about 80% of the emails that I have been getting!  I just wanted to say thank you for saying these words, for they truly mean a bunch to someone such as myself.

Many thanks,

Isabon.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Very new to this - 3/23/2009 6:38:36 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The main thing you need to know is that all the WEAL Doms live in Colorado.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Isabon)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Very new to this - 3/23/2009 1:56:48 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celestial78

So I am new to this lifestyle and could use some help. I do not have a dom yet but would love to hear from other subs about their experiences and
other important things a novice sub should know.

Thanks




Take everything with a pound of salt (particularly me - I'm too damn sweet ) and remember there are at least 500 hundred different ways of doing things and that each way has tons of happy people.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to celestial78)
Profile   Post #: 19
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