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bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:01:53 PM

subnoconas

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/23/2006
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i'm still a vergin sub but i need to ask this because it ben tearing at me heart.
have and subs here ever had to use the safe word but after you used it the domm didn't stop but started to do worse then befor because you used the safe word

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:03:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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No.

As this is your biggest fear, it should be something you discuss with in earnest before playing with someone and make sure that you can trust your judgement and theirs.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:05:46 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
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Hmmm, while I have never had it happen personally with me...I do know that IT DOES happen. But, those are not Dominants, at least not in my eyes anyway. They are just men/women whose sole purpose it to abuse and HARM in any way that they can. Ones like that, you are best to stay away from. Far away from.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:08:48 PM

subnoconas

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thank you and yes i know to not rush in to it and to talk in deep indepth with the mistress but i am still humen and humens can make mistakes

(in reply to IceyOne)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:11:35 PM

nslut4whtmaster

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
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Once I was being punished by a DOM who was not my own. I made the mistake of not discussing with my DOM the use of a safe word. I did not thik that I would need to use one but I did. The DOM did show mercy on me but I learned a very valuable lesson, ALWAYS, ALWAYS no your safe word or words beforehand. Those who do not respect the use of safe words and continue with the activity you are trying to safe word out of are abusers. However, you should not just use a safe word just because you can use it because YOU really need it.

ns

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:13:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subnoconas

thank you and yes i know to not rush in to it and to talk in deep indepth with the mistress but i am still humen and humens can make mistakes

What you are talking about isn't a mistake- it's abusing trust.

Responsible scening has nothing to do with the word. It's about the trust you have and uphold to eachother and yourselves.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:14:35 PM

subnoconas

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thank you and yes i understand copletly the valuw of the safe word i guss i just have a very bad case of nervse

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 1:48:09 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

have and subs here ever had to use the safe word but after you used it the domm didn't stop but started to do worse then befor because you used the safe word

Your post points out the false sense of security when you only play with people with "safe-words". Safe words do not replace knowing your partner. Safe words don't magically make the other person mature, knowledgeable, or respectful of you or your limits.

You obviously survived the experience; now you need to use it to learn from it. I hope you also learned to be more selective in granting trust in the future.

Good Luck!

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 2:12:32 PM

subnoconas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

You obviously survived the experience; now you need to use it to learn from it. I hope you also learned to be more selective in granting trust in the future.

Good Luck!

acualy i am by all sins of the word a vergin, i have never had sex and i have never had a domm i am brandspanking new to the hole world of bdsm

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 2:14:06 PM

subnoconas

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oops i ment since of the word

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 2:22:30 PM

littleone35

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Any one who does not respect your safe word you should have a serious talk with, if you want to continue the realationship. I could be mistaken but i thought that a safe word was just that SAFE. I never had to use mine with my late Master , but i know if i did he would have respected it and stopped.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

littleone

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 9:08:22 PM

Petruchio

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I'll add my voice to Icey, Alby, and Little1: Safe words are inviolate. It's the safety belt in BDSM.

< Message edited by Petruchio -- 1/24/2006 9:10:02 PM >

(in reply to littleone35)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/24/2006 9:30:23 PM

Shekinah

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Joined: 1/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subnoconas

i'm still a vergin sub but i need to ask this because it ben tearing at me heart.
have and subs here ever had to use the safe word but after you used it the domm didn't stop but started to do worse then befor because you used the safe word

Since I only play with A) a partner with whom I am already in an established relationship or B) very close long time friends whose judgement I trust implicitly, my answer to your question is No, I've never safeworded and had the play continue as punishment without my consent.

The one and only time I ever had to use a safeword the play was immediately halted and the problem corrected...a new bondage postion was constricting my breathing, a big no-no.

Casual play with folks you don't know so well can be exciting no doubt but risks are involved. Heck, risks are involved no matter what. Even the most experienced Top can make a mistake, we are all human. Spell out your terms, explain your limits in detail, and most of all use your common sense.

_____________________________

There is no middle ground.

(in reply to subnoconas)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 12:02:31 AM

JudgeJudy

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Before you submit to a woman, you might want to submit to a dictionary, or a spell-check, or... remedial English lessons. Very remedial. Mistakes happen, but...

quote:

as the wheels of time trun my love will still stand furm - i am still humen and humens can make mistakes - copletly the valuw of the safe word i guss i just have a very bad case of nervse - acualy i am by all sins of the word a vergin

come on!! Are you kidding me Bart Simpson? If you are really 19 years old, call up George Bush and tell him you've been left behind!

(in reply to Shekinah)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 1:04:05 AM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JudgeJudy

Before you submit to a woman, you might want to submit to a dictionary, or a spell-check, or... remedial English lessons. Very remedial. Mistakes happen, but...

quote:

as the wheels of time trun my love will still stand furm - i am still humen and humens can make mistakes - copletly the valuw of the safe word i guss i just have a very bad case of nervse - acualy i am by all sins of the word a vergin

come on!! Are you kidding me Bart Simpson? If you are really 19 years old, call up George Bush and tell him you've been left behind!

My brother is a non-verbal CP since the age of 3 and he wears a headband with a stick in it to type. His spelling and grammar are horrible, but he plays a mean game of chess. One never knows what brings people to the on-line world. He's tied to his wheelchair all day, every day. He can neither feed himself nor go to the bathroom on his own. The internet is, virtually, his only source of contact with people outside of our family. It wouldn't hurt to be kind and give the benefit of the doubt to someone when you are unaware of their circumstances. He has often been the butt of cruel jokes and such on-line, but he is tenacious and is the sweetest kid I know. Shame on you.

subnoconas, you just be careful out there and stick to your guns. You'll have nothing to fear when you find someone who is trustworthy and has earned your trust.

Celeste

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to JudgeJudy)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 1:01:26 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
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quote:

thank you and yes i know to not rush in to it

The wisest utterance ever from my lips .... "i don't know"

Go S L O W L Y into the tearing at yer heart!

st50

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 2:27:53 PM

IceyOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnoconas

thank you and yes i know to not rush in to it and to talk in deep indepth with the mistress but i am still humen and humens can make mistakes

What you are talking about isn't a mistake- it's abusing trust.

Responsible scening has nothing to do with the word. It's about the trust you have and uphold to eachother and yourselves.

This is correct. This in and of itself is an abuse of the trust that you place in another.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 2:42:20 PM

subspaceinMD

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Joined: 8/31/2005
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Isn't that the kind of thing that can be avoided if you take your time and really get to know someone before playing with them, or play in a public place where there are monitors to help when needed? Meeting in a public place first has helped me, and not jumping right into a relationship was the wise choice for me (good advice from a friend). patience is hard but well rewarded when you do find the right one, someone who will repect your limits and not push past the hard ones or safewords.

(in reply to IceyOne)

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 4:48:41 PM

subnoconas

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thank you all so much for your encorigment.. and i have always had a problem spelling almy life i can't help it but thank you

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RE: bigest fear - 1/25/2006 4:51:07 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
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quote:

Isn't that the kind of thing that can be avoided if you take your time and really get to know someone before playing with them, or play in a public place where there are monitors to help when needed?

In a public place yes, I would say so. But even in private, some have been known to go a bit too far and not pay attention to the use of a safe word. It does happen sometimes.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to subspaceinMD)

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Post #: 20