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sfdrew -> RE: New Mistress looking for advice (3/18/2009 7:39:33 AM)
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littlesarbonn had some good advice. In my experience the biggest problems are caused by one party or the other "assuming" or "inferring" what the other person thinks or wants. If You don't say anything at all then You can't rightfully be angry if he misbehaves, but giving ambiguous or vague rules can be even worse. If he thinks he knows how he is supposed to behave but really doesn't then You get into some real grey areas and some real communication problems. If You didn't say it, don't expect it.
As a lifestyle sub I can say that it is really easy for us to hide our hurt or uncomfortable feelings from You. It may sound counter-intuitive, but in the beginning especially, You must make him feel comfortable about talking to You about his feelings, even if he knows it's going to be displeasing for You. In the military this is called an "open door policy", because the door is always open to come in a talk.
He also has an obligation to tell You about anything he is uncomfortable with or unsure about in advance. If You ask him what he thinks about XYZ in public and he puts up no objections, but then later flaks at the event, then I would say You have every right to be upset about the communication problem but not about the flaking out on You. It's a communication problem at that point and not a behaviour problem. Communication problems are never solved by punishment.
Understanding the difference could be the single most valuable skill for a new player to acquire in the scene. Even though O/our relationship is rock solid, we still have communication snags now and then. You must be extra vigilant in the beginning to make sure negative feelings don't bottle up.
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