RE: is it a turnoff..... (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 3:33:58 PM)

I have a lot of limits. I've been called fake and everything in between..has never bothered me one bit.

In the end it came down to simply finding someone who has similar limits to my own.

It's not about your limits. It's about compatibility.



DomM&SubK -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 4:21:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
even slaves have limits at first.  the trick is finding someone who knows how to take you through those limits, which ones to push and which ones to leave alone.


Yes and some times pushing the limits is half the fun as long as you both are willing to push your limits.



SummerWind -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 7:34:03 PM)

I've found that when you play with someone that you are comfortable with for the sake of experiencing certain activities, limits are useful and common.  If you're fortunate to find the one.....limits evaporate and you can't wait to experience the next expression of  domination or submission regardless of the form it takes.....



Musicmystery -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 7:48:29 PM)

~FR~

You know, everybody always seems to want to jump in with both feet and make sure that they're doing it according to Hoyle.

From time to time, a local woman will share that she's curious about being a slave and ask me about it. I always suggest we go for a long walk and chat. Take things, or not, from there. Worrying about what kind of slave she's going to be is premature.

My two cents.



pixie0413 -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 7:51:42 PM)

My partner and I both enjoy exploring my limits... but I definately have limits. 

I want to please him because of our relationship... but some things will take time. lol  I'm terrified of anal and the first time I remember anything going up my bottom I lept across the bed screaming and curled into a fetal ball.  lol  Lets just say it ruined the moment and he hasn't really pushed the issue agian. 

I kinda like to think of my limits as making me unique.  Any limit we push... it's a gift to my partner because he knows it's only for him.



cavewomancollar -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 8:00:42 PM)

thanks pixie0413..

so.. thing about the first anal.. was very similar to my experience.. my ex just cuddled close to me stroking me like a kitty.. lol..
we tried again later in the relationship.. but.. i was too nervous cause of the last experience.. so.. lets just say it was 10x more painfull.. so.. now i have it as a hard limit..



VampiresLair -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/18/2009 8:01:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cavewomancollar

hi.. I would like to ask the Masters if its a turnoff that ur sub or slave have a limit.. or limits.. ??
and do you respect the limits? and if you do.. is it hard to do so?

Depending on the limits, it can be a turn off, yes. If a sub or slave has certain limits that are must have interests of mine, the that will be a turn off for me. Also if the limits are things they have never tried and are unwilling to at least try before they decide they refuse to do them, the closemindedness can be a turnoff too. I respect limits I understand, and I expect someone to be able to explain their limits and why they exist. If they cannot explain them, they I will push them.
quote:


cause I have a lot of limits and so on, and because of that I've been called a fake!!! but I thought that this lifestyle was about having pleasure through certain pain and control!!!!
Depending on what your limits are, you might come off as a fake. This lifestyle is partly about pleasure through specific pain and control, but if you ar esub and you dictate the only ways you can be pleasured to your would-be dominant then most of us see that as a "do-me" sub, someone in it only to get their pleasure and not terribly interested in meeting the needs of the dominant.


quote:


I know I am really really new at this.. but I just dont feel ready to go all hardcore, would like to ease into it!!! is that wrong of me?
Easing into it and having a laundry list of limits are not the same thing. Limits are just that, things you will not try. Especially if you are new, a long list of limits would make you undesireable in many people's eyes because it severely limits your usefulness. Having things you are willing to try eventually, but need to work up to might be a better way togo. Easing into it means knowing what you are and are not willing to offer now, with the understanding that tat will increase later. Limits mean those are roadblocks.

DV



SirPainBristol -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 1:22:01 AM)

As a Dom I have one or two limits of my own
  • No Washing up
  • No ironing
  • And definately no vacuuming

All of those are definate hard limits [:D]



eyesopened -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 4:21:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cavewomancollar
thanks mc1234.. I changed the profile in hope that now someone will contact me.. lol.. so thanks for the tip.. 


ARGGGGHHH! 
One "limit" that's pretty good to have is to not compromise yourself just to have (desperate for) some kind of relationship.  People come in and out of our lives but you're stuck with you forever.  Love yourself first and let the rest happens as it happens. 

Know the difference between a limit and a boundary.  Both are useful.  I see boundaries as being more stretchy and limits as fixed, but that's just me. 



lronitulstahp -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 4:27:56 AM)

OP....think about this :
being called a "fake" for honestly stating your limits upfront....vs.  not owning up to your limits, and being found out as a fake.  Which would you rather have happen?

i've found limits change as a relationship deepens.  Some of my "limits" were really mental blockages that needed trust, and a certain kind of guidance in order to be dealt wiith and overcome.  Best of luck to you!!!!!



DomM&SubK -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 6:57:39 AM)

Don’t worry so much about your limits and take what we all say as guidance. My very hard limit was oral for a long time. I was so put off my it and than it became having the guy cum in my mouth and than one day I took Sir by surprise while we were playing and asked him to cum in my mouth to see if I could get over it I think he asked me like 5 times if I was sure when he was sure that I was he did and I loved it. He calls me jokingly his Cum Whore and respects the fact that I will only swallow him and no one else. To me it is too private of an act to share with any one. Now My Limits are any thing to do with my children or any children or Scat and Yellow Showers. Don’t beat your self up over this you will someday find the partner that will lead you and train you the way that you need and feel safe.



IronBear -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 9:44:43 AM)

I require slaves to have well defined limits unless they are new in which case I will work with them to define limits.  What is a huge turn off is when people use Txt speak in forums for it indicates a lazyness in writing correct English.. 



Jeptha -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 10:31:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cavewomancollar

hi.. I would like to ask the Masters if its a turnoff that ur sub or slave have a limit.. or limits.. ??
Everybody has limits. All of my partners (and I, myself) have had various kinds of limits, whether personal, physical, psychological or what-have-you.
quote:


...and do you respect the limits?

Of course - I'm not a complete asshole. (my opinion, of course.)
quote:

...and if you do.. is it hard to do so?[:-]
No, because I understand what they are beforehand and if we are still engaging in some way it means that I've agreed to respect them.
quote:


....cause I have a lot of limits and so on, and because of that I've been called a fake!!!
Don't believe everything people write you. Being a woman, you'll probably hear it all. Stick to your values and what you're comfortable with.
quote:


I know I am really really new at this.. but I just dont feel ready to go all hardcore, would like to ease into it!!! is that wrong of me?
That's fine.
As others say, find somebody who can comprehend and respect that.

That said, though, I will add this caveat: I have compromised to respect other's limits and then ultimately found, as time went by, that that was too...limiting. I can decide to go without some things for weeks or months or even years, but then decide that I'm not willing to give it up for the rest of my life.

In almost any relationship, there is going to be some compromise.
There's no such thing as perfect compatibility unless you have yourself cloned.
(even then, you'd probably drive yourself crazy...)

Respecting each other's limits is important and should be respected, but there is another aspect to the equasion, which is considering what your partner is giving up in order to respect those limits, and whether that is ever something that should be thought about or discussed.




Mercnbeth -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 11:41:13 AM)

it is a turn-off, for this slave, for a dominant to expect this slave to limit them as to what they can and cannot do, within the context of fun and frolic.



peppermint -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 11:45:10 AM)

I am more suspicious of the ones who say they have no limits.  Apparently they have no self esteem and live in a fantasy world.  So...limits to me means the person took the time to know what s/he will not do.  That's a postitive. 





junecleaver -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 12:07:32 PM)

It depends on the limits and why they have them.  For instance, I was talking with a potential play partner, explaining some of my interests, etc.  When I mentioned fire cupping, they said it was a hard limit.  A little more probing lead me to find they didn't know what fire cupping is and had no experience with it whatsoever.  That attitude is extremely unattractive to me.  If it's a 'limit' because you don't want to do it, then yeah, I'll probably find that unattractive and I doubt I'd want to play with you.  If it is a limit because you are genuinely harmed through the activity...then that's something I respect and am willing to work around.



ChelseaNY -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 2:42:39 PM)

I have limits lol.  For me it becomes about compatibility, there may be some some Doms i am so compatible with in so many ways that i am willing to experience other things that may interest them and not interest me.  I am straight, and honestly have no real interest in a female sexual partner, however i am willing to do that because it would please my Dom.  You should always set and know your limits, but don't be afraid to explore and test them.



MasterRaid -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 3:07:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cavewomancollar

hi.. I would like to ask the Masters if its a turnoff that ur sub or slave have a limit.. or limits.. ??
and do you respect the limits? and if you do.. is it hard to do so?[:-]

cause I have a lot of limits and so on, and because of that I've been called a fake!!! but I thought that this lifestyle was about having pleasure through certain pain and control!!!!

I know I am really really new at this.. but I just dont feel ready to go all hardcore, would like to ease into it!!! is that wrong of me?



No your not wrong, and limits are there for a reason. Now whether those limits stay there is a different story. No, I do not mean they should be pushed but rather you should be allowed to take your time and inform your Dom if you wish to test them. I respect and like it when subs/slaves are honest with limits and at times are willing to work on them. Growth is needed in life and when someone is stagnant and unwilling to try then you wind up doing the same dance every time and then it's just boring. It is not hard to respect a subs/slaves limits if you really care for your girls. That is what a Dom/Master does, care for what is His and guides and nurtures them at their own pace.
As for this lifestyle being pleasure through Pain and Control, I disagree. Yes it is about Control but you do not always have to endure pain to receive Pleasure. It depends on the way you wish to live the lifestyle. Yes some pain will come but, for Me, I only dish out the Pain if either the girl likes to receive it, or if she has done something wrong and needs to be punished.
Take your time and do not worry about the ones who attempt to call you fake. Let them dig their own graves with their contempt. You just worry about pleasing only one person, your Dom.



kyraofMists -> RE: is it a turnoff..... (3/19/2009 7:36:14 PM)

Well, I don't know about others and this only applies to those who want/are my Lord's slaves...  what turns him off is a slave trying to impose their will upon him.  The only things that are off limits with him are either the things he does not want to do or the things that he thinks may harm our well-being.  But that only applicable to my relationship and probably has very little impact on other relationships.

In general though, having a lot of limits is only going to alter your pool of possible partners; it could shrink it in some ways and expand it in others.  If you are comfortable with that, then who cares what the rest think.  Go at your speed and don't let someone manipulate you into doing otherwise.

Knight's Kyra



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