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is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 9:15:11 AM   
cavewomancollar


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/5/2009
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		hi.. I would like to ask the Masters if its a turnoff that ur sub or slave have a limit.. or limits.. ??
and do you respect the limits? and if you do.. is it hard to do so?

cause I have a lot of limits and so on, and because of that I've been called a fake!!! but I thought that this lifestyle was about having pleasure through certain pain and control!!!!

I know I am really really new at this.. but I just dont feel ready to go all hardcore, would like to ease into it!!! is that wrong of me?
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 9:32:26 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

cause I have a lot of limits and so on, and because of that I've been called a fake!!!


You're fine, and anybody who calls you names you should immediately block. Limits are normal, they're understood by everybody who is serious about kink, and you just need to tell yourself you take decisions about you, and nobody else does.

You label yourself a submissive, not a slave, so even from that perspective there can't be any arguments. I personally normally have a vanilla "get to know you, no strings attached" meeting with a prospective sub, somewhere public, and I use a checklist that we go over to establish what is and is not OK. And I never "breach" a limit, because I'd like the sub to come back for more.

Generally, if anybody ever tries to make you do things you don't want - even tries - run. This is supposed to be fun, for you too.

(in reply to cavewomancollar)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 9:33:03 AM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		don't fight it if those are your limits. good things come to those that wait.

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(in reply to cavewomancollar)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 9:36:45 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

dont feel ready to go all hardcore


Although your "blue eyes" limit made me laugh...

(in reply to cavewomancollar)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 10:01:43 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You aren't real until you've been called a fake at least five times.

Limits are bad to them because it means you're willing to know yourself, not compromise your sense of self and clearly communicate what you need.  That's very very scary to a lot of people because it means they might get caught with how clueless and stupid they are.  So they have to shame and fear you as muchas possible to get you away from that.

So you start off well by having limits and communicating them, but then you backslid by letting their stupid shaming get to you.

A huge majority of the people who will contact you do not care about a long term fulfilling relationshp, and are incapable of forming one even if they did.

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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 10:05:52 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		     Limits are good. Limits are our friends!     We all have limits, at least I hope we do?!   Both Master and slave for its always fun to play and suffer a little bit.

  But in no way should it ever go to far and cause "anyone" to suffer permanent harm physically or mentally!

  Keep your limits and dont let anyone push them okay!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 10:12:09 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		Limits are just limits; that is the way you come packaged along with your height, weight, gender, hair color, etc.  If I don't like your limits or the rest of the package, I can move on to somebody more compatible.  You should not apologize for what you are.

Everybody has limits.  I can gently probe a few of the "no limits" slaves, and their limits manifest themselves very quickly.  If they truly have no limits, they have mental issues. 


(in reply to sailorfrank)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 10:22:46 AM   
cavewomancollar


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/5/2009
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		yeah.. I know.. blue eyes on a man.. kinda creep me out when they stare at me.. lol.. 

(in reply to antipode)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 11:12:53 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

This is supposed to be fun, for you too.



quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryNastyDom

Everybody has limits. I can gently probe a few of the "no limits" slaves, and their limits manifest themselves very quickly. If they truly have no limits, they have mental issues.



Two great items to take away from here. I wish I could add more.

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(in reply to antipode)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 11:18:05 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		even slaves have limits at first.  the trick is finding someone who knows how to take you through those limits, which ones to push and which ones to leave alone.

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(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 11:50:26 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

even slaves have limits at first.  the trick is finding someone who knows how to take you through those limits


Or hookup with someone who shares those limits.  Limits aren't something I think about often and it would seem that I am a no-limit slave, when in reality he's got more limits then I do and his encoumpas mine.

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(in reply to tazzygirl)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 11:59:11 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		You absolutely have the rights to have your limits...but...upon reading your profile you seem to be into and seeking for someone that is Gorean or at least into the Gorean philosophy. You may want to go over to the Gor boards and see what Bull and Orion have to say about a "slave" with a list of limits. Have fun with that.  


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(in reply to cavewomancollar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 12:11:29 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode
Generally, if anybody ever tries to make you do things you don't want - even tries - run. This is supposed to be fun, for you too.


This needs to be repeated, like, a gazillion times.  :) 

OP - your limits are yours, and should be respected.  Period. 

I will say, though - in your profile you go to great pains to explain your limits, which is fine.  Perhaps, though, you could include what you offer and bring to a relationship - the positive things, who you are and what you are all about, rather than opening with the negative, what you won't do. 


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(in reply to antipode)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 12:24:38 PM   
cavewomancollar


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/5/2009
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		thanks mc1234.. I changed the profile in hope that now someone will contact me.. lol.. so thanks for the tip.. 

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 1:03:46 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		:)  I hope it helps.  One last thing ... put the positives *first* in the profile.  Draw them in ... make them want to read, not to encounter negatives right off the bat. 

Sorry, I'm feeling very opinionated today.  lol


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(in reply to cavewomancollar)
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RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 1:06:39 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		 i thought it was 6 times. but then a friend told me we are both wrong and it is only 4 times.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 1:12:45 PM   
cavewomancollar


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/5/2009
From: Iceland
Status: offline 		thanks every little thing helps :D

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 2:01:59 PM   
pventola


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		any true dom would respect your limits and develop you within those limits and hopefully push them just enough to help you expand past them but not force you to ignore them

(in reply to cavewomancollar)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 2:48:28 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Newbies ought to have all kinds of limits that they slowly explore when in a relationship with a trustworthy dominant. Anyone who won't respect that a total lack of experience means going slowly is the order of the day is not someone you want to be with.

However, instead of focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you do.

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(in reply to pventola)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: is it a turnoff..... - 3/18/2009 3:08:44 PM   
fillu


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		It is quite alright to have limits.... through discussion the Master and his sub would agree to these limits and certain safe words could be put into play to help. Pleasure is the ultimate goal and you just have to find the right One who will agree to your limits. 

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 20
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