Advice, please? (Full Version)

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bookofsecrets -> Advice, please? (3/20/2009 9:07:30 AM)

Hello,

I am having a little problem that i would like some advice on. My Dom prefers to play with me spontaneously, and usually the best time for Him tends to be relatively late in the evening, after W/we are both in bed. Unfortunately, i tend to go to sleep relatively quickly after getting in bed at night and sleep relatively hard after i fall asleep, and i really like my sleep too. This tends to make me feel a little resentful (i feel really guilty about saying this) when He wishes to play with me as i am trying to go to sleep or after i am already asleep, and i know my body language shows it sometimes (curling up, shifting away even), which i feel really bad about. I know if i were more awake i would be able to school myself into enjoying it, or at least knowing that i am being of service to Him (and once the playing has gone on for a little while, i always enjoy it immensly, i just have trouble getting into as i am still half-asleep).

Anyway, this is really starting to frustrate Him, and i don't know what to do. His job keeps Him out late, so W/we can't go to bed earlier, and i am required to get up relatively early to take care of the children.

And i know that i need to trust Him to ensure that i get the sleep i need, but it is really hard to think that way when i am tired and looking forward to sleep, and not entirely awake. So, any suggestions?



LaTigresse -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 9:14:56 AM)

Sit him down and tell him what you've written. Talk, come up with a plan that works for both of you.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 9:36:45 AM)

quote:

So, any suggestions?


this slave agrees entirely with what LaTigresse has advised.  perhaps you could request a scheduled nap during the day so you won't be as tired later in the evening?
 
best wishes to you!



DesFIP -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 9:40:42 AM)

We have the same problem with sleep deprivation. Nap during the evening while he plays board games. Nap when the ums do. You two could take turns doing the early morning um stuff. There is nothing undomly in him pouring cereal and putting them on the bus occasionally while you catch up on sleep.

Sleep deprivation is a bitch. You can't be a good sub or mother, or driver, or employee if you are sleep deprived. Talk to him.



InTonguesslave -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 11:26:08 AM)

i used to be with a D who would wake me up at around 2.00 in the morning! - believe me i know where youre coming from!

you touched on it lightly about trusting him to ensure you have enough quality sleep and if youre feeling that this isnt happening a bit of resentment can creep in.  part of the bargain is for the D to be responsible and considerate toward youre health and capacity to get through youre day. 

i agree with everyone here, you need to talk and find some way of finding time for each other that works for both of you.



Focus50 -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 12:09:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bookofsecrets

Hello,

I am having a little problem that i would like some advice on. My Dom prefers to play with me spontaneously, and usually the best time for Him tends to be relatively late in the evening, after W/we are both in bed. Unfortunately, i tend to go to sleep relatively quickly after getting in bed at night and sleep relatively hard after i fall asleep, and i really like my sleep too. This tends to make me feel a little resentful (i feel really guilty about saying this) when He wishes to play with me as i am trying to go to sleep or after i am already asleep, and i know my body language shows it sometimes (curling up, shifting away even), which i feel really bad about. I know if i were more awake i would be able to school myself into enjoying it, or at least knowing that i am being of service to Him (and once the playing has gone on for a little while, i always enjoy it immensly, i just have trouble getting into as i am still half-asleep).

Anyway, this is really starting to frustrate Him, and i don't know what to do. His job keeps Him out late, so W/we can't go to bed earlier, and i am required to get up relatively early to take care of the children.

And i know that i need to trust Him to ensure that i get the sleep i need, but it is really hard to think that way when i am tired and looking forward to sleep, and not entirely awake. So, any suggestions?

This is one of those areas of incompatability where you need to find an equitable compromise - which is where *communication* comes in....
 
I've had similar problems in the past where I'm an early starter (and alround "morning person") but have had subs who are at their most active (and playful etc) later at night when I just wanna sleep.  And I need my sleep, fullstop!
 
Not sure about some of the "nap" suggestions, either, especially if you're anything like me....  That is that if I nod off for even 15 minutes or so in front of the tv of an afternoon, I'm then WIDE AWAKE till long after my normal bed time.  Which then starts an annoying cycle - because I didn't get my normal sleep the night before, I'm even more likely to nod off in front of the tv again, only for longer second time around.  Arrggghhhh!!!!!
 
You need what you need - and you need to talk to him about it.
 
Focus.



mc1234 -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 1:37:33 PM)

Could he handle the bedtimes with the kids while you go to bed early, then are ready to wake in a few hours when he's ready to play?  It's disturbed sleep, but maybe it would work.  Or maybe he can handle the mornings after a night when he's awoken you, and let you sleep in?



CatdeMedici -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 1:56:49 PM)

When you are sharing a real life, you have to learn to share a real life--that means meeting in the middle so everyone gets needs cared for.  When people are working polar opposite schedules, then play needs to be planned ahead so everyone gets enjoyment.



lovingpet -> RE: Advice, please? (3/20/2009 5:02:36 PM)

Messing with my sleep is a "hard limit"!!!  LOL

First and foremost is to talk this through.  I have a problem with dominants doing things that are a clear imposition on the NEEDS of the submissive.  Unless he wants your morning duties after disturbing your sleep, an alternative time might need to be found.  It is clear in your body language, mental attentiveness and more that this is a bad deal for you in the long run regardless of how you may enjoy it once play is in full swing.  You have dropped the ball in not discussing this to a resolution with him and allowing it to turn even a little bit into resentment.  He has watched you nonverbally tell him this is not a good thing for you, yet persists.  Time to talk!

Compromises get made in real life all the time.  This is no different.  Without knowing your schedules, I would say the first step is to consider adjusting your overall sleep schedule to make it more conducive to when you both can actually be together and play.  He may have to help this along by taking up some of your responsibilities when he has created a need for you to sleep when you would normally be taking care of things.  Bottom line is.... as always.... talk.

lovingpet



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