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Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Dont be surprised! (3/22/2009 9:47:23 AM)
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This topic is an area filled with land mines of opinions, thoughts and experiences.
I do and don't have problems with having my boundaries pushed or tested. It's a bit of a case by case basis. Depends too if it's an established relationship and to what level it's been tried, tested and true and blue.
First and foremost, in cases where somebody is attempting to control me as a means to cover their own ass from stupid mistakes. Basically, to get me to back down from digging up "The Truth", forget it. My nature, is to notice changes in bahaviors, attitudes and even emotions. I'm driven by both logic and emotion personally. Anyways, I don't deal well with somebody holding our relationship hostage as a means of control. For instance, somebody telling me not to talk or interacte with another human being with a threat of ending things. Even more so when this other person is a complete stranger to me. If anything, it just provokes my mind into wondering why not? Generally speaking, anybody trying to push me into doing or not doing something when they are using our relationship as leverage, forget it. I will go ahead anyways, and with more reason to discover what the HELL is really going on.
So, when somebody uses Threats of Ending relationship unless I do or do not do something, it really rubs me wrong way. I'm a bit of a Rebel anyways. Meaning, good luck at anybody trying to truely control me. This is just my personality. I don't look at it as being a Dom or submissive trait. It's just who I am as a human being.
I hate being set up in CATCH 22 situations, I dispise it in fact. Where if I say YES or NO to something, either case it's fucked. I hate having a submissive toss me into a CATCH 22 situation. I just might take the path, the submissive will least enjoy or like. Hell, I might just call them on it being a CATCH 22. Generally, it makes me some what resentful, and I will express that resentment. (look no punishment involved).
I do not deal with anybody threatening the relationship itself. Trust me, if you attempt to threaten me by using your friendship/relationship with another Dominant or guy as a means of leverage to get to do or not do something, Big fucking mistake. In short, when a submissive trys to play the Jealously Game with me. The result generally turns out with me being resentful and untrusting of that subs friendship with another person. I will literally lay down the ultimatium card of having that friendship come to an END. (guess you can call this a form of punishment, as well as means of relationship protection and even personal protection). I dispise somebody trying to play Jealously Games inorder to get me to do or not do something. Even more so, if I'm not in a position to even do what somebody is trying to get me to do. In short, don't provoke my own limitations as to what I can not do.
Nothing more stupid then to attempt to push a DOM into doing something they are not capable or able to do at the time. Really sort of sucks. Let's say for instance, it's something I myself really want to do. I'm working on it, the submissive runs out of patience and pushes the issue. OK, this does not rub me well. I hate being pushed a long faster then I can humanly move in what it is that I'm doing. Bad idea for a sub to do this. It actually sort of makes a DOM feel sort of powerless to humanly move things along faster. Tends to make us DOM types a little resentful. (punisment may or may not be an option).
Personally, I pefer to talk about things to deal with problems. However, make no mistake, I can verbally eat somebody up and spite them up as a means of punishment. Verbal humilation, or simply expressing my pissed offness. It all depends. I tend to resent it when somebody not want to talk about things, clams up and goes into avoidence mode.
I'm not expressing by any means, that how I handle or deal with things, is right or wrong. I'm just expressing things from my own Dominant perspective here. I can become verbally sadistic without resorting to the use of mindless name calling even. However, there is some form or basis of logic and truth in what I'm expressing.
OK, here's another mistake that submissives have made. That is to toss a past relationship in my face. Such as having somebody accuse me of wanting an EX (love,sub,slave or girl) in my life still. i.e. for instance, being told why don't I go off and fuck so and so because so and so still wants me. I don't like games like this. Because If I wanted so and so, I would be with so and so. There is a reason why an EX is an EX.
I literally had somebody who repeatedly said things to me regarding an EX, that I had no interest in being with. I coddled their insecurity for awhile, but trying to give them assurances that I did not want my EX nor thought about my EX like that. Then one night during a tense situation, she made a comment that I should go off and fuck my EX. I said, that's it. Since you want to play like this, I'm taking my gloves off. I proceeded to give her a dose of her own medication, however it was 10 times more intense. I simply got done with being Mr. Nice guy trying to give her positive assurance and dealing with things in a positive human manner. So I verbally punished the HELL out of her with a taste of her own medicine.
OK, so I may or may not be polically correct in my style or nature. None the less, I am Dominant, I try to have understanding and compassion. I myself have limits. If you push my limits you might be in for a rude fucking awakening.
Some DOMs will simply drop some submissives at a drop of dime over such behaviors. I tend to be a little more tolerent at times, but.. make no mistake. Keep it up, bad things will and do happen.
Generally, though experienced submissives don't pull this crap. Actually, anybody who is experienced at relationships in general does not pull the kind of crap that I'm writting about.
This kind of pushing and testing, is relationship thing and not just something a submissive does. There are DOMs that push things to crazy levels with submissives that causes a relationship to fall apart quickly as well.
Limits are two sided. Both submissives and Doms have them. Push too hard, push things in the wrong manner, Game Over...
I actually wish people could step back, abd look at things from a General Human behavior perspective at times compared to just a D/s point of view.
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