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RE: Dont be surprised! - 3/23/2009 8:23:33 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Ugh, I hate when they test. Why do they do that?

IMO because it gives security...because for me, what I need is that someone means what he says and does what he says...and though I am not someone who is a big tester, I do have my moments where I check them out when I have my stubborn moments or my moments where I can't be bothered...how a current involvement tends to name me now being a "slacker" (thankfully he also supplied me the meaning of that word during a chat...and *phew* I have to admit it does fit a fair bit). However, if I don't find out where the boundaries are how am I supposed to know that they are real? Everyone can pretend to be dominant if I just follow blindly...but to see how he responds shows me how he reacts with his response and gives me more confidence in him being trustworthy...because what is if something serious is going to happen and I never found out how he reacts in situations he does not like??? He might just run away like a scary cat or over-react...therefore, no thanks, I prefer to test the best, even if that means that he aims to put my test to a rest...then at least I know he is what he is claiming to be and can feel safe...(at least that's how I figured it out for myself.) - though I am not someone who whinges afterwards...because even when I dislike a consequence then I am still fine to accept that I might have pushed a bit too hard and are likely to avoid pushing again

Ahh, see, I can sort of understand that, but still... I guess to me, kind of not cool.

The finding out where boundaries are part, however, I don't really view that as 'testing', per se. To me, when I view my pet as 'testing' me, it's more that he already knows damn good and well where the boundaries are, but wants to test to see if I'll actually punish him. Thankfully he's a fast learner and has figured out that, "Yes, yes he WILL punish me, and I don't like it.".

Searching for the line though, and how far one can go before crossing it, well... okay, I'll admit that it can be damn cute and fun sometimes. He's got this thing he does, poking me playfully, even after I say stop. But, when it does finally get annoying, I have this one look that I give him and he knows that he just poked the line and probably doesn't want to poke his way over it. (He's VERY ticklish and hates it)

. Finding the boundaries is a natural part of any relationship, constantly, no matter how well you know someone I think. Again, different from 'testing' in my opinion. That's why I hate being 'tested', because I abhor punishing my pet.

It all boils down to semantics in this case I guess, eh?

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RE: Dont be surprised! - 3/23/2009 8:56:35 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
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I've never tested Master, not like that. There have been times when i've gone to him and asked, "What would happen if i did this?" and gave him a senario such as me calling a manager i don't like a disrespectful name while talking about him to Master, or if i snuck out of bed while he was tucking me in because i didn't want to sleep yet. He's been open about the fact that i can do and say whatever i like as long as i'm willing to "pay the piper" so to speak afterwards, that always makes me think twice. So far in our five months there's only been a few times when i've been seriously punished, once was severe enough he made me sleep on my mat instead of in his bed. but it's never intentional, it usually happens when my mouth gets going before my brain tells it to shut up or when i'm tired and react instantly to what he's telling me instead of thinking it through and formulating a correct response/action. If i'm feeling the need for a spanking we've talked about ways i can communicate that to him without having to voice it and 'ruin" the effect. And if for some reason i'm feeling rebellious or mouthy i let him know and try to curb it before i get into trouble, usually when i'm like that he shifts into high protocol where things tend to be more formal and i'm more restricted so i tend to think more before i act and speak which helps me refocus on serving him to the best of my abilities.

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RE: Dont be surprised! - 3/23/2009 9:26:55 PM

JovialSadist

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/14/2009
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I like what kuriouswitch had to say about communication. If there is a question about how a Dom/Master views a situation, asking is usually a very good way to find out. Sometimes life gets in the way of how a person, Dominant or submissive, thinks and acts. That doesn’t mean that their strength is not there, it is simply channeled into a different area. However; sometimes I think “test” are a self fulfilling prophesies…

We may not like the way, or direction, a relationship is heading so we find a way of sabotage it. In our minds, we know the outcome before it ever happens; but our judgment is clouded by a greater fear. Of course; that is a worse case scenario (and correct me if I’m wrong) but I believe it is what the OP is talking about.

< Message edited by JovialSadist -- 3/23/2009 10:11:00 PM >

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Post #: 43