Life's changes and mutual support.

Life's changes and mutual support. (Full Version)

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pinkwind -> Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 5:40:35 PM)
Both Andy and me have our health problems, but since he recovered from his pleurectomy after a collapsed lung just over a year ago the focus returned to me, with him being my carer, as well as the pivot of my life. Well now the focus has shifted again. With his diagnosis of hypertension come meds he will be on for the rest of his days, and with all the attendant free gifts such drugs bring lifestyle changes have become necessary. Not only are we both going to be giving up smoking in the next couple of weeks with the help of our doctor's smoking cessation resources, but he himself is also stopping drinking with immediate effect, something that i did years ago very easily, but that i know will be harder for him. While we both get a grip on our lives i have no doubt life will be challenging, but we both have each other's best interests at heart, and will be supporting each other all the way. How this will effect our lives in the short term can only be guessed at, but it has to be done. i just wondered, how many folk have been through such changes, and what pitfalls they encountered, how successful they have been at turning things around. How many people, when things get tough, would think of bailing out on a partner who got ill, or if there might be a possibility of the kink side of their relationship taking a bit of a back seat for a while? i know we are strongly committed to each other, so that whatever happens we will be here for the long term, but i wonder how other people have fared when life changes have crossed their paths. Onward and upward, eh Andy!

DesFIP -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 5:50:51 PM)
Usually I'm the one who is ill. But we do what we have to do. The blood pressure meds aren't so bad, just watch out for decongestants if he gets a cold. The decongestants raise the blood pressure. And I can have an occasional drink, meaning one with dinner if we go out on Saturday night. At our age, it's assumed somebody will have some problem that needs working around, whether him doing all the night driving because I have no night vision, or me turning into a massage therapist because some part of him is always in pain (usually neck and shoulders).

Knite064 -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 5:50:59 PM)
A number of years ago a very sweet submissive lady of mine had to go into hospital for a relatively minor operation. Its the one time ive felt boxed in by the Master/sub dynamic as i just wanted her better but held onto the dynamic because she needed it through that period. Something more serious like you mention???I dont honestly know how id feel. I wish you both well in times ahead and i ve enjoyed your viewpoint on various posts.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 5:54:29 PM)
I wish you the very best with your struggles. as to the question, We have been tested in this arena quite a few times.....we both pass.

pinkwind -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 5:55:12 PM)
Thanks my dears, for the heads up regarding decongestants especially, thankfully Andy seems to manage to frighten off colds! Thanks for the kind words of support. Much appreciated.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 7:45:32 PM)
I've got progressive health issues. Complications like an atrial collapse (due to a weakened atrial wall from chemo, and which turns out to feel pretty much -exactly- like a heart attack) and variable mobility have really tested our relationship over time. One thing that has become apparent is that it is not in my companion's nature to take care of me if everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Even so, I value our closeness and prefer not to allow my health to be the breaking point in our companionship, so I've made arrangements to make sure that burden never falls on her shoulders.

pinkwind -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/22/2009 8:32:52 PM)
In a way, i suppose, you have to cut your cloth according to the need, in terms of the stability of our relationships. People care for others in a myriad of ways, you have made the choice to make alternative arrangements for yourself, which does speak volumes as to your care for your SO. It always works both ways, or so i have found. With what ails me we went into this relationship with our eyes wide open, and i made sure, still am i think, that Andy was happy with life as it all progressed. Seems he realised how things would go before i did and still took that leap over the cliff! To be honest it's another chance for me to support and encourage him, even in a small way, some kind of reciprocation for all the help and encouragement i have had from him over the years. Not that i hoped to be able to do it you understand, i would rather he were as fit as a butcher's dog, but there you go. crouchingtigress, thanks, and yes, from what i have seen and heard over time almost everyone passes the test, one way or another.

VanessaChaland -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 2:00:04 AM)
Without going into details, both myself and my husband have some medical problems. We average about $20k a year in doctor visits, co-pays, insurance etc. Neither of us have ever considered leaving the other over these complications. We've been together well over a decade and have been through many hard times (loss of family members, starting/running several business's, medical etc). While things are of course stressful, and have been, its far better to have your best friend in life to lean on and support each other than to face things alone. I sometimes think that the very nature of our alternative lives has allowed more honesty and trust than many "vanilla" people. Anyhow, best of luck, don't give up and I hope things will work out for both of you. :)

MaamJay -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 2:13:43 AM)
In the 5 years i've been 24/7 with Master, i've been diagnosed with diabetes 2 and atrial fibrillation. i've got the former under reasonable control with diet, the second requires meds to go along with my meds for hypertension. Generally it's no big deal, and Master and i have simply faced it together. More concerning is general reduction in mobility for both of U/us with back and knee problems ... which has largely been the driver behind Our decision to set Ourselves up in Our van and start touring the country NOW rather than waiting. For Us this is "in sickness and in health" ... neither of Us were blooming with health when We started anyway! Even as my Master, with my being 15 years older, He knows the likelihood is that i will be incapacitated first, and We already joke about wheelchairs and hotted up scooters! The love is still there, no matter what. All the very best to you and Andy pinkwind! Yes these are big changes but for the better. Embrace them and embrace each other. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

pinkwind -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 7:20:45 AM)
Ah yes, the Porsche engined granny mobile, GT stripes and all! We are now at that enviable stage of looking to move home so that a wheelchair would make life better. Being on the first floor of a block without lift a world can be awfully small. i was surprised when Andy started to talk about things, how he knew what was inevitably going to happen, and yet he still chose to look beyond, to the human being behind the crutches. Kink figures in varying amounts in most peoples relationships, most times it's the humanity, the fellow feeling that carries us through. And of course, disability and change can give new impetus to exploration and satisfying our deep needs and desires! Thanks to all for the encouragement, it helps.

agirl -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 7:29:05 AM)
I'll be honest here......some life changes in the past with other partners have rocked the boat considerably. Driving on the straight, if the straight is all you've experienced, doesn't prepare you for the cornering. It can highlight, and throw into stark relief, any cracks that weren't apparent until then. The relationship determines whether you stay * through thick and thin....I know that I WILL, depending on what the thin* is and depending on the relationship and it's ability to float. From experience, I know that, despite best intentions, I do not stay beyond a certain point, however awful and unromatic that sounds. Illness and kink would be highly unlikely to rock my boat....but I wouldn't rule out the fact that the knock-on effects could. I'd like to say that I'd be there no matter what ...but the truth is ......I couldn't possibly say that I catagorically would. The bottom line is .......it'd depend on the both of us , what we had and our ability to weather different types of storm. agirl

LaTigresse -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 7:40:24 AM)
Generic Dude and I have been putting up with, supporting each other, squabbling and rolling our eyes at one another, for almost 20 years. We've dealt with raising kids, his and mine, their drama (which has been considerable), severe health issues (one near death experience), family drama, a military career and two wars, financial difficulties, and my sexuality stuff.........just to list a few things. The thing is, we made a commitment one day, 19 years ago, and we've stuck with that commitment. It hasn't been easy and there have been many many times it's been nothing more than a legality. But now, at this point in life, it's a foundation. Something to build upon, add to. It may be unconventional as hell, and it's not something I discuss on here much, per request, but it's been working for a couple decades.

DavanKael -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 11:43:55 AM)
Sending good thoughts to you and Andy, pinkwind. :> In a committed relationship, for me, there is no question about hanging in there: love isn't only a fair-weather emotion. :> Davan

pinkwind -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 12:04:54 PM)
agirl, i don't see anything wrong in knowing your own mind, being honest about your feelings, but still accepting that circumstances themselves can effect even the most strongly held convictions. What i do accept in myself is the understanding that apart from circumstance, the personality of those we form relationships with dictates whether we stay for the long haul or not. LaTigresse, DavanKael, my thanks too, for your encouragement and kind words. i am more than thankful for the commitment Andy has shown me over the years, after such a long time in a sort of wilderness he restored my faith in humanity single handed! my only hope is that i can return the compliment. It won't be for lack of commitment on my own part, or trying!

agirl -> RE: Life's changes and mutual support. (3/23/2009 12:45:44 PM)
In agreement here, pinkwind. I really wish you both well. agirl

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