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collegebeauty -> RE: Hard limits. (2/28/2006 6:57:51 AM)
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I just want to add to the discussion of limits. I've only been in the lifestyle for about 6 months. I'm learning fast though. There are things that I thought would be hard limits that it turns out aren't so hard. I've also found things that I didn't think would cause problems for me that have become hard limits. Fortunately, I have a very understanding Dom who questions my limits regularly. He brings me various hypothetical situations and asks me for my honest reactions to them. In this way, I've found that new information - information only obtainable through experience - may have lifted a hard limit because I've foud that I can handle more than I originally thought/expected. Other things, I've found that while in fantasy they're nice, when it comes to actually consenting to let it happen, I can't do it. I think that discussion of these hard limits and soft limits and where my lines are is a good thing and I hope to make it a habit between us, or myself and any other Dom I encounter. The key though, is that I never feel pushed. He never phrases things as "If I asked you..." or "I want you to...", he phrases them as "What do you think of..." or "Have you thought about x topic lately." He has assured me he will never ask me to break a hard limit, but has also assured me that my soft limits will be pushed and eventually erradicated. It's a freeing feeling to get to know myself and my abilities and tolerances so intimately. All in all, discussion is good; pressure is what our Dom/mes need to avoid.
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