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MadAxeman -> Don't Read This (3/24/2009 5:10:21 AM)
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Do you fart in bed?
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for many years. The only 'friction' in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her that he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day it would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to crack them off. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts as a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl of guts and went upstairs where her husband was sleeping and gently pulling back the covers, pulled his pyjama bottoms aside and emptied the contents inside.
Sometime later, she heard her husband waking with his customary trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control her laughter, tears in her eyes, rolling on the floor. After years of torture she thought she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained pyjamas with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He answered 'honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you'
'What do you mean' said the wife as innocently as she could manage.
'Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened!'
'But by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in'
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