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synthia -> location,location,location (3/9/2004 12:30:17 PM)

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



EStrict -> RE: location,location,location (3/9/2004 12:35:33 PM)

If relocating really isn't an option, perhaps you shouldn't look online? Find local groups (there are some almost everywhere if you know how/where to look). Also, take into consideration your actions will have on your child. Is he/she willing to relocate? Adding a new adult to a relationship can be difficult enough for a child without adding the trauma of making them leave the area they are familiar with and comfortable with.

And again, if that is something that the child cannot handle, why torture yourself looking at things that are implausible in reality. Reality sucks for a reason :)



ShadowHwk -> RE: location,location,location (3/9/2004 2:33:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: synthia

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



synthia,

Thats a very good question - one which, unfortunatly does NOT have a simple answer. I second the advice given, that if your not willing to relocate, then maybe online searching is not a good idea, and you should become more involved with your local community.

If, and only if, your willing to relocate, under the right conditions, then don't be afraid to stick to those conditions. Just because you say you can relocate, does not mean you MUST relocate just because some one is interested, or thinks they are. You would still have to take the time to get to know them, and distance can make that tough, but not impossible - you have to be patient.

Just my .02
Terry
AKA ShadowHwk



Perempt -> long distance (3/9/2004 4:52:00 PM)

My advice is a bit different from what you have received. The chances of making a good long-term, bdsm hook-up are poor at best. Have you not noticed most that you meet in this life are looking? If you limit yorself to folks in your geographica area, your odds become miniscule.

So, I think you must wrestle with the problems of long-ditance. Any relocation, on either side, will take time to arrange properly, and your prospective partner must be willing to give time, o ine, phone, whatever visits you may arrange....which is a benefit in a way in that you will get to know each other, and any obvious breaking issue will be encountered before either makes an irreversible decision.

If, after months or years, you want to move together, then do it....people change location for careers all the time, why not for a mate?



sub4hire -> RE: location,location,location (3/9/2004 5:02:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: synthia

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



My advice to this is not even part of your topic. Although it is good advice if I must say so myself.
Most people do click online. Here we have nothing but our words. Well thought out words. In person there are many distractions. People..things. Whats to say you met and there was no chemistry between you and your Dominant who lived say 3000 miles away? Would you drop everything then and there? Or would you stick it out because you made someone a promise. Someone who you really did'nt know anything about in the first place?

I have been sucked into the online world years ago. Only problem here is...you don't really know how to take anything anyone says. When its someone you are enamored with, you tend to take it in a positive light. Where in reality it may be in a very different light.
Its easy to find your perfect one online. In reality that perfect one is no more perfect than all the others you pass on the street from day to day.
Dread posted someplace here giving advice to a newbie. She said something along the lines of...learn your vocabulary so you can serve real well online. Learn to be descriptive.
Whats to say your perfect one did'nt follow the same advice?

I don't mean to rain on your parade here. I just want to be sure you are looking at all options. Some online relationships do indeed work out. More than that don't.

Use common sense. Get to know people in person. Phone or whatever works for you. So you can actually hear real emotion.
Munches are also a great place to start.

Good Luck in your Quest



MasterTemujin -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 3:17:17 PM)

synthia what you have posted is so very true. Like many other things in life this is a choice. You have to decide after getting as much information as possible, and taking into consideration your child, if the relationship is work relocating for. You could also ask if the Dom/Master can relocate to your location. I would like to say that the O/others that have posted before me have giving you some very good advice.

R/S,

Master Temujin



ProtagonistLily -> RE: long distance (8/14/2005 4:11:36 PM)

quote:

My advice is a bit different from what you have received. The chances of making a good long-term, bdsm hook-up are poor at best. Have you not noticed most that you meet in this life are looking? If you limit yorself to folks in your geographica area, your odds become miniscule.

So, I think you must wrestle with the problems of long-ditance. Any relocation, on either side, will take time to arrange properly, and your prospective partner must be willing to give time, o ine, phone, whatever visits you may arrange....which is a benefit in a way in that you will get to know each other, and any obvious breaking issue will be encountered before either makes an irreversible decision.


You know, I looked in my general area for years and then expanded my search to online. Being single with no children made relocation fairly seemless and a possibility.

And then, out of boredom one Sunday afternoon, I went to a local munch I hadn't been to in 2 years and sat next to a guy I didn't know. I'd been part of my local scene for a long time, and he was clearly new. We chatted, laughed and enjoyed each others company.

He's my Sir now. Moral of the story? You really never know where you'll find the person you are looking for.

As a Femdom friend says, you have to be in the right place, at the right time, at the same time. And sometimes, that takes a while....

Lily

If, after months or years, you want to move together, then do it....people change location for careers all the time, why not for a mate?



la90066 -> RE: long distance (8/14/2005 6:12:11 PM)


Honestly? If you met someone you clicked with, why not move?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to do so at the drop of a hat, but after speaking, meeting, and spending time together (either they fly to you or you fly to them) on several occasions, you can always find a job, school for your child, etc. in that person's city if they can't move... yes/no?

I, for example, could easily have a sub/slave move in and take her time finding the right f/t or p/t gig for her without putting any financial pressure on her to do so. So truly, what's the big deal -- again, if it's someone you're nuts about?!!

We're only on this planet for so long and able to enjoy our passions for even less time. Why not make the best of it, ya know?

Just something to think about...



MsIncognito -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 6:23:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk
Thats a very good question - one which, unfortunatly does NOT have a simple answer.


At the risk of sounding bitchy the answer is simple. The best interests of dependant minors always comes first.



sub4hire -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 6:32:03 PM)

Another post a year and 5 months old. I think this person has probably resolved thier issue by now. At least I pray that they have.
It's always nice to have someone to share your life with.



ehlovindom -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 6:50:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: synthia

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



I think there is a vast distance (pun intended) between meeting on-line, meeting in person and actually being with that person for extended periods of time in person. Clicking on-line is one thing but have you clicked in-person? There is no reason to pick up and leave your place, especially with a child. The child must come first. Any Dom who disagree with that statement isn't much of a dom/human. Having said that, why is it that you have to move anywhere? Could he not move to where you are? Realistically, it is possible to meet someone for a weekend or a few nights and see how that goes. Maybe getting together every few months is not ideal but by doing so, you could put the relationship into perspective and if it is meant for you two to be with each other, than sacrifices will be made. At least you aren't running off at the drop of an email, so to speak. As for meeting locally, well, maybe next time you see a guy smile at you across the aisle of your local grocery store, you might consider saying hello!



pinkpleasures -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 6:51:01 PM)

quote:

At the risk of sounding bitchy the answer is simple. The best interests of dependant minors always comes first.

MsIncognito


You did not say how old your child is or whether you receive support for her/him, or whether there is a visitation order in place which would need modification before you could remove the child from the court's jurisdiction.

My advice is (1) make sure He is what You really think/want by asking Him to run a background check (criminal -- nationwide; civil; and credit) on Himself and letting Him black out His social security number before giving it to You; (2) find a job in the area where He lives (the federal, state and local gov'ts are great places to search for jobs in other areas, as well as universities) (3) find a place to live (not with Him) that you can afford on the salary you will be making. Hopefully He will pay your moving expenses. Major cities have apartment hunters online; and the classifieds of various cities are available online through the Yahoo homepage; just select "newspapers".

You are a mother first and a submissive woman second. You owe it to your child (in my opinion) to assure her/him that there will be a stable home in the new location. Moving in with Him means your home depends on your relationship...and to me that's just too much risk for the child.

Alternatively, He could move to be near you. This seems much more desirable from your standpoint and it's something you (in my opinion) should explore with Him.

i don't know how long you've been on site, but there are stories, probably true, of women relocating for a Man and having it be a terrible situation. You owe your child protection from that type of result.

As an aside, if you have a child and He does not, you need to discuss decorum in front of the child. Children can and do live happily in D/s and M/s households but they are not exposed to "play" of any kind.

pinkpleasures



MsIncognito -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 7:10:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Another post a year and 5 months old. I think this person has probably resolved thier issue by now. At least I pray that they have.
It's always nice to have someone to share your life with.



Huh, will you lookit that. How does a post that old end up at the top of the threads again? I just assume that if it's on the first page it's new and don't think to check the date. Mea culpa. Thanks for pointing that out, sub4hire.



ehlovindom -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 7:16:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Another post a year and 5 months old. I think this person has probably resolved thier issue by now. At least I pray that they have.
It's always nice to have someone to share your life with.



Huh, will you lookit that. How does a post that old end up at the top of the threads again? I just assume that if it's on the first page it's new and don't think to check the date. Mea culpa. Thanks for pointing that out, sub4hire.


Yes sub4hire, thanks for pointing that out. It is all Master Temujin's fault anyways! lol He started it! Or is that, RE-started it?



pinkpleasures -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 7:22:04 PM)

What the hell? how is this happening? (Obviousl missed sub4hire's warning.)

Can we rummage around old threads and somehow refresh them? And how do we become the new Op?

Man am i confused.

pinkpleasures



sarbonn -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 8:31:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: synthia

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



As people keep telling me, perhaps you should just wait until you are in a position to move to one of those places where you know there is a better chance of finding someone and then just do it. I'll probably do that in a few years myself because the advice is good, if not obvious.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 9:00:47 PM)

Date locally only.

Date long distance but have the other person almost always come to see you and move to you.

Wait until the child is an independent adult.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 10:00:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito
At the risk of sounding bitchy the answer is simple. The best interests of dependant minors always comes first.
I don't think that makes you bitchy, I actually think it makes you sensible, responsible and kind to defend those who cannot defend selves. M



Fidelity -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 10:02:25 PM)

I know the feeling sarbonn. I'm looking to move to a more central and affordable locatiomn in a few years as well-where I can afford land,and build the sort of home and workplace that I want.

Probably towards the east coast-there is a better market for the things I make there. In the meantime,I have pretty much decided to avoid entaglements. I put in ten and twelve hour days as it is,people just don't seem to understand that.

Recently, a sub from another site wanted to correspond-I didn't respond to a couple of emails as quickly as she would have liked. (I failed to check my mail for twelve hours,and respond-horrible me.) So I was asked if I had declined her "offer of friendship"

Now I admit,I had to reply and ask her-"Are you always this needy for attention?" I really don't have a lot of time for penpals. I come here for fun and to relax,not to be sucked dry emotionally.

Sighs,maybe I should just wander off and become a hermit for a few years.



IronBear -> RE: location,location,location (8/14/2005 10:35:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: synthia

It seems i have clicked with Doms/Masters online but they are usually too far away to make it work. I have a child, i can't just pick up and leave. also this is something you can't decide online..i mean to pick up and live together. what does O/one do?



I’m not making light of your plight lass, and I will take more time and respond seriously but for all the Trekkies, I’m sure Scottie could be asked to “Beam you up and down”… Works for me.



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