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RE: location,location,location - 8/14/2005 11:32:40 PM

AAkasha

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

I know the feeling sarbonn. I'm looking to move to a more central and affordable locatiomn in a few years as well-where I can afford land,and build the sort of home and workplace that I want.

Probably towards the east coast-there is a better market for the things I make there. In the meantime,I have pretty much decided to avoid entaglements. I put in ten and twelve hour days as it is,people just don't seem to understand that.

Recently, a sub from another site wanted to correspond-I didn't respond to a couple of emails as quickly as she would have liked. (I failed to check my mail for twelve hours,and respond-horrible me.) So I was asked if I had declined her "offer of friendship"

Now I admit,I had to reply and ask her-"Are you always this needy for attention?" I really don't have a lot of time for penpals. I come here for fun and to relax,not to be sucked dry emotionally.

Sighs,maybe I should just wander off and become a hermit for a few years.

I have to play devil's advocate on this issue because I actually lived this situation -- a really long distance thing that ended up requiring a pretty fast relocation that was not easy, and was a huge risk -- but one that needed to be taken.

I don't think connecting with someone on the other side of the US or on the other side of the world is unfeasible. Just compare it to how feasible it was 15 years ago. How could you even meet people in such a wide variety of locations except by being a penpal?

If two people "click" and have taken it to a level where it is on the phone, and have talked enough about *everything* (not just kink) and exchanged photos and things look really, really promising (as in -- both people stop dating in real life because of the attachment over the net/phone), you just have to take the risk and meet.

It's so rare that someone has "no ties" and can just pick up and move at the drop of a hat -- seriously. Of course there are jobs, families, friends -- everyone has a reason NOT to relocate. But if you want something bad enough and you think that person is "the one," why risk having to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if....?"

Scrounge up the money to meet in person and see where it goes for a short trip -- even a weekend. My best advice is that if the chemistry is compelling enough, you will find yourself looking for solutions and not looking at obstacles for making it work. If the idea of relocating still sounds impossible, then the relationship isn't a sure enough thing or you aren't ready.

I connected with someone from a different country who was 10 years younger than I am with the FULL intention of being able to get over him and move on to a "real" relationship, because I knew there was no way in hell it would work. Both of us have families that remained geographically in the same *city* -- including grandparents. The concept of one of us leaving family structure like that behind - nieces, nephews, parents, siblings....heartbreaking. Then there's the job thing -- he didn't have one yet - fresh out of college -- and I had a very solid career and was looking at the best opportunities of my life -- how could I leave that behind?

On top of that, we had the issues of immigration to deal with. It didn't even matter. It took us about 3 days in person to decide we would get married, and 3 months to take the vows. We had to weigh the pros and cons of moving - one of us had to - and it wasn't an easy decision. I was willing to give up my career and try to start over in another country where I had no connections; he was willing to be the first person in his family to not only marry out of his culture, religion and city but leave the country -- with virtually no notice. When you face hurdles like this, you find out pretty quick if your relationship is meant to be. We didn't look back, and just muddled through it.

It was the right decision ultimately I think, because now I'm self employed and we have the freedom and flexibility to spend a great deal of time in his home town - 6+ times a year. Everything requires compromises and sacrifices. Most importantly, I cannot imagine life without him.

I think people should take advantage as best they can of what the Internet (and reasonable phone rates!) can offer when it comes to finding a partner. Along the way you might have tough choices to make, and maybe you will make a few wrong ones. But if finding a lifelong mate is your ultimate goal, you have to take some risks.

Akasha

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 3:32:32 AM

NakedOnMyChain

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From: Indiana
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I'm with you! (Nice name, by the way). =) Don't pack up and leave for the first dom/me that sounds nice, but if you find a good one communicate openly and honestly. Who knows what could happen? I wish you luck.

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 7:25:32 AM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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I have got to get my prescription checked, I thought it said:

lactation,lactation,lactation

Ron

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 7:27:29 AM

imtempting

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What one does is find someone closer.

As if moving is not possible then it is the only thing possible is to look for someone closer.

I will not flame here tonight.

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 9:29:51 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
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Hmm... for threads this old, does this mean we can ignore the OP entirely and just go off however we like?

I've moved for someone else - gave up everything, all my family ties, my entire comfort zone and drove 3000 miles in three days to make the trip. The relationship ended in under a month; it turns out she was a lot more comfortable with making promises than following through, but that's neither here nor there. I don't regret the move. It may have been for the wrong reasons, but I've grown a lot and the area really is better in a lot of ways. Of course, my obligations could either be taken with me or dealt with remotely...

A child certainly qualifies as a hard limit on this, you shouldn't muck with their growth like that for this reason. Moving to give them better educational opportunities, some form of medical attention, to move away from a nasty domestic situation, these are valid reasons... because you click with someone online, no matter how profound, not a valid reason. Their welfare and development is the responsibility you accepted.

On the other hand, if you don't have a child - I do my socializing online. Everyone I click with has always been in another state, and in most cases another time zone entirely (plus I've got a passel of droogs in other countries - love the internet, I really do). That's just a part of life to me. Dating people closer/offline is certainly more convenient, but isn't a cure-all either, it just comes with its own assortment of problems. The insane ones, for isntance, can stalk you a lot more effectively when they know where you work... but this is just me. As with everything else, persistently, Your Mileage May Vary. It works both ways, and people were somehow managing to hook up for a few hundred thousand years before the Intarweb came about.

It's really down to individual temperment and deciding which issues you want to deal with. If you want to work with leaving the house, finding a group of like-minded people (in this case, munches), hoping you click through random interactions, turning people down face-to-face where things can get dramatic and you don't have a mute button, go local. If you want to stay in the comfort of your own house, seek out kindred penpals, wade through the wide variety of nutjobs and liars, and accept the fact that they're rarely going to end up within half an hour's drive, go online. Neither way is "right" - they're just ways.

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 2:14:44 PM

CalliopePurple

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Speaking from the point of view of someone who moved WAY too many times as a child and is in the process of continuing that pattern into young adulthood, I think anyone with a family should have a damn good reason for picking up and moving, especially if it's far across the country. Most of my moves were due to divorce/custody issues, inability for my parents to find jobs, and family emergencies. All those are valid, to me at least.

It also depends on the age of the unmentionables. When I was six and moving, I didn't mind it as much as I did when I was fifteen. Wait, the move at fifteen was by choice. Still didn't enjoy the uprooting, though.

I'd move to live with someone I met online and felt a connection with. Hell, I did it, even though it was just a friendly connection. Didn't work out and now I'm leaving to go be with someone else the Internet found for me. I take chances and hope they work out. Guess that's a benefit to being nineteen and with relatively few ties to anything.

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 2:27:04 PM

fastlane

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Well, I have decided to search henceforth, only in the United States, them Russian submissives are too hard to understand!

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 5:56:38 PM

kyakitten

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity
Recently, a sub from another site wanted to correspond-I didn't respond to a couple of emails as quickly as she would have liked. (I failed to check my mail for twelve hours,and respond-horrible me.) So I was asked if I had declined her "offer of friendship"

Now I admit,I had to reply and ask her-"Are you always this needy for attention?" I really don't have a lot of time for penpals. I come here for fun and to relax,not to be sucked dry emotionally.

Sighs,maybe I should just wander off and become a hermit for a few years.

A wise man who once frequented this site said that the primary need of submissives & slaves is the same primary need of most *all?* human beings -

- Consistency.

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:26:57 PM >

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RE: location,location,location - 8/15/2005 6:19:19 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
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Looking for someone is a daunting job. Yes, it is another job. I am on this site to not relocate but to see others that don't attend functions in our area. I am very involved in our community but have not had the luck of meeting someone. So, I decided to move outward. I have to say, the only luck I've had is too far to be possible, if it were at all.

Children should always come first..everything else follows..Just don't be rash in any decision because in the long run, there is more than one person's life at stake here..

Respectfully,
sultry

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