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A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/26/2009 6:45:24 PM

Steponme73

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For those of you who beat, whip or flog your signicant other, how do you know when enough is enough? What do you use as a guage for that majic point?
What happens when there is a difference of opinion? Either you want to do it more and they don't or they want it more and you don't.

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/26/2009 6:51:19 PM

LadyLupineNYC

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ooooo....*gets all excited since there is a play party this Sunday and the boy has done poorly on some test recently

*

For some it will be at the use of the safeword. Personally, I try to learn to read the body language of the sub. It really can be different for each person. It might be a certain way the body is starting to tighten, or even a total body surrender that comes just before the limit is hit. With my current boy I am looking for the window where he is just about to start crying, go one or two steps further and then go into 'aftercare mode' at which point his emotional release tends (not always) to follow. When done just right, it is very cathartic for him and satisfying to me.

As for wanting more if they don't...they can beg 'no' all they want but that isn't the 'magic' word so I just keep going.

I am interested in other ways D-types do this....

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/26/2009 7:12:15 PM

LovingMistress45

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I have a tear fetish, so that is a point I love reaching. I do stop if a safeword is used. I am also good at reading body language. What if I want more....well that depends on the relationship and the sub. With a pain slut that I have played with a lot or am in a relationship with I will probably push it a lot. I have at times deliberately pushed to get to the point of a sub using his safeword. I have never really had want more than I wanted....LOL

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 10:24:59 AM

MsDDom

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often they (boys/subs/slaves) want more and beg for the threshold to be reached or expanded...safewords will be used and recognized...
i have a heavy hand and will definitely assist a boy in getting more in tune with all his "pressure points"...

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 11:03:11 AM

Lockit

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I am not a sadist to extreme... but I do have my moments more charged with what is happening and will go further than I thought I would when I started. I feed off of my submissive and think we actually feed off one another. I watch him closely, talk a lot before, even during sometimes and after. I learn about the things I don't know and will not cross over into things I don't know and what could happen if I don't know something and could cause harm physically or emotionally.

I will sometimes stop, stand and watch and evaluate things. I don't get into a frenzy where I am not paying attention. If I ever think that we might cross a certain point in some activity I plan or have been asked for... it is discussed before hand, but I will often ask how he is doing. If he is honest, I can determine how far to go or not. But body movements, sounds, all sorts of things tell me what is happening and by the time I play with someone, I know enough to know how to read him. I have done some more casual play or in a new relationship stuff and am even more concerned with how things go so that there are no mistakes. Have had some funny moments when things didn't go quite as planned...lol... but I don't like risking anything becasue whoever I am playing with, I value.

I had one who was taking some pretty painful cbt and I stopped. Afterwords he said... I was just about to tell you I couldn't take anymore, but before I could, you stopped. I knew. Just from watching him, his body and expressions and gasps.

In the moment one might not give or get as much as they want... but there is always the next moment to get that right in. I just want to be assured that all is well. I would rather fall a little short than to go too far and once we know each other well... I think everything will balance out.

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 12:09:02 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73
For those of you who beat, whip or flog your signicant other, how do you know when enough is enough? What do you use as a guage for that majic point?

When beating a boy, enough is enough when one of three things occur with me: 1: he goes into deep subspace, is no longer sufficiently aware/can no longer protect himself; 2: he isn't the type to go under, despite giving in to the experience and sensation (a different subspace), and gently begs "please Ma'am or ..., I don't think I can take anymore." The 3rd option, which I hope goes without saying for everyone, is when there is an increasing chance that harm will be done if I continue.

quote:

What happens when there is a difference of opinion? Either you want to do it more and they don't or they want it more and you don't.

I think option 2 answered this for myself, above. In these instances, trusting, and respecting one another are of paramount importance, as well as a safe word. I don't fancy myself a sadist, but can get carried away doing one or two things, and as such, I always allow for communication to flow both ways as a check/balance system, when there is potential for harm.

The above reply, does have some downsides in terms of manipulation from submissive/bottom side, and a dissatiesfied dominant/to side with communication breakdown. Personally, I would err on the side of caution, given the potential for legal ramifications in harming someone by not listening to their plea for "no more." M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 3/27/2009 12:23:48 PM >

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 12:14:54 PM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I am not a sadist to extreme... but I do have my moments more charged with what is happening and will go further than I thought I would when I started. I feed off of my submissive and think we actually feed off one another. I watch him closely, talk a lot before, even during sometimes and after. I learn about the things I don't know and will not cross over into things I don't know and what could happen if I don't know something and could cause harm physically or emotionally.

I will sometimes stop, stand and watch and evaluate things. I don't get into a frenzy where I am not paying attention. If I ever think that we might cross a certain point in some activity I plan or have been asked for... it is discussed before hand, but I will often ask how he is doing. If he is honest, I can determine how far to go or not. But body movements, sounds, all sorts of things tell me what is happening and by the time I play with someone, I know enough to know how to read him. I have done some more casual play or in a new relationship stuff and am even more concerned with how things go so that there are no mistakes. Have had some funny moments when things didn't go quite as planned...lol... but I don't like risking anything becasue whoever I am playing with, I value.

I had one who was taking some pretty painful cbt and I stopped. Afterwords he said... I was just about to tell you I couldn't take anymore, but before I could, you stopped. I knew. Just from watching him, his body and expressions and gasps.

In the moment one might not give or get as much as they want... but there is always the next moment to get that right in. I just want to be assured that all is well. I would rather fall a little short than to go too far and once we know each other well... I think everything will balance out.

I love that phrase Lockit, its just so appropriate.
I think when I get into full Domme mode I become so acutely tuned in to the person I am flogging. It's not just a bottom but someone, like Lockit says, 'your truly feeding off'.
I can with the right person be truly sadistic, especially when it comes to flogging, caning and whipping and for that reason I will always look out for a masochist!
I want and need a reaction from the person I am beating. To me there is nothing more exciting than a yelp, a tremble and even a scream but I never (at least I hope I don't) go over the threshold that becomes too much... though I too like to make people safe word

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 12:19:51 PM

Lockit

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LOL... a good feeding is soooooooo fulfilling!

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 3:50:47 PM

Vendaval

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

For those of you who beat, whip or flog your signicant other, how do you know when enough is enough?
I pay attention to breathing patterns, body language, involunary sounds, and the marks on the flesh. Sometimes the safeword is used.

What do you use as a guage for that majic point?
That differs depending on the individual and their health at the time. One person who had surgery and a cast was at a much lower pain threshold months later after the cast was removed than he was previous to the accident. Adjust accordingly.

What happens when there is a difference of opinion?
Safety first, always.

Either you want to do it more and they don't or they want it more and you don't.
Safety first, always, for any and all parties involved.

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 5:44:21 PM

Steponme73

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Being a thick headed, non-observant male, it truly amazes me that you can read so much from another person about what is going on. Thank you for your responses

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/27/2009 5:56:22 PM

LadyLupineNYC

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Maybe that is part of the value of switching (though that has never worked in my D/s relationship); so that you can get a better feel yourself what types of signs you might be giving off. I don't think it is very hard with someone you know well (which is also why the exploratory phase with someone can be so amazing...or so bad), however when I am with someone I don't really know it can be more challenging. I did manage to get it right off the bat with this one boy during his 1st time- he dipped almost directly into subspace and as a result I found he became very easy to read because his body signals were so strong and almost primal. All and all, I also agree 'feeding' off the s-type is a great way to put it.

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RE: A question for the Ladies about beatings - 3/28/2009 7:24:45 AM

thetammyjo

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Fox is not, NOT a masochist, so in general it doesn't take much SM for me to get the rush I like with him. He will take as much as he can before he safewords, going beyond tears though usually the tears make me feel all tingly inside and turned on so that's when we stop.

For us, it's about him making this sacrifice of service for me that is the reason.

With a masochist it was always about helping them get to that level of rush they enjoyed.

Both are wonderful but the experiences are different from each other.

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