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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 7:25:46 AM

truesub4u

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Thanks all..... you've been able to shed some light on things I've been trying to explain to my friend Richard. He sees it now from both points of view. It's very interesting to learn the hows, the why, people do things they do in the lifestyle.

Thanks again.

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 10:02:09 AM

yourMissTress

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I was just going through more of the thread of Lifestyle = sex, seen tis in other threads as well. And I ran across a few responses that left me thinking about some I wouldthing like to have others view points on.

Now this isn't a rant, this isn't a attack on ones thoughts or view points. This is a serious question.

And the question is..... Am I reading some of these responses, post correct? Some decide to enter into submission and or slavery because they're tired of dealing with reality? Tired of dealing with certain responsiblities of everyday life? And upon entering this life, they see added perks? What I mean by this, is the added perks being non responsible for bills, (sometimes work), life in general. Only having to deal with the home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising kids. Not having to be concerned on a personal level if the electric bill is paid, groceries, gas for heating..... etc.

I know not all do. And I know there are sub/slaves out there that do work. I'm asking about some. Does some just look for a way to escape responsibility of the every day hussle and bussles that most of us stress about? And go with the relying on another to deal with it, so they're not bothered by it?

Have any Doms ran across these types of sub/slaves. Accepted this?

Have any sub/slaves started out with this in mind?

I am asking this too more on the behalf of a friend that has found his Dom calling, and this has crossed his mind, how to be leary of ones looking for a Sugar Daddy.

We both look forward to seeing others thoughts and opinions on this. Thank you.

My email box is constantly bombarded by sub/slaves that want to quit their jobs, sell their house or vacate their apartment, give up all responsibilities and be my live in man-servant. I would then have to assume all responsibility for thier health/dental insurance, current room and board and necessities, as well as their financial future (i.e. savings, investment and retirement). Now for some, this might be a profitable venture for me, and for others not so much. The point of the matter is that the desire to be free of financial worries and stress is common across the board. It's a fantasy shared by women and men alike. If it didn't exist there wouldn't be anyone playing the lottery.

The bigger question, for me, is this...If you put yourself in such a position, and the person you have entrusted with your life savings or lack thereof hasn't done the best job with what you did have and you have nothing to fall back on, who's to blame? When you are at the point in your life that someone HAS to take care of you, and you don't have the resources to pay for it, what are you going to do? Personal responsibility can be avoided, but is that really the fantasy you want to live out and chance?

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 10:26:19 AM

OscarHargraves

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Yup. That's the way I read them too. I guess that's okay for some, but I wouldn't want a Sub who can't deal with things on BOTH levels, reality AND BDSM.

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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 11:00:40 AM

truesub4u

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I guess this is ok for some. But I look back and think of a family member who spent almost 45 years... being "taken care of". And when her husband died. She was lost. Didn't know how to write a check, who to send payments too exactly because of getting things messed up. It became a real burden to her. Her oldest Son had to step in and take on this responsibilty of making sure she didn't lose her house, electric, car. He gives her money when she wants it.. (it is hers after all) so she can get groceries... and things she needs and wants.

No I like being able to do things, work, and be responsible for. So that I know... I'll be ok. Should I find myself alone again.

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 11:47:17 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

I guess this is ok for some. But I look back and think of a family member who spent almost 45 years... being "taken care of". And when her husband died. She was lost. Didn't know how to write a check, who to send payments too exactly because of getting things messed up. It became a real burden to her. Her oldest Son had to step in and take on this responsibilty of making sure she didn't lose her house, electric, car. He gives her money when she wants it.. (it is hers after all) so she can get groceries... and things she needs and wants.

No I like being able to do things, work, and be responsible for. So that I know... I'll be ok. Should I find myself alone again.

Do you need to constantly know that you "can" do something? How do you really know? Valid confirmation is living a completely independent life. How do you "prove" this if you are in a relationship where the other party contributes to a common bank account, household responsibility, or anything in your life? Is it the degree of responsibility that determines if someone is a "sugar daddy"? When the threshold of 51% is reached does that person, regardless of household status or gender become the "daddy"? Wouldn't it also indicate the degree of trust and commitment? Ideally a commitment to a relationship that both parties in the relationship deem more important than any self.

These stories are always told from the perspective of the person being "taken care of". It works both ways. Losing beth would destroy my life; emotionally, mentally, and of course physically. It has not been 45 years, but enough years have transpired to rely on her as I do the effect of gravity. The fact that she does not contribute monetarily to our relationship doesn't come into consideration when calculating her value.

You can learn how to write a check but you can't learn to "want to" write a check. The physical or mental ability doesn't eliminate the reminder that you are doing something the previously used to be done by someone you loved who isn't there anymore. Maybe she didn't want to visit that painful memory. After 45 years, I'd site that as an example of the relationship's success not it's failure.

If its just money or financial security don't invest in a person, buy into a mutual fund; MUCH more reliable.

Granted everyone should have "contingency" plans. We do, and we (okay I) review and amend them as situation dictates. Planning for the "worst case" obviously is necessary, but what about planning for the "best case"? Maybe too much time is spent focused on relationship failure. If the same energy was invested in the relationship's success more may achieve it.

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 1:46:37 PM

truesub4u

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Breaks out her... How to talk up to others level.. book

This post had nothing to do with dealing with focusing on nothing but failed relationships. It was focused on knowing if one was willing to go into a relationship knowing they were going to end up a full time sugar daddy... or sole supporter. Or if one was looking for full 100% support in all aspects of respnsiblitiese that lay beyond house cleaning.. child raising.. cooking.. laundry. I'm talking about paying bills... making the money to pay those said bills. Making sure everything runs smoothly day to day without having the main responsiblity of it all. In other words.. do some look for the ONE person to make all the things around their life go way so there are no more worries.. no more stress.. no more hassles with bill collectors.. no more bullshit about having to worry about rising gas prices... fuel cost to heat homes... it's all someone elses responsibilities.

Because it's not their responsibility no more. They have no cares, no worries..

I'm trying to get my friend to realize that this has happened.. it does happen.. people get suckered left and right by Doms.. and Subs... He's just trying to see the picture of what others do about it when it happens... either it be Dom or sub.

No ones forgetting the value of people in general. Though some do see other people as victims... not human... just suckers.. and they pounce....

Mercnbeth....

thanks again with response

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 5:25:45 PM

DragonNphoenix

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Okay.. so I have a different view on this. My Dragon says home (he is the Dominant) and I work outside the home (I am his slave). We have reversed the standard roles. Why? Because he was injured in a car wreck and now can not work. He runs the house. Yes he controls all the money, but I am the one working outside of the home. Did I entertain thoughts of 'being taken care of'? Yeah... I think that I did for a while... but Dragon and I were together before I became his slave.. so I knew that I would not be able to quit working and just be at home 24/7. But that brings up that question of what does 24/7 mean...

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 10:02:11 AM

la90066

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I actually state right in my profile, that I don't want anyone who's looking for a "sugar daddy".

Hey... For the one I love, there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for her, but the difference is when one "appreciates" vs. "expects".

That's my $0.02 anyway?!!

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 11:21:16 AM

Petruchio

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quote:

I actually state right in my profile, that I don't want anyone who's looking for a "sugar daddy".
Hey... For the one I love, there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for her, but the difference is when one "appreciates" vs. "expects".

Y'all made me realize how much I despise all those code words vanilla women use in their ads. Phrases like 'financially generous', 'accustomed to the finer things', 'pampered lifestyle'. If one has it, of course they want to share. They are nothing more than succubae.

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 12:10:53 PM

RiotGirl

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Well, being that i have read nothing on this thread other then the title and a few lines in the OP as i scanned it. i would like to add my 2 cents = )

i want a sugar daddy!!! And i would need one with lots of money. Cos i tend to break their banks fairly quickly.

/start daydream
i can imagine now.. big old house.. acres around it.. having some one give me a manicure.. hollering at some poor excuse for a guy that i NEED an ice tea RIGHT NOW and how dare he be so rude and to take so long getting it to me? Does he want me to die of dehyradtion while i wait? i swear men, so unthoughtful. He COULD of been waxing the floords, doing the laundry, cleaning my personal bathroom, washing the windows while i was ASLEEP so he could wait on me hand and foot while i was awake. But nooooo he's got to be rude, inconsiderate, unthoughtful, and down right NOT THINKING to be doing these things while i was awake. WHAT if i break a nail trying to change the channel on the TV? ::rolls her eyes:: i could die of starvation, and thrist, and my pedicure could go haywire. The doorbell could ring. i CERTIANTLY could not get up and get that doorbell. Even if it IS a 4k diamond necklace he recently bought me. i mean REALLY ::rolls her eyes:: if he can buy it and have it delivered, the lazy bastard can stop cleaning my floors to retrieve it from the door. EVERYONE knows that a REAL man would buy one at a store and not have it delivered! :huffs:

i think.... he should send me on a trip around the world to apologize for his rudeness.....

/end daydream

yeah i think i could live with having a sugar daddy.

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 12:12:24 PM

RiotGirl

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quote:

succubae

can i continue my daydream and have you explain what this means to me, instead of having to waste my precious time or my finger nails (they COULD break typing it into dictionary.com)

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 2:40:22 PM

truesub4u

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LMAO Riot..........

great... now Richard said he needs to find a second Job...

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/28/2006 3:12:16 PM

Petruchio

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quote:

can i continue my daydream and have you explain what this means to me, instead of having to waste my precious time or my finger nails

Good thing you're a sub, Riot, 'cause I got an ass-whupping waiting for you!

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RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/30/2006 9:56:56 AM

Pentagod

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Littlepita

I agree with this for myself. I lived too long in a vanilla life that forced me to be in a dominate role that I didn't want and didn’t handle very well. When I told my husband that I wanted a divorce he begged me and told me I could have all the control and he would do anything I told him. I just looked at him with sadness for how little he knew me or himself. I had already had the control. The difference was that he liked to pretend he had it and now was willing to let it me have it openly.

No! That is not who I am or what I want. My Dom will take control. He will expect obedience and to own me. I will give up the responsibility of taking care of myself and let him have it.

But, that doesn't mean he will be my sugar Daddy where I will get a free ride out of him and a new life where I don't have to worry about all the day to day stuff. It does mean that he will take over much of the stuff that I have hated for years. He needs me in a way that fits who I am deep inside. What he wants me to do I want to do and plan to work hard on being the best submissive he could ever want or need.

I have to learn to give up control. I have to trust him enough to not second guess his decisions. To know that he always has my best interest in mind and would never hurt me in a way that would be damaging. I have to work hard on myself in regards to health and education so I can get a job that will make me self-sufficient. I have always been in a position where I have to have the help of a man to support me. My Dom's most important purpose he says is to get me to a place where I don't need anyone to take care of me. Then when I submit everything to him, we know it's only because it is what I want to do and not what I have to do.

For awhile my job will be to make him happy, to love him, to learn who he is and what he wants and learn to submit to his will. Sure, he will take care of me financially for a while. But that is only because he can do it. If he couldn’t I would do whatever was required of me as long as he always stays my Sir.

quote:

to give up control. I have to trust him enough to not second guess his decisions. To know that he always has my best interest in mind and would never hurt me in a way that would be damaging. I have to work hard on myself in regards to health and education so I can get a job that will make me self-sufficient. I have always been in a position where I have to have the help of a man to support me. My Dom's most important purpose he says is to get me to a place where I don't

This sounds like my sub and I. She and I are just starting out ( 9 months ) but this is my 'rules' for her to be my sub. She cannot be until she has accomplished self reliance. The old statement of 'you can't help me if you can't help yourself' is true here. ( I hate that got put into a rap song... ) Anyway. I like the idea that you are striving to be the one to take care of you and meet as a willing consentual sub. This takes a LOT of effort and certainly proves you worthy in MY eyes and shows a discipline that is necessary to continue forward.

-Penta

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