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what if you just change your mind? - 3/27/2009 6:48:57 PM   
MARAA


Posts: 38
Joined: 2/27/2009
Status: offline 		If you become owned/are owned and you had done lots of other girls/men-if opposite- and suddenly felt you couldnt do it anymore,got tired or incapable of some reason, and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it,what would you do? and you knew damn well you could before,but just changed your mind?
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/27/2009 7:33:17 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ummm     ....   if you are in a relationship that is a bad fit, then leave. No muss, no fuss.

Why would this even be an issue?

(in reply to MARAA)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 7:35:41 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		You would need to do some thinking about what's really going through your mind.  Is it something that once got you excited and now doesn't?  Or something that never excited you but you did it for the sake of your Dominant?  Is it something that you just don't feel like doing today or this week, or something you think you don't ever want to do again?

This is where the difference between a sub and a slave can come in.  A sub may be able to easily say "I need a break from this for a while" or "I don't think I ever want to do that again".  A slave accepts the decision of the Master/Mistress and does their best.  (This is only a generalization; some subs have little choice and some slaves have a lot but generally subs get more right to veto something than a slave.)

It ends up being a question of balance.  If you know that your Dominant wants this, and you don't want to do it any more, what will be the consequences of you not doing it?  Mild disappointment or the end of the relationship?  Do you just need a break from it or is the urge likely gone forever?  Are you willing to do it to put their needs first in order to keep the relationship healthy, or is it something that you feel you can no longer bear?  Look inside and try to figure some of those things out and then talk it out with your Dominant. 


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(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 10:32:16 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		If you become owned/are owned and you had done lots of other girls/men  You are referring to the fact that an "owner"  pimped "the owned" out like a whore?The about to "become owned" should have all the facts about the "owner" and the intentions of said "owner" prior to being "the owned." If the "owner" turned pimp, "the owned" has a brain and should make use of it.  -if opposite- and suddenly This choice never comes suddenly and we speak of "the owned."  felt you couldn't do it anymore,  A sense of moral values becomes louder than being whored?    got tired or   Speaking of exhaustion, boredom ??????incapable of some reason,  Surely this is due to many types of STD's ...... and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it,what would you do?  Kick the asshole to the curb.  This "owner" is not a protector of any kind and only wants to feed off of his own sick desires of sexual perversion and voyeurism.and you knew damn well you could before,but just changed your mind?  I do know many an "owned"  will do anything to please the "owner" .....but my greater question would be.... would the s type have done any of this behaviour on their own, been a prostitute, before being involved with the d type? 

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 10:38:24 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You can always leave.  However, I feel that you should discuss the issue with your D first. If you cannot agree, THEN leave.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RealSub58)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 11:26:14 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

If you become owned/are owned and you had done lots of other girls/men-if opposite- and suddenly felt you couldnt do it anymore,got tired or incapable of some reason, and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it,what would you do? and you knew damn well you could before,but just changed your mind?



i became incapable of having sex, as well as losing the ability to perform certain elements of BDSM activity as i became more and more disabled. Nobody bailed out. We had already taken the decision to be a poly household, in part knowing what my prognosis was, so it just meant an adjustment in dynamic, a re-assessment of what we meant to each other, and then getting on and doing what had to be done.

For some, losing such an integral part of their activity might well spell the end of things, all i know is that we have more going for us than what has been lost or re-evaluated, changed through circumstance.

* my emphasis added to quoted piece.




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pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to MARAA)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 11:50:47 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

done


Do what? Done what?

(in reply to MARAA)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/28/2009 2:46:41 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

If you become owned/are owned and you had done lots of other girls/men-if opposite- and suddenly felt you couldnt do it anymore,got tired or incapable of some reason, and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it,what would you do? and you knew damn well you could before,but just changed your mind?


IF I am understanding you correctly:

If you are owned and had done lots of bisexual acts with people of the same sex and suddenly felt you couldn't do it anymore, and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it, what would you do (you know you could do it before but have changed your mind)?

Is it that you no longer wish to engage in those activities or is it something about the way they are presented to you that you find distressing?

How hard a limit is it for you now?

If it wasn't a limit and now it is a soft limit, that would be different than if it has shifted to a hard limit.

If it is a hard limit then ask to be released if you are unable to either reach a compromise that will work for both of you.

But you do have the right to not do anything that is a hard limit.




(in reply to MARAA)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 1:45:10 AM   
asianchloe


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think being willing to do something to put their needs first would "keep" this relationship healthy. Open and honest communication (about something bothering the OP enough to ask for advice on a message board), rather than silent submission is the better route.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
Are you willing to do it to put their needs first in order to keep the relationship healthy



(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 3:41:19 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Ummm     ....   if you are in a relationship that is a bad fit, then leave. No muss, no fuss.

what kiwi said

i have been placed in that position before with a former top who wanted that ultimate male fantasy (ffm) however i wasn't interested. he kept forcing the issue and insisting i should be bi - i on the other hand had enough and simply walked away.  i've been happier ever since.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


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(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 9:02:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I totally agree!  How can continuing to do something you now find distasteful, be healthy for a relationship?  It may prolong the appearance of wellness, but it is going to start to rot from the inside out.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: asianchloe

I don't think being willing to do something to put their needs first would "keep" this relationship healthy. Open and honest communication (about something bothering the OP enough to ask for advice on a message board), rather than silent submission is the better route.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
Are you willing to do it to put their needs first in order to keep the relationship healthy




(in reply to asianchloe)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 9:30:36 AM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MARAA

If you become owned/are owned and you had done lots of other girls/men-if opposite- and suddenly felt you couldnt do it anymore,got tired or incapable of some reason, and your owner still wanted a sub that could do it,what would you do? and you knew damn well you could before,but just changed your mind?


Hello MARAA. Some people have a problem with consent as a concept. Consent is not a binding contract, it is a state of being. One does not consent once in the beginning of a relationship, one consents all the time dynamically. If this is no more possible for you at this moment, and it seems to be of a permanent nature then you ''are'' no more in a consensual relationship. If heart and mind are not consenting, normally you move the ''body'' elsewhere. Just my opinion. RL.

(in reply to MARAA)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 10:01:59 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I think that the basic reason for this post is LACK OF Communication, not your desire to continue past practices. TALK with him. We can't do a thing for you... sorry... I Agree with most of what others have said.
I agree with RL

this is no more possible for you at this moment, and it seems to be of a permanent nature then you ''are'' no more in a consensual relationship. If heart and mind are not consenting, normally you move the ''body'' elsewhere. Just my opinion. RL.



_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: what if you just change your mind? - 3/29/2009 1:20:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Talk to him/her. Figure out for yourself why you've changed and tell him/her what caused this. Explain that for your own health (mental, emotional or physical) you can't do this anymore.

If he/she insists and says they don't care about your health, leave. Same thing as if this happens before you are collared. You want someone who cares more about their sub's well being than about getting his own itch scratched no matter the cost to you.

People develop new hard limits all the time. Come down with diabetis and you'll hard limit food control by anyone but a nutritionist or dietician. That's a health issue. Same applies with your mental health.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 14
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