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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 5:48:01 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

the 1950 types who have a woman 'chained' to the kitchen sink,

Last weekend I was conditioning the wood cabinets under the kitchen sink and some wax polish spilled to the floor which I cleaned up but still left the floor a bit slippery so I called to my Master and warned Him that the floor in front of the sink may be slippery. He replied, "Why on earth would I ever be standing in front of the kitchen sink?"

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 6:29:34 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

the 1950 types who have a woman 'chained' to the kitchen sink,

Last weekend I was conditioning the wood cabinets under the kitchen sink and some wax polish spilled to the floor which I cleaned up but still left the floor a bit slippery so I called to my Master and warned Him that the floor in front of the sink may be slippery. He replied, "Why on earth would I ever be standing in front of the kitchen sink?"

No chance of balance then....

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 6:34:27 AM

InTonguesslave

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i wonder if it has something to do with the type of submission you give. i am at my absolute happiest looking after Sir, making sure he has all that he needs, that he's happy comfortable and im there sexually if he wants me. if my son is around i cant be naked and it gets quite vanilla, so i up all the pragmatic things. he fills every moment in my day, as does Tom, thats where im happy.

so, when he isnt here i cant do what i need to do to feel in-tune. when he isnt here i find it really hard to remember that i am still 24/7 under his control, that i still need to ask for permission to do certain things because life intercepts, its easier to let life flow along as it always used to, to be in control of my life and take charge of the decisions that need to be made. there is a conflict in me at the moment. like taking tom and friends to the cinema last night late meant that i would be in bed long after my 11pm bedtime - circs intervened, i should have asked permission, it all went tits up and because Sir is away and busy this weekend it has all hit the fan this weekend in terms of actually keeping to the rules. i know he wont make a big deal of it, but it unsettles me, not massively, but enough for me to be aware.

right now im waiting for permission to go to waitrose for my meat, its the only place i like to buy my meat, but Sir says that its too expensive and i should buy it from somewhere else. ive kept my grocery bill well below target so i could afford to go to waitrose now. ive asked twice now and he still hasnt answered me. so, basically thats a no and ill have to go to tescos instead.

part of me wants to go to waitrose anyway - the 'me in charge of my own life' part. the slave part knows that i cant. its not a big thing, but its an example of where struggles develop. if i go to waitrose then ive disobeyed him but pleased myself. i cant do that. but a little voice in me right now is saying 'he doesnt have to know, he isnt here' - then im stuck with either having to lie, which i wont do or tell him the truth, which ill have to do - then he ends up wondering what the feck im playing at and who can blame him poor man.

if he was here i wouldnt even ask, id just go to tescos and that would be that.

its like, with the freedom of choice i have when he isnt here, infact because he isnt here fudges the lines - i know its pathetic you dont have to tell me -

anyway, im off to tescos

sorry, being a wind bag today -

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 3/29/2009 6:41:33 AM >

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 6:39:20 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

So my questions are:
For s types: do you struggle within with the balance between control and submission?

I don't struggle with it. I juggle it, which helps create balance in the relationship. Just because I'm "in control" of completing a task doesn't mean I'm in control of the relationship. It means He trusts me enough to give me the responsibility of seeing the task through from start to finish. Nothing more, nothing less. This includes the everyday living "tasks", not just something extra. Me doing my part, Him doing His. It doesn't make me dominant to use my mind, intelligence, common sense, etc. To me, that is balance in the relationship.

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 7:10:02 AM

IrishMist

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Much like agirl stated, (in a roundabout way )...I am not a submissive person...but I can submit to the right person. It's not about the mindset for me...it's all about the other person.
As for the balance...my job requires that I make decisions on the spur of the moment based on the information that I have at that time. My decisons can either hurt ( in a big way ) or they will do the job that we were called in to do. Either way, the responsibility falls solely on my shoulders. I have held this job for over 15 years.
When my husband was alive and I was just starting out in my career, I often would watch him to see how he reacted to certain things and how he handled them; the logic and the reason that he used. I began to use the same in regards to my job.
Coming home from a job in which I was the decision maker to being the 'doer' instead really did not take much 'adjustment'. He expected certain things from me, in a certain way...that's the way it was...and that's the way it would be. I had no reason to try and balance anything out, he did it for me lol.

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 7:25:02 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

the 1950 types who have a woman 'chained' to the kitchen sink,

Last weekend I was conditioning the wood cabinets under the kitchen sink and some wax polish spilled to the floor which I cleaned up but still left the floor a bit slippery so I called to my Master and warned Him that the floor in front of the sink may be slippery. He replied, "Why on earth would I ever be standing in front of the kitchen sink?"

No chance of balance then....

Very curious what you mean? LOL the only lack of balance would have been mine had I slipped on the wax!

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 9:05:21 AM

catize

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quote:

For s types: do you struggle within with the balance between control and submission?

To my way of thinking, submission means that I have control of myself. Since I have agreed that he has the power/authority in the relationship it is my responsibility to abide by that.
Balance makes me think of a scorecard. The tally will never be even if we look at it superficially. I find harmony rather than balance in submission. It feels right, it fulfills me, and all is right in my world.

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 1:04:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

But I have in the past been in trouble when i have 'fallen' into total submission, into that slave mindset, and then found it difficult to extricate myself in the world of work and parenthood.

For s types: do you struggle within with the balance between control and submission?

No, because I didn't fall instantly into total submission, nor did he either expect or desire it of me.

The balance comes when you can grow into it at your own pace. When the relationship slowly deepens. By which I don't mean a few weeks or months. To deeply submit, I must trust deeply. To trust him that much, I have to know him very well. To know him that well means I have known him, and observed his decision making progress over enough time to be absolutely sure that he wouldn't want things that made me a bad parent or daughter or...

And to really know each other this well took years.

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Post #: 28

RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 2:46:33 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

i wonder if it has something to do with the type of submission you give. i am at my absolute happiest looking after Sir, making sure he has all that he needs, that he's happy comfortable and im there sexually if he wants me. if my son is around i cant be naked and it gets quite vanilla, so i up all the pragmatic things. he fills every moment in my day, as does Tom, thats where im happy.

so, when he isnt here i cant do what i need to do to feel in-tune. when he isnt here i find it really hard to remember that i am still 24/7 under his control, that i still need to ask for permission to do certain things because life intercepts, its easier to let life flow along as it always used to, to be in control of my life and take charge of the decisions that need to be made. there is a conflict in me at the moment. like taking tom and friends to the cinema last night late meant that i would be in bed long after my 11pm bedtime - circs intervened, i should have asked permission, it all went tits up and because Sir is away and busy this weekend it has all hit the fan this weekend in terms of actually keeping to the rules. i know he wont make a big deal of it, but it unsettles me, not massively, but enough for me to be aware.

right now im waiting for permission to go to waitrose for my meat, its the only place i like to buy my meat, but Sir says that its too expensive and i should buy it from somewhere else. ive kept my grocery bill well below target so i could afford to go to waitrose now. ive asked twice now and he still hasnt answered me. so, basically thats a no and ill have to go to tescos instead.

part of me wants to go to waitrose anyway - the 'me in charge of my own life' part. the slave part knows that i cant. its not a big thing, but its an example of where struggles develop. if i go to waitrose then ive disobeyed him but pleased myself. i cant do that. but a little voice in me right now is saying 'he doesnt have to know, he isnt here' - then im stuck with either having to lie, which i wont do or tell him the truth, which ill have to do - then he ends up wondering what the feck im playing at and who can blame him poor man.

if he was here i wouldnt even ask, id just go to tescos and that would be that.

its like, with the freedom of choice i have when he isnt here, infact because he isnt here fudges the lines - i know its pathetic you dont have to tell me -

anyway, im off to tescos

sorry, being a wind bag today -

Now tjhis is where I beg to differ. I had great bdsm play and a live in Master. But I remember absoloutely cracking internally when he was standing next to me at a local charity sale event. I honestly do consider that I am an expert where buying second yamd goods goes and anyway the stuff I wanted was for the kids' presents. Instead I had this man standing next to me handing out his money and febating if the price was right.
There were other more serious issues that emerged eventua;ly but it was one small moment like that and I was SNAP out of the dynamic.

I'm SNAP out of a dynamic if I feel anyone is making me feel a fool especialy about domestic things... like thye cost of meat? well hell yes.

So I got exectly what I wanted which is a Master who wants no involvement with the daily day to day way I run mt house. And in terms of physical chemistry and sensation and my trust of His skills it's the very best thing that could have happened. It's worth those moments of sub-drop and brief grief when we part.

Maybe I just don't make a very good slave... but maybe there are bigger issues than the price of meat and where I buy it from. Or maybe everyone is just different. I guess eberyone is just different.

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RE: Balance - 3/29/2009 3:02:51 PM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
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quote:

For s types: do you struggle within with the balance between control and submission?

With certain things most definately. I struggle to send the texts every day that i should be. I'm not used to letting someone know what i'm doing, where i am 24/7. I struggle to ask for permission to go places that i would usually just meander off to like the supermarket, out with friends.
I also struggle to ask for help with issues that i may have. I've always been independent and stood on my own two feet. Knowing that i now have someone i can lean on is a wonderful but hard to use thing.
Stupidly i also find it very hard to remain subby like when it comes to Sirs bathroom. When i last visited him i left it sparkling and full of lovely scrub the bathroom products. I keep finding myself nagging him about whether he has put the bloo in the cystern and whether or not he puts the cleaner down on a night etc. I've gone all domly over a bathroom lol.

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RE: Balance - 3/30/2009 1:39:56 AM

DemonKia

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Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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I find that I approach this from two perspectives, top / bottom, & Dominant / submissive . . . . . .

The more I top the more the desire to bottom builds, & vice versa -- especially when it comes to my sadomasochism . . . . & much like the stereotypical pro-domme customer, I'm 'naturally dominant' in my day-to-day life & I have yearnings to submit . .. . .

I find it 'psychologically safer' to explore BDSM as a top, being a bottom seeking topping 'feels' much more vulnerable to me . . . . . Which is useful as, given the greater bottoms / subs to tops / doms ratio, it's easier to find compatible subs / bottoms . . . . .

Best,
The Demon, Kia

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