The "Getting to Know You" Stage...

The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (Full Version)

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crazyredhead1957 -> The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 8:27:28 AM)
Ladies, Mistresses.....i have a question and i really hope i don't offend...if i do i apologize ahead of time. Is this a "guy thing" or an "everybody thing?" Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want? Note i did not say "all," but "many." i do not want to offend A/anyone. i''ve only a few months in DBSM behind me, and wonder how prevalent this really is. Thank You for any and all input.

LaTigresse -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 8:31:07 AM)
I think it is, in large part, an online thing. I've yet to meet a person, in a social setting, that wants to tell me about their sexual fantasies within the first few minutes of meeting.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 8:34:13 AM)
When you say get right into kink, do you mean talking about it or actually engaging it?

slavekal -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 9:06:00 AM)
I have met some ladies like that too. One lady, on our first meeting, informed me that I was no longer allowed to date any other women. If I had a problem with it, she would take my address book and call every woman in it to tell them they were no longer needed. I will admit that that approach is hot, but it's not wise.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 9:11:32 AM)
i am taken now but, when i was still looking, Some would just ask/talk about it & didn't bother me really...of course They wanted to know what i like. But most pushed for actually engaging in it or for pics/webcam right away & i cut them off saying "i will submit to my Sir when i find Him and i am still looking." Some even sent an initial letter with a sexual demand/request and nothing else in it...those i find especially irritating and would immediately delete and block.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 10:13:45 AM)
If it's a one nighter you can skip the "getting to know you" part and go right to the action part[;)]

LovingMistress45 -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 10:17:02 AM)
I think a lot of that has to do with being online. For some reason there are people that feel free to act like complete and total asses because you don't really know who they are. However, yes there are malesubs on here like that. In the real world I have had malesubs that were ready to play after a brief meeting but never have I had any just come up and ask for a sexual act in person. But I get emails all the time making those requests. The delete button is my friend.

Lockit -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 11:09:44 AM)
In my experience... most... yes! lol In person... online... they want to get to the punch line... fortunately for me... the jokes on them becasue the only punch line they are going to get is to a joke, funny or not.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 11:27:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL:subtlebutterfly If it's a one nighter you can skip the "getting to know you" part and go right to the action part[;)] quote: ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45 I think a lot of that has to do with being online. For some reason there are people that feel free to act like complete and total asses because you don't really know who they are. However, yes there are malesubs on here like that. In the real world I have had malesubs that were ready to play after a brief meeting but never have I had any just come up and ask for a sexual act in person. But I get emails all the time making those requests. The delete button is my friend. i admit that, when i first discovered D/s, i had a one nighter a couple times through a different site and they were very educational and that's what got me hooked, but after that no. And yes, even though i've seen decent P/people on the message boards, i discovered there are a lot of asses online & found the delete button right away. Thank Y/you all for the input. Also, this is the first time i have really checked out the Ask a Mistress forum.....it's great.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 2:40:16 PM)
i looked at my own profile, and i discovered something that may have been part of the problem also. i totally accidentally said i liked cybering.....i've changed that to a Hard Limit. Maybe that will help!!

MsDDom -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 4:03:01 PM)
i say it is 50/50...some subbies will and others will make proper strides in getting to know... some subbies r driven by their kink/fetish and will go straight for that---those r indeed the red flag trolls

stella41b -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (3/28/2009 5:34:37 PM)
There is such a thing as 'getting to know you' which I feel can be also regarded as the 'empowerment' stage of things where either side make allowances, opportunities and possibilities for the other side to get to know them. This could be something simple as leaving an e-mail address or IM addy, asking someone about their day, their life, finding out what they think and feel, and allowing them to probe, discover, explore and gain impressions of the other person. It's hard work, requires a bit of effort, time, commitment, attention, but I feel that if it all comes together it pays off in the end. This is from my perspective, my experience, my way of doing things for even if it doesn't work out after a few months the friendship and contact which remains to me is far better than the shallow or superficial excuses for relationships that people accept through being online. Wham bam no thank you Ma'am.

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/26/2009 9:09:26 PM)
I agree with Stella....it is MINDS first... the genitalia can cum/come later.. it requires time..effort..commitment yes...and it is a good way to WEED out "kink do-me ppl" from either side and see who really wishes to serve or DOMME or who really wants their ass slapped or their genitalia stimulated within hours or days.. nothing wrong with "kink do-me" if thats what you want and you find a match'......... ..........just makes it difficult[:-] when meeting a sub and they want to go under the table and service you in a cafe when that is what happened with the last "domme within an hour."[&o]...or they say "what will you DO to me?" before....I even know what KIND of person they are[:'(] GETTING TO KNOW...is about : * does a DOMMES style match a slave's desires? what do you have in common? talking about experiances... * talking about your day to see how a person responds?reacts..are they angry??pouty? up beat? demanding? * what do they do in their leisure time? video games? art? porn?nothing? rescue animals? what is THIER realtionship to family?/estranged? good? what is THIER confidence like?their ESTEEM * what are their views on BDsM? kinky?nasty? a desire? a hunger/ a need?a session? a lifestyle? AND WITH getting to know a........ PT person/session partener or play-mate much of the above is important. to me anyway * sounds like OP has met..DO ME ppl had one today..said he wanted to come right over to be "used.." no pic nothing.. when I said no thanks..he said "Well fine then if you don't want to maintain your dungeon skills" ahahhahahhahhaha a good article on this is in ELISE SUTTONS website where the subs write about dif kinds of subs... GQ

HeavansKeeper -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 3:13:22 AM)
That's a beautifully formatted post, Gypzy. Back to the main issue here: When we meet someone at work, the first thing we talk about is work. It's what we know we have in common. When we meet someone at school, the first thing we talk about is school. It's what we know we have in common. When we meet someone surfing, the first thing we talk about is surfing. It's what we know we have in common. When we meet someone in the dog park, we talk about dogs. It's what we know we have in common. When we meet someone through a BDSM venute, the first thing we talk about is BDSM. It's what we have in common. I write it that way for dramatic effect, not to presuppose it's true. But it does make sense. I always feel awkward trying to spark up a conversation about travel and weather when I can see "Cock Worship, Ass Play, Humiliation, Spankings..." are a list of things this person "lives for". I feel like its a formality, we do this delicate dance around the issues. I'm not a huge fan of it, but human mating rituals are part of life. Some people never learned how to dance, or dismiss is as unnecessary. Is it necessary? I already have such intimate detail, it seems pointless. CrazyRedHead, I've already seen you leashed up, on all fours, seen down your shirt, and know you like some dirty talk and a spanked bottom. This is hardly the introductory information I'd have if we were pupils or co-workers. I can appreciate the difference here, and the need to handle this automatic intimacy in a comforting manner. I'm certainly not trying to dismiss the wonder of the dance, merely explain why it can go overlooked by so many people.

CatdeMedici -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 4:32:29 AM)
It's the 80/20 rule: 80% of us pay the annoying price for the 20% who fall for it. I, like Lockit though, see it extend to the reality phase as well--first phone chat or first meeting, it seems they are beyond anxious to get to the "kink, especialy if it involves sexual proclivities".

Venatrix -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 6:23:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957 Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want? I'd say approximately 90% (and that's being kind) want instant domination. I no longer even try to get these men to slow down so that we can become acquainted; I just move on to the next e-mail.

LadyPact -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 6:52:09 AM)
If we're talking about an online thing, most couldn't care less about who's on the other side of the kneel. I can't tell you how mail emails I receive with the kink and/or sex laid out on the table. Usually, when I get an introductory note from someone telling Me just how much they love strap on sex or oral worship, I send a reply asking if that would be what the person would say if they were saying that first hello in person. I make a similar remark to those who send cock shots or have their main profile pic as a headless body standing in their underwear. It's not like I'm going to arrange a first meeting at a neutral location, and then proceed to tell everyone to take their pants off so I can recognize who I'm supposed to meet.

Vendaval -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 8:18:34 AM)
LOL...guys, on the first meet show up with your head covered and your pants off. [8D]

LaTigresse -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 8:20:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957 Ladies, Mistresses.....i have a question and i really hope i don't offend...if i do i apologize ahead of time. Is this a "guy thing" or an "everybody thing?" Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want? Note i did not say "all," but "many." i do not want to offend A/anyone. i''ve only a few months in DBSM behind me, and wonder how prevalent this really is. Thank You for any and all input. No, it's not a guy thing, it's an internet thing. Most of the women that contact me are annoying little twits that are only looking for cyber thrills and having a clue what submission really is, let alone being a slave.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... (4/27/2009 9:32:31 AM)
annoying twits?? b...b..b....b...but..but..but..but...butbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbut what about ME????[sm=river.gif] ..neva mind I'm in a weird mood[8\|]

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