Message or wait to be messaged?

Message or wait to be messaged? (Full Version)

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breakme -> Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 1:23:06 PM)
Is it best for a slave to message a Mistress, or wait for a Mistress to contact him or her?

LadyPact -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 1:37:10 PM)
Well, to begin with, if you're actually within a dynamic where the term "Mistress" is being used in the first place, you would probably know the answer to the question. Addressing someone with a title that you haven't earned using, is usually a good way for your initial contact not to receive a reply. (There are quite a few threads on the topic.) As for who should initiate contact, there's no hard and fast rule. For example, I don't tend to contact subs (except for things like comments about things that have been posted on the boards) because I happen to be poly and I understand that many people don't accept that. Others take an approach of seeing someone they like and writing an email. It's all just going to depend on a person's individual style. Edited because the word "begin" and "being" had the same letters. I just put them in the wrong order.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 1:56:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breakme Is it best for a slave to message a Mistress, or wait for a Mistress to contact him or her? Write her. You're not her slave, and she's not your mistress. In fact, there was just a discussion here in which some dominant women were saying that no one can be a slave outside of being owned. Plus, a lot of women don't like the title "Mistress" at all, inside or outside a relationship. So you might annoy the woman if you call yourself a "slave" or call her "Mistress." I'd suggest you just use your name, and talk to her as though you had just met in a nilla social situation. Write a short note that is honest and real. Don't write a pornographic romance novel. Good luck.

strangedesire -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 2:07:49 PM)
I get a lot of messages. I think that many dominant women do. I don't like sending out messages for the same reasons that you probably don't - because it's a lot of work that often doesn't pay off, and you risk rejection. The difference between us is that I get enough attention that I don't need to put myself out there with new people. Again, I suspect that the same is true for many dominant women. She might find you interesting. If you wait you'll never find out. And, uh, RedMagic is pretty good at charming the ladies. Take his advice.

SunNMoon -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 2:43:23 PM)
I always think why not. If you like something about her just go for it.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 3:06:06 PM)
Carpe that diem before someone else swoops in and carps it.

Andalusite -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 3:51:06 PM)
I've occasionally initiated contact, if I find a profile particularly interesting, or respond to what someone says in the forums. :) However, most women a) get a lot of e-mail and b) there are a lot of cultural reasons why many women choose not to initiate. So, it makes sense to be the one to make contact, and if a lady does write to you, respond promptly. Sitting back and waiting for someone to get in touch with you isn't submissive, it's lazy (assuming that you aren't getting mobbed by people to start with).

MsDDom -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 3:57:45 PM)
if there is an interest...write. proper presentation goes a long way...

stella41b -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 5:38:21 PM)
If you're looking for a Mistress no, I wouldn't make contact or expect anything to come from it. If however you're looking for a female friend and a woman who you can get to know before lumping her with the title of Mistress by all means I'd say go for it. That is, of course, on the understanding that your submission holds some meaning for you.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 6:59:09 PM)
If you are interested email her. Don't address her as Mistress, most of us dislike it. Read her profile and if there are instructions, particular on how to address her follow them. Don't offer to be her slave - you don't even know her. Let her know what was in her profile that inteerested you and don't send a wish list for what you would like her to do to/for you.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/28/2009 6:59:11 PM)
A Mistress needs to know your interested. Message her or email her. We know a sub is serious when the sub visits our site and emails us. Be polite and list out what you can do for her, not a list of what you like and want from her. Wait patient for her reply and do a polite follow up after a few days. Hope this helps.

MadameMarque -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 3:45:48 AM)
I wish that boys who view my profile, and are interested, and are appropriate to what it says I'm seeking, would write. I hate to think it, but in some cases, we may both be waiting for the other to write. I don't mind making the first moves. But it seems as if many males, even submissive ones, feel much better about their coming after you, their choosing you, and rather more doubtful if you make the first move, toward them.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 5:36:32 AM)
I see no reason why you should not write to someone if they appeal to you--if you wait, there is a chance that hell could freeze over--HOWEVER, a well written contact please--those little one liners or one word emails are not cute guys and are annoying as hell.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 6:11:01 AM)
Dear Breakme, welcome to the forums. There remain quite a few ladies such as myself who love the art of chivalry and appreciate having a gentleman write to them. When my own submissive first wrote to me he did so in a most charming manner, he'd clearly read my profile/journal entries and made reference to them, but it was the way he engaged me that was most charming - it was clear that he wanted an opportunity to get to know the person that I am, the interest was in me and not what I could do for him. As for you and your situation, any lady will remain ignorant of your interest unless you write to them, but be personable when you do so. You are an individual, so let her know what makes you one, find the common ground to engage her on.

CarrieO -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 6:42:42 AM)
If you were hungry and wanted a sandwich, would you just wait patiently...stomach growling... for the sandwich to make itself and appear in front of you? If your goal here is to meet a woman...not a domme/mistress/goddess but a woman....then I would suggest you get yourself in gear and start writing! I also agree with the others who have said to write to a person and not the personna you want them to be. The men who begin an email with words that imply a relationship that isn't there (domme/mistress/goddess) show me a few things. One...they haven't read my profile as in it I ask them not to address me this way (actually, its in a journal entry that I ask them to read). Two...they assume a relationship that doesn't exist, and we both know what assuming makes you. Three...they really aren't writing to me but to an image they are trying to attach to me. I don't see you as a slave unless you are owned, but that's just me. I wouldn't see myself as a man's Mistress unless there was a dynamic already in place for that. Basicly...let's not jump the gun here...slow down and get to know people while letting them get to know you! Yes...write to women, be polite, be yourself, don't assume, don't be lazy and offer more than just a "do-me" list. You might be surprised and find the woman you're looking for! Good luck.

MissJanice2 -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 6:57:14 AM)
It depends upon the situation. If you are a slave looking for a Mistress, then you can contact them; however, be very polite and creative because none of us like spam emails. If you are in a relationship, your Mistress will dictate your instructions on how to approach her. *Best Wishes,* MJ

breakme -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 7:11:11 AM)
Thank you to everyone for their replies. I have read all of them and appreciate any more feedback.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 7:16:49 AM)
Ah, but now it is me that wants feedback, I want to see if you have acted on any of the advice offered and whether you have had positive results thus far. This mummy domme wants to know [;)]

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 7:55:23 AM)
Message of course, unless the lady you're interested becomes interested enough to message you first... Even if she is interested in you, there are many dominant women who do not do the pursuing, so you'd do well to make yourself known to the object of your affection/desire. M

MistressEllen444 -> RE: Message or wait to be messaged? (3/29/2009 8:03:32 AM)
to the contrary of many here, I do not mind being approached as "Mistress" because it is my name/title on here. I do mind someone begging to be a submissive/slave when they have no idea of what that truly means to me. It is important to note that almost without exception the responses indicate that you should get to know the person outside of their label here. Read, and then read between the lines, then write.

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