When Lies hurt (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

LATEXBABY64 -> When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:32:33 AM)

Some people lie to spare peoples feelings. Is that ok  Other lie and to cover up they have not been caught  this happens with doms subs dommes . Some people lie to get away with things and even make a up a story to support it.. Some people are compulsive liars.  out of habit . Being in the lifestyle is oke to lie to your other. what should do when you catch your partner in a lie how far will you go to let them know they messed up. 



LaTigresse -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:38:56 AM)

Depends on the lie. Too many variables to answer. I mean, think about it really.

If your partner says you are the best sex he/she ever had, do you really WANT to know if they mean "the best sex I ever had except that one time........"



subangi -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:49:08 AM)

I feel that if there is anything that bothers you, be it a lie, a decision or action...its best to maintain open communication and just ask. 



Aileen1968 -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:51:27 AM)

If the question is..."Does this outfit make my ass look big?"
Lie.



DarkSteven -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 7:18:38 AM)

Aileen, your ass looks FINE to me.



agirl -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 8:29:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Some people lie to spare peoples feelings. Is that ok  Other lie and to cover up they have not been caught  this happens with doms subs dommes . Some people lie to get away with things and even make a up a story to support it.. Some people are compulsive liars.  out of habit . Being in the lifestyle is oke to lie to your other. what should do when you catch your partner in a lie how far will you go to let them know they messed up. 


Life and people are far too complex for me to even try to hold any hard and fast *rules* about lying. I have always admitted being a liar and I haven't met a single person in 51yrs that hasn't lied.

I've never been interested in a *lie* in and of itself;  the WHY of the lie is the pertinant thing to ME. I don't punish my sprogs for lying, and I EXPECT them to lie sometimes. The *messed-up* bit, to ME , isn't the lie , it's the situation surrounding it. I prefer to be of some help to fix THAT, rather than get all *heavy parent* about an understandable lie. I try to find out why they felt they needed to and what MY part was in them thinking they needed to. I'd prefer them to be able to be frank with me but accept they wont always be, anymore than I was with my parents.

There's nothing about the *lifestyle* that alters my view on lying. It's not too difficult to discern for ourselves the KIND of lie that we would find distasteful and that would affect our trust.

agirl













TaoWoman -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 9:01:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Some people lie to spare peoples feelings. Is that ok  Other lie and to cover up they have not been caught  this happens with doms subs dommes . Some people lie to get away with things and even make a up a story to support it.. Some people are compulsive liars.  out of habit . Being in the lifestyle is oke to lie to your other. what should do when you catch your partner in a lie how far will you go to let them know they messed up. 


I don't advocate lying ever...however, one can always find a situation in which a lie is a kindness or a safety mechanism. I judge the very few lies I speak by my own conscious and live with the consequences~



DavanKael -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 9:05:39 AM)

As a general practice, it is a very bad idea to lie. 
There are 3 types of lies: Omission, comission, and assent.  Any one is a dishonesty. 
If a relationship needs lies on an on-going basis or a person in a relationship needs to lie on an on-going basis, each is a problem. 
There are single lies that are deal-breakers too. 
  Davan



InTonguesslut -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 10:11:02 AM)

I'd rather have the truth every time!!
Even when it comes to me saying 'does my ass look big in this' tell me the truth. Rather have the truth than go out and have people making comments about the girl whos ass looks huge in that dress etc.



CatdeMedici -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 10:20:55 AM)

IMHO there is a difference between tempering the truth to spare someone's feelings like a young UM or not coming out and saying, wow that outfit makes you look like a walrus and lying--lying gets you booted, I don't do it, I don't hold cotten to it.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 10:28:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Some people lie to spare peoples feelings. Is that ok 



That is what's known as a "white lie".

Example: "No, you don't look fat in those jeans."

Yes, white lies are fine unless the person tells you they always want to hear only the complete truth. Some people really are gluttons for punishment.



chamberqueen -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 10:36:31 AM)

I warn people:  Don't ask me a pointed question unless you are willing to receive a pointed answer.  While I may temper something, I do my best not to lie.  To me, that includes exaggeration.

I have found that I cannot expect the same from those around me.  Most people lie to some extent.  Then I look for motive.  Is it to protect themselves?  Is it out of a selfish motive, or a way not to cause hurt?  What's the frequency?  Is the lie covering up something that could potentially cause me damage (like an STD)?  If they are small white lies and infrequent I can deal with it.





IrishMist -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 11:29:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Some people lie to spare peoples feelings. Is that ok  Other lie and to cover up they have not been caught  this happens with doms subs dommes . Some people lie to get away with things and even make a up a story to support it.. Some people are compulsive liars.  out of habit . Being in the lifestyle is oke to lie to your other. what should do when you catch your partner in a lie how far will you go to let them know they messed up. 

Depends on the lie and the reasons behind telling it. As for how far I would go in letting them know they messed up....that's not my place.



nubie -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 12:45:21 PM)

Lies can shake the foundation of any relationship. I have always been a strong advocate for telling the truth to your partner. Yes we all lie, but I always rather here the truth no matter how painful it is. By striving to be completely honest with the person you can only make the relatioship stronger.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 5:27:42 PM)

if you going to trust someone  and the lie about how much experince they have doing something is that ok ?



DesFIP -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:18:31 PM)

If your partner bought you a sweater for your birthday, do you really want them to tell you that it is the ugliest thing you ever saw? Or would you rather they gush over the color and then tell you a couple of days later that it just doesn't lie right and would you mind if they exchanged it for one that fits better?

Everybody lies.

I told him in the beginning that if he would go off in rages, I would lie to get out of the situation. I'm terrified of people who rage and use their anger to hurt others. He doesn't rage at me. Sometimes he needs to take a deep breath and get back under control but he knows that if he wants the unvarnished truth out of me, I have to feel that he won't knock me down in a rage if it's something he didn't want to hear.



kiwisub12 -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 6:27:16 PM)

If they are the do-er, not the do-ee, then lying about experience on the "I have a lot of experience" end, would seem to be a dangerous lie.  Especially if you are going to entrust your hide to their lack of experience.
So yes, that would be problem with me - especially if i found out the lie because of the lack of skill in doing something to my delicate bod!!!![:D]

and then i would want to know why on earth they thought they had to lie.



StrangerThan -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 8:18:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

If the question is..."Does this outfit make my ass look big?"
Lie.


Sigh. It's such a double edged sword. Time has taught me that its better to dis the outfit itself, not the ass within it when there is ever any doubt. Otherwise the odds of running into one of her bitch friends who will tell her that her ass looks big is directly proportionate to how much trouble it will get you into for telling the lie.

And if you manage to get out with her and back without being caught, accidentally spill some wine or something on said pants - red wine preferably.



cagliostro -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/30/2009 11:29:35 PM)

Lies are generally an end to a relationship for me.  I don't care about little lies, but usually lies aren't minor.  What's sad is that if I were just told the truth I would probably be understanding enough to deal with it productively.



Bstardsbitch -> RE: When Lies hurt (3/31/2009 1:46:53 AM)

I can understand the "little" lies.
The worst kind of lie or liar, is the one that when caught will try and blame the partner for the lie.
Or even worse is the "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you"
The truth may hurt, but a lie is worse in my book.
xx



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125