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Clingy? - 3/30/2009 5:55:26 PM

pridedenied

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So I'm wondering something. Does anyone else out there have the problem of either being too clingy toward their Mistress/Master or having their sub/slave be too clingy? How does it make you feel? How do you deal with it? Are there things that are always too clingy to do or say or does it really depend on the circumstances?Any discussion on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 5:59:31 PM

InTonguesslut

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Hmm i'm the complete opposite, i don't think i'm clingy enough for Sir to be honest. I would hazard a guess that there are different forms of clingy, good and bad if you like. Being clingy because you are insecure, jealous, needy could be a definite problem but a solvable one. Being clingy because your need is greater than your Dom's / subs for that closeness, togetherness, whatever you want to call it could be an issue of incompatibility. I guess it all depends where the clinginess comes from out of the above.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 6:11:17 PM

LovingDom86

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Personally, I love clingy:) I don't see it as a weakness at all, more of an overflowing expression of affection and desire that come from deeper emotions. Cling away!

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 6:13:16 PM

DesFIP

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There's no such thing as being too clingy. What there is, is incompatibility in the amount of contact and attention you both need.

There's a poster on another site who talks to her owner once briefly during the week to set up weekend plans. That's all the contact either of them want or need.

Then there's The Man and I, who are happiest when together damn near 24/7. And when we are separated we send multiple emails during the day, multiple quick phone calls and the occasional text. Neither of us have a qwerty keyboard phone so we get frustrated easily hitting wrong keys. If we had qwerty phones, we'd be texting a dozen times a day also. This amount of contact is just right for both of us.

Now you could be pejorative and characterize the previously mentioned couple as cold fish and emotionally detached. And you could make snide comments about us being codependent and needy and clingy. But both couples are perfectly happy with the amount of contact in their relationships. We're compatible with our partners.

If someone calls you clingy or needy, you need to figure out why you didn't discover this glaring incompatibility before getting involved first, and second why you picked someone who isn't willing to try to discover a win/win solution but instead blame you for something that is as much his fault as yours. Because he picked you despite your need for more contact without discussing it and how to solve the discrepancy.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 6:22:03 PM

kiwisub12

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depends on the relationship - my Sir and i are touchy-feeley people, but i don't live in his lap. On the other hand, Sir had a pet who was right with him at all times - 6 hours a day for 5 days a week for the best part of 8 months. That was the contact she needed - and for the most part, Sir enjoyed it.

or in animal terms, i am a cat - i like being in the room and being patted, but i don't need to be in your lap or on your feet. Sirs' pet was a dog - she wanted to sit on his feet and adore him. Neither one is wrong, they are just different.

If there is a problem and the way of relating has been described as "clingy" by someone in the relationship, then expectations probably need to be updated. I would suggest a discussion of the word in a quiet moment, since to me "clingy" has a negative conitation. Maybe a little clarification is in order.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 7:25:47 PM

lilgirl2008

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This thread has given me pause to think. My last dom, toward the end of our relationship was telling me I was too clingy. During our entire three year relationship, my need for attention hadn't changed. I was the same I always had been. I like to have contact everyday, even if is just by phone. We didn't live together, yet we enjoyed seeing each other every weekend. Towards the end, his need changed. He no longer wanted or needed the same amount of contact or attention. Was his interest fading? yes I would say it was. Does that make me clingy? After thinking about it, no I wouldn't say I was clingy. I needed my Master the same that I needed him from the beginning. The problem was he no longer desired me in the same way. Which is fine, people fall out of love, people loose interest, and relationships end. The problem is that he tried to put the blame on me, as if something was wrong with me for still wanting him as I always had. Thanks for this thread, it really hit home for me.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 7:40:59 PM

Huntertn

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there are times clingy is good..other times it can be a pain..like everything else its a blance I admit I like clingy at times..but too much can drive me out of my mind too..

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 7:41:35 PM

califsue

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My ex-Master said he always liked his slave being clingy so I think it depends.
I find at times depending on what is going on with me and life circumstances
that I am more clingy or needy than at other times. I think as long as you are
aware and you have good communication with your D/M that is what is important.

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Post #: 8

RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 8:09:50 PM

FelineFae

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i'm clingy.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 8:14:48 PM

kuriouswitch

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i was just talking about this subject with someone else. I tend to get clingy when i'm tired or sick or when i'm in subdrop, or after a particularly intense play/interaction. I want to curl up in his lap, close my eyes and feel/smell him all around me. At that point if i could i'd probably bury myself into his skin and never leave. He doesn't mind it, he knows i get that way when i need it, but it's tempered too by the times we do high protocol and nothing is done without permission. Master likes it when i have both sides, the clingy " i need all of you now" side as well as the, " i need my space, lets do high protocol" side.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 8:18:01 PM

ExKat

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I am definitely clingy. Part of it is who I am, part of it is being sub. If I could be touching him all the time, I would be. Imagine how much better work would be snuggled up next to him...mmm.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 9:11:26 PM

lilgirl2008

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see i dont see that as clingy. I see that as you love your Master and want to be with him all the time. I don't see anything wrong with that...it is part of being a submissive. Would a dominant really want a submisisve who is aloof and doesn't care of she sees him or not?

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 9:17:18 PM

KneelforAnne

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Joined: 6/14/2006
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I’m clingy, and I could definitely get needy.

Of all things, I know that fits.

That does not mean I can’t take care of myself or handle my life…

It just means I need more attention--more affection-- than most?

Again, it’s the same thing we read on most threads…

Find the person you fit with, and it won’t be a problem.

(in reply to lilgirl2008)

Post #: 13

RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 9:23:25 PM

BKSir

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From: Salt Lake City, UT
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I love for my pet to be clingy, I even think he could be a bit more so. But at the same time, I'm glad he understands the need and desire for 'me time', on both of our parts. He knows that when I say 'not right now', it's not a slight against him, and that I adore every moment I get to spend with him, but sometimes I just want to lay there in the dark and listen to music, just me. And sometimes, and I don't mind usually, he just wants some time to himself to play video games, or whatever. He also knows that when I ask that he accompany me, or keep me company, that I mean it also. I don't see much of anything wrong with being 'clingy', as long as is understood that there have to be limits to it. Whatever those limits are though, depend entirely on the people involved. However, I happen to like 'clingy'. :)

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 9:31:01 PM

LovingDom86

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilgirl2008

Would a dominant really want a submisisve who is aloof and doesn't care of she sees him or not?

Some do; all part of different relationship dynamics that serve different individuals. Some people need lots of space, and others want none at all. So in the end, it's subjective and depends entirely on who you're talking to. A matter of taste.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 9:43:18 PM

Cuffkinks

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I like My little girl to be on the clingy side. I'm an "adoration junkie" so it works for us. If she had her way, she'd spend all of our time together either in my lap or in bed with me. I find this absolutely adorable. It's very flattering to be thought of in that way. I can't speak for other Doms, but I admit to being a bit of a narcissist. (Anyone that knows me is now saying..."Just a bit, huh?") Well yes. So her feeling that I'm the center of her world and me feeling that I deserve to be treated that way works.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 10:33:32 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

Are there things that are always too clingy to do or say or does it really depend on the circumstances?

My opinion: it does depend on circumstances. It's one thing to cuddle up to him on the couch whilst watching a movie, quite another to attempt the same when he is engrossed in a project he is working on. While "cling tolerance level" on both sides is largely, as been said, a matter of compatibility, there is also a time and place for everything. Too much "cling" on either side can get a bit static (soz, my pun muse made me do it).

That said, and depending on the Dom, there is often room for compromise if the s-type is feeling clingy when the D isn't. Example: he might find having you kneeling at his feet looking adoringly up at him while he's trying to read or work annoying and "clingy", but could well enjoy having you sit at his feet while engrossed in a book or project of your own.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 10:38:57 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

I love for my pet to be clingy, I even think he could be a bit more so. But at the same time, I'm glad he understands the need and desire for 'me time', on both of our parts. He knows that when I say 'not right now', it's not a slight against him, and that I adore every moment I get to spend with him, but sometimes I just want to lay there in the dark and listen to music, just me. And sometimes, and I don't mind usually, he just wants some time to himself to play video games, or whatever. He also knows that when I ask that he accompany me, or keep me company, that I mean it also. I don't see much of anything wrong with being 'clingy', as long as is understood that there have to be limits to it. Whatever those limits are though, depend entirely on the people involved. However, I happen to like 'clingy'. :)

I lubs me some BKSir

Well said!

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: Clingy? - 3/30/2009 11:27:10 PM

cagliostro

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Joined: 12/29/2007
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I appreciate the level of affection that a clingy sub feels. I choose to think of it as very sweet. It isn't unpleasant, if that's what you're wondering about. It can be an indicator of issues someone has with relationships, distance, etc. Excessive clinginess causes me to wonder if she might have some issues she may need to work out, but I'm not judgemental about it. Her happiness matters to me, so if she has abandonment issues, or intimacy issues, I understand that and try to help. "Too clingy" probably just means that she needs help dealing with something.

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RE: Clingy? - 3/31/2009 3:45:13 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

So I'm wondering something. Does anyone else out there have the problem of either being too clingy toward their Mistress/Master or having their sub/slave be too clingy? How does it make you feel? How do you deal with it? Are there things that are always too clingy to do or say or does it really depend on the circumstances?Any discussion on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

I think any ownership dynamic (such as a D/s or M/s relationship) is gonna cultivate a level of clinginess and even codependency with the owned party. And I think that's quite normal, acceptable and desirable.

Just as I think too much of *anything* has the opposite effect. As ever, the middle ground seems to work best, such is Nature's balance....

Focus.

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