Confused?

Confused? (Full Version)

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sinnocence7 -> Confused? (3/31/2009 1:28:12 PM)
Not sure where I fit in? I’m VERY dominant in personality. I don’t like to be dominated except during sex. I find it extremely exciting to be ravished. I’m new to the site and I'm trying to understand just how I fit in. I find only dominate people to be attractive. Strange? I always see Dome/Sub never Dom/Dom. Contradiction?

lovingpet -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 2:00:32 PM)
Lots of submissives have otherwise dominant personalities. It is nothing new. If what you desire is a partner you can submit to, then so be it. If you prefer to co dominate another, then seek that. If you seek a submissive of your own, then go for it. If you feel the pull of something else or more than one of these, that is fine too. It is really about what appeals to you and what dynamic seems to fit your needs and desires. lovingpet

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 2:15:54 PM)
If you're struggling to pin your identity into a box, I understand. Very few of us have clear lines about which box we fit in. Your dominant nature (outside the bedroom) is certainly important to take note of, but since you want to be dominated, you align as submissive. It doesn't mean you can't be a complete bitch outside the bedroom, it just means your play preference is to be the bottom. Moreso, you seem to be a sexual submissive... But putting that on your profile will score you loads on men who ONLY want the sexual submissive, not the strong willed, dominant outside-girl. Whatever colour you choose to align with, be sure to explain your submission ends at the threshhold.

SailingBum -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 2:29:32 PM)
You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it. BadOne

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 3:29:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it. BadOne Nailed it.

RealSub58 -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 3:35:01 PM)
I guess the choice from the OP would be looking for a dominant who is such only in the sexual part and your relationship otherwise is equal and gender roles are either used or decided upon. Like SailingBum said. Labels mean nothing !! Did I say nothing? Yes, labels mean nothing.

DesFIP -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 5:38:04 PM)
For the moment you're a bedroom sub. Should you meet someone who you can trust enough to make the right decisions, you may discover that you enjoy yielding control in nonsexual situations also. But start with being a bedroom sub. Besides smart people don't turn over the keys to their car, the passwords to their bank accounts etc to someone they've just met. It takes time to work up to that level of control.

PeggyO -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 5:44:45 PM)
Also keep in mind you may not ever want to be submissive outside of the sexual arena. Contrary to popular belief, it's not a trust question. You can completely trust your partner, yet not be interested in yielding control in non-sexual situations. It's ok to not necessarily want to be submissive outside certain situations. However, if you find yourself attracted by control outside sexual situations, that's cool too. You don't have to be what other people tell you that you "should" be. You need to be what you are comfortable being.

lovingpet -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 5:50:41 PM)
I think that is a big part of the journey is discovering all these things about yourself. I have said it before too. Labels really do an injustice to the person wearing it. Don't pin one on willingly. There are words we use to help describe who and what we are, but it is the understanding of the term we attach to it that matters. Explain in your profile what you mean by submissive. Explain what it means to you to have a dominant personality. Explain the dissonance you are clearly feeling from this. My guess is there are people out there that, when they have the chance to work with you one on one, can help untangle it all for you and that will be part of the fulfillment they will get out of the relationship. Then you will move on to new challenges, yours or theirs, to enjoy discovering and sharing. Honesty will do more than all the false self assuredness ever will. lovingpet

sinnocence7 -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 6:13:00 PM)
thank you all....I appreciate your comments...its funny admitting/thinking I might be a "sub" in the bedroom...hard for a dominant person to admit

antipode -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 8:24:29 PM)
quote: I might be a "sub" in the bedroom...hard for a dominant person to admit Take the time to read up, and you will see the very logical exploit that quite a few dominant people enjoy losing control (under tightly controlled situations, such as having sex in a bedroom). I recall the sub who was very controlling but insisted she was the opposite, and insisting she had not had an orgasm immediately after she had two in a row. Shouldn't be that hard to admit, but probably limited in admission to a person in whom you have very deep trust.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 9:40:28 PM)
quote: You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it. BadOne More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people...

lovingpet -> RE: Confused? (3/31/2009 9:43:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer quote: You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it. BadOne More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people... I like that! May I borrow it? lovingpet

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Confused? (4/1/2009 3:46:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer quote: You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it. BadOne More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people... ANYTIME Loving pet! I like that! May I borrow it? lovingpet

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Confused? (4/1/2009 4:18:27 PM)
Welcome to the jungle first of all you can have a DOM couple relationship out side the bedroom, and be more D/s like in the bedroom. You could be Dom outside the bedroom with a guy who's sub outside the bedroom, and you guys reverse the roles inside the bedroom. You could be Dom couple in and out of the bedroom. Hell.. damn it.. just find somebody who is into what you are. In short, you can list yourself as a bedroom/sex/kinky only submissive. Not into D/s as a relationship. Then again, who the hell knows, because there are a number of submissives that's that have Dominant personalities and are responisble for a lot of things at work. They simply enjoy having somebody in charge of things on the home front. Lord, you gotta sort of feel things out and simply be honest and a bit open minded. Rememer a relationship takes two people and it all depends upon the chemistry between you and somebody else..

IrishMist -> RE: Confused? (4/1/2009 6:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sinnocence7 Not sure where I fit in? I’m VERY dominant in personality. I don’t like to be dominated except during sex. I find it extremely exciting to be ravished. I’m new to the site and I'm trying to understand just how I fit in. I find only dominate people to be attractive. Strange? I always see Dome/Sub never Dom/Dom. Contradiction? Best advice I can give you is to STOP right now. STOP trying to put yourself in a box. STOP trying to define yourself in this way. Instead, embrace all the parts of your personality and let them reign free. There is no reason to box yourself in and stifle your personality simply because someone/others say that you MUST be 'something'. Be yourself; and in being yourself, you find someone who embraces and accepts all the pieces that make up YOU.

DesFIP -> RE: Confused? (4/1/2009 6:54:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeggyO Also keep in mind you may not ever want to be submissive outside of the sexual arena. Contrary to popular belief, it's not a trust question. You can completely trust your partner, yet not be interested in yielding control in non-sexual situations. It's ok to not necessarily want to be submissive outside certain situations. However, if you find yourself attracted by control outside sexual situations, that's cool too. You don't have to be what other people tell you that you "should" be. You need to be what you are comfortable being. Peggy, should you reread my post I said she "MAY" discover that she enjoys giving up control in nonsexual situations. I did not say she, or any other person, absolutely would. But indeed, just as she may discover she enjoys nonsexual submission, she may also decide she does not.

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