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is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 5:19:26 PM

yesMaster247

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i have a stupid yet silly question:

is it a bad thing to want the extreme?

i mean full control over everything, over every movement, every aspect of my entire life.

i know it is probably just some stupid fantasy so please i ask very politely please don't make fun...i m just wondering if this is normal for a sub? can it be achieved? does anyone else feel this way or have a sub/slave that feels this way.

if you do how does normal life get accomplished?

thank Y/you A/all for Y/your time

anna

Post #: 1

RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 5:23:23 PM

ExKat

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It depends on why you want it. If that's just what turns you on, great. If you're running away from something, hiding in a dom's arms because you don't want to face life, then there is a problem. However, it's not really feasible. There are some doms who might lock you away in the the basement and only take you out to play, but I imagine that those types of relationships are fairly short...eventually you'll get bored, or he will. However, there are others I've seen on here who seek what you do.

If you really think that you can live like that, I expect you are very very careful choosing a dominant. Many promise full-time 24/7 extreme control, but extremely few can deliver.

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 5:26:30 PM

kyraofMists

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What do you consider to be extreme? What do you mean by control? What does everything, every moment and every aspect include? Lastly, what is normal life?

In my relationship, he has complete authority over every aspect of mine and Alandra's life. She and I do not do anything that we do not have his permission to do (permission could be a standing order or something that we have to ask each and every time). That to us, that is normal life. The way it plays out in our lives is completely dependent upon what he wants from us and can change at his whim.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 5:33:12 PM

DesFIP

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There's a difference between him having the right to make decisions and him actually doing so. I mean, he has better things to do than pick my tee shirt in the morning. Do you really want somebody to bother themselves with that level of minutiae? 2% milk or skim, large eggs or jumbo, what kind of laundry detergent?

Because if he's wasting his time telling you about that, what better things could he be doing?

Basically, I have guidelines. He wants whole wheat bread but he doesn't tell me which brand. He's not going to watch me make soup and declare I put only 1/8 tsp salt in it instead of 1/4. That would be silly and ruin the soup.

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 6:14:56 PM

DavanKael

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There's a thread going on in this same section right now called "The power or the right" that's about TPE. You may wish to check it out.
Davan

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 6:28:12 PM

lameduck13

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At one point in my life I desired this as well. And I was not careful choosing a Domme I just gave the first one who came along in RL the keys to my life. I was in some form of bondage 24/7. She decided when I slept and it was when she did, I slept in the frog tie position in a closet for 7 hours every night, I was blindfolded, gagged, and tightly bound. When she was at work I was given a little freedom, but I could not leave the house I was locked in from the outside. My hands were given a range of motion of about 8 inches from my waist so I could perform some tasks around the house. I cleaned, I cooked, I did laundry, and if the tasks were not done to her satisfaction I was punsihed, and my punishments were not enjoyable. My Domme at the time used me for her pleasures, I was permitted one Orgasm per 2 of hers. I was used to satisfy her female friends, I was not to e pleased when satisfying her friends. I was rarely allowed to leave the house. I was permitted to mow the lawn once every other week, this was the extent of my outside allowance. This relationship lasted for 1 year 2 months 14 days before I couldn't take it anymore. Per our agreement my Domme released me, told me I had been fun and she'd miss me.

What you desire may not be that extreme or it maybe more extreme. If that is what you desire I can always give her a phone call for you.

Hope that helps define extreme for you.

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Post #: 6

RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 7:06:28 PM

JovialSadist

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While I've never known of a relationship like you've described, I do have friends who are very much into micro-management. She does work outside the home and her instructions are to always try to accomplish a little more than is asked of her while at her job. Their home life is one of what to wear, what kind of foods to fix and how, all the way down to (and including) bathroom use and procedure.

While they have been very happy and well adjusted to the way they live for years, I could never see myself going that far. I have house rules, rules on certain behavior, and rules concering "play" time; to name a few. But to micro-manage someone down to the last detail... I am just not that controlling; nor do I want someone who needs that much control. Not saying it's wrong just that it isn't what I am personally looking for. I enjoy someone who has an imagination and likes to act on it...

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 7:14:38 PM

lameduck13

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I do not desire 24/7 micromanagement like you described, hence why I got out of it.

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 7:27:25 PM

LadyLupineNYC

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I try to not make too many value judgments when it comes to kink so while it personally doesn't work for me as the d-type to have that much control (seem more like work than being served for my purpose) I will instead relay a story.

Once, many years ago and long before I was active in kink (though I was very kink aware, just with no personal interest) I was watching some sort of news magazine show. The details are hazy in my mind but here's the situation: Husband, wife and 2 (maybe 3?) kids. During the day, husband was regular work-a-day professional but the minute he came home he was, essentially, the 'family dog'. Without getting into the morality of the involvement of the 'ums', the look of wariness on the wife's face said it all- just not what she really wanted but she was going to make the most of it. The kids were somewhat mixed on the issue. Mind you, this wasn't presented is a 'BDSM household' (though I forget what the context was) and yet, he was a man who lived his entire home life in puppy play. While I get that this is not exactly a D/s relationship (the wife was far from some whip-cracking 'puppy' trainer) the situation always stayed with me as being very one-sided, barely functioning and all and all not healthy.

While there is nothing wrong, per se, with desiring such an arraignment (and I know that I, for one get a lot of these '24/7' emails) I do think personal balance is more more productive for all parties and makes the s-type a more rounded and enjoyable companion.

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RE: is extreme bad? - 3/31/2009 7:36:25 PM

antipode

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quote:

i mean full control over everything

I think the word "extreme" is generally used for types of play, or activities. Be that as it may, I've seen a number of sub/slave profiles where the girl/woman asks for 100% control, and I don't see why that would not be possible. It is generally not going to happen with a dom who goes to work 9 to 5, or has kids to contend with, or is otherwise not able to give you his full attention, but I don't see why it isn't possible.

Assuming that this doesn't apply to the master you are already with, you would have to make this your only requirement, and make sure that whoever says they can is actually able to do it.

As to how "normal life" gets accomplished, I don't understand your question, this would mostly consist of "not normal" life, I should think, can you elaborate?

(in reply to yesMaster247)

Post #: 10

RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 6:40:15 AM

VeryNastyDom

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Micromanagement is tough to pull off, and extremely tiring for the Dom. The post above from DesFIP says it well.

If by control you mean that Master can set firm guidelines and keep you within them, then that is easily doable. If Master actually has to make each decision for you, it will be much tougher to find a good match. Possible, but tough.

(in reply to antipode)

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 7:04:40 AM

justgemmie

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greetings anna :)

i once read a profile of a Master here who was looking for the very thing you describe. although i don't remember the details, i do remember the profile including that He would wash and bathe the slave, and feed her, and clothe her, and eventually the slave would be unable to fend for herself and would need Him in all things, including the basics.

i also spoke a little with a couple from here on CM where she literally lives chained naked in the house 24/7 except for those times she must leave, such as doctor and dentist appointments, etc., and is, as above, totally dependent on Him. It works for them.

now, both examples above are too extreme for me personally. but it seems that, since i know of others (and i don't know a lot of folks from here), there must be more around also. So, although you may be different in what you seek than most other submissives or slaves, you are not alone .....

good luck in your search.

gemmie

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 7:23:26 AM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

There's a thread going on in this same section right now called "The power or the right" that's about TPE. You may wish to check it out.
Davan

Bad idea. It's carnage and getting worse by the minute

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 7:54:07 AM

porcelaine

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i believe it depends on where you are in your life, your similarities, and what you both are seeking from the relationship. like most things the idea can be extremely exciting, but the reality can become a nightmare instead. it is better to begin small and build up to the kind of submission you're seeking. i don't believe your desires are abnormal, but you have to take into consideration who you are and if you're comfortable handing over that kind of control. even so, can you do it consistently and truly yield and adhere to his wishes when they counter yours? and remember, we aren't stagnant, we evolve. it is possible that your desires may change down the road. then what?

porcelaine

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 12:11:52 PM

heartbound

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First, I don't think anyone should judge you based upon you wanting a D/s relationship where your Dom has a high degree of control. Your desires are not a stupid fantasy, they are simply your desires.

Be aware that fantasy and reality are two different things and you need to be able to distinguish between the two. I could certainly spend a weekend with Mistress tied up and used in any way she desires and follow every one of her commands.

And I do find that idea to be a huge turn on. However, I would not want her to dictate whether I can have contact with my family members and friends, or what kind of car I should buy.

Although you may be very turned on at the thought of complete control, you may find that the reality of that situation is not something you would enjoy. The key to being with someone (whether extreme or not) is for both of you to define the things you want/need out of the relationship and keep the doors of communication open. If you and your partner agree and are both happy with the extent of control, it is not for anyone else to say whether your extreme is bad or good.

Good luck in your search!

-heartbound

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 12:36:04 PM

AnnaOfAramis

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quote:

i mean full control over everything, over every movement, every aspect of my entire life.

Hi anna,

I am not sure from your post what you envisage when you say that. However I do consider myself as living that type of lifestyle. I am not however talking about the type of situation that lameduck talked about. I am in a 24/7 TPE relationship. What this means is that everything falls under my Master's control. That does not mean that He needs to micromanage me, nor does it mean I am kept chained up all the time. I view it more like a CEO of a corporation. He's in charge He delegates, He sets the structure, the rules etc. So, does He tell me what to cook? Not usually. Can He? Certainly. Generally the expectation is THAT I cook- the details He usually leaves up to me. He doesn't tell me how to do the laundry. He does tell me how He wants His shirts folded- He's picky about that <smiles>. There are general rules about certain things that cover most things that come up. Things like calling when I leave or arrive at a destination, certain rituals prior to entering His bed etc. Protocols for when we are mixing with vanilla folk. I could go on, but for the sake of brevity, you probably get the idea. Does He chain me, put me in bondage at times? Sure. Am I naked all the time? When I'm at home and no one but He is there, yes. But He permits me a small part time job, hobbies, relationships with my family and friends. I give Him complete power over me because He knows how to use it wisely and I trust Him to keep my well being in mind. So, yes it is very much possible, and is totally normal life for me.

Regards,

anna

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 1:14:17 PM

yesMaster247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

As to how "normal life" gets accomplished, I don't understand your question, this would mostly consist of "not normal" life, I should think, can you elaborate?

i mean like bills, my family (who does not live near by), a job things like that

thank you all for replying i am very grateful

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 1:34:15 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yesMaster247

is it a bad thing to want the extreme?
;/quote]
Ar rgis point in your post I was womdering what is meant by extreme? I knew before I read the rest that one man's extreme is another man's sloppy Joe...but I read on....

quote:

ORIGINAL: yesMaster247

i mean full control over everything, over every movement, every aspect of my entire life.

i know it is probably just some stupid fantasy so please i ask very politely please don't make fun...i m just wondering if this is normal for a sub? can it be achieved? does anyone else feel this way or have a sub/slave that feels this way.

Well at the moment it's just a fantasy for you isn't it?
I went through a phase of wanting what I imagined was fukk control. Then when I got near it I really dislikes it.. I mean it meant an end to those things in life which I had worked so hard to achieve: like financial in dependency, intellectual freedom and creative outlets. It also put an end to the little things that every day life is all about for me like how I clean, and cook, and manage my house. In fact very many aspects of the way I served are at odds with being under control.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yesMaster247

if you do how does normal life get accomplished?

Again your normal might be my fantastic... but for a while it put an end to the everyday things that I do which make life 'normal'...shopping, where and what I boiught, how I dress and wear my hair, how I feed the UM's, even the little things like when I made tea and indeed what milk I used and so on and so forth... what music I listened to, what I bought at charity shops...

I just like what I have now which is 'total' control when we are touching, playing, being erotic, indeed when we are being Master and slave. And then it's total control... I'm bound, gagged and blindfolded so yep I just have to hand it over.... now as the control is 'turned up' when we are touching so to speak, I am having to cope with a greater sense of 'drop' of 'let-down' back into what I suppose you would call everyday life. Then I have to be strong, full of fortitude and self-reliance. The more I consent to being a slave indeed the stronger and more self-reliant I have to be.

There's no escape from being 'together' within oneself. There's no masterful arms that can cradle me through the ups and downs of everyday existence. Even if He wanted me tightly corsetted and chained to the kitchen sink 24/7 I think that there would eventually simply be a heap of washing that I would have to bend over to pick up and carry as far as the washing machine....

Fantasy is great..... as long as I remain aware of the difference between fantasy and reality. I don;t do fantasies as often as I used to.......

Just an opinion.

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RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 1:36:06 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yesMaster247

i have a stupid yet silly question:

is it a bad thing to want the extreme?

i mean full control over everything, over every movement, every aspect of my entire life.

i know it is probably just some stupid fantasy so please i ask very politely please don't make fun...i m just wondering if this is normal for a sub? can it be achieved? does anyone else feel this way or have a sub/slave that feels this way.

if you do how does normal life get accomplished?

thank Y/you A/all for Y/your time

anna

I've never thought it was *bad* to want anything. It's not an uncommon fantasy ( I have it...even knowing I'd become madder than I already am)

There ARE people out there having all sorts of level of control applied to their lives in a harmonious way. I'd imagine you'd have to define a new *normal life* for yourself and work out how to.

agirl

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Post #: 19

RE: is extreme bad? - 4/1/2009 2:29:07 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yesMaster247

is it a bad thing to want the extreme?

i mean full control over everything, over every movement, every aspect of my entire life.

That's kind of a loaded question. "Bad" is irrelevant (unless you're considering options that will have hefty legal consequences).

If you're asking this question it's likely because you are second-guessing your natural tendencies/desires based on pre-set judgments of whether it's considered healthy or not and then whether you're likely to find a matching partner based on those desires.

Anything can seem "bad" or unlikely until you encounter a person who likes that about you and reciprocates with the counterpart pieces.

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Post #: 20

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