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undergroundsea -> RE: dangerous (5/7/2009 7:26:57 PM)
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This experience may or may not have been your first. However, my very first flogging occurred years ago. It was at a fetish night and it was a heavy one. While I was excited to finally have experienced it, it left me a bit disoriented and, in particular, concerned about marks visible on my neck. Like you, I was concerned about the effects of the scene beyond the scene and was thinking about how much the domme did not do her part. I used to chat at that time and logged on upon reaching home. I was a bit freaked out and likely simply needed to vent and process the experience. I was fortunate to have been in the right place at the right time. A domme in the chat room must have had some insight about my state of mind. She sent me a private message and offered to speak by phone, and helped me process the experience. I do not consider your post to be a case of kiss and tell.
Masochism delivers pleasure and does not itself rely on sensibility and self protection. Other components of self deliver the latter two. To have enjoyed a moment and then later felt odd about it is reasonable. I think it would be constructive to take away from this experience how you might achieve a better balance between masochism and other components of self for next time.
I agree with others that one owns consequences of one's actions. However, I think what happened is a shared responsibility and some responses have given it all to you.
Whether or not to drink alcohol and play is an individual choice. I do it. Most of the time my play does not involve physical SM. Not drinking leaves your faculties more alert and better equipped to serve you.
In the domme, I see good signs and not. That she regrets what she did is a good sign. What occurred puts to question her sense of responsibility as a domme, and one cannot know how genuine or, even if genuine, how reliable her promise is. I would keep each data point in mind and see what other data points suggest. If each of you has an issue with alcohol, I do not know enough about the matter to say whether continued association would make the control more difficult, or whether it could be a shared goal for which you could offer mutual support; I would defer to those with the AA program for that answer. I do not know enough about the domme to have an informed opinion. Perhaps her behavior was more out of the ordinary than not. Perhaps it is a scenario that she is able to avoid in the future, perhaps not. Perhaps her loss of control came from alcohol, or perhaps she had fallen into topspace or God-mode (a state where the top falls into a space that an outsider's intervention is needed to stop a scene). If possible, I would let her sub know you appreciate her intervention so that she does it again with you or with anyone else if it is again needed.
I wish you well.
Cheers,
Sea
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