Cheating

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Alphascendant -> Cheating (3/31/2009 10:14:25 PM)
Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years, each with her saying she never will talk to me again, except for this time, both of us have ended up in the sack with somebody else, again except for this time, as I haven't even been close to doing anybody, even myself, for two months. With myself, each time has been with somebody new. With her it has been the same guy she has known for eleven years. She says it's okay for her because it is a friend of hers but as for myself, oh filthy me for having a casual lay with somebody that I don't even know and otherwise means nothing to me. Maybe this isn't the forum to be asking this, but is there really any difference? Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with? Maybe she feels safer because it's with somebody she knows. With me, I can't have sex with anybody I love because I love her and the thought of being with anybody else makes me sick to my stomach..

Lockit -> RE: Cheating (3/31/2009 10:28:46 PM)
Cheating is cheating. Take control... you both are doing this to yourselves. If it makes you sick to your stomach.. why do it? Wait it out or take control of yourself. Or move on and actually find a healthy relationship.

NoFury -> RE: Cheating (3/31/2009 10:33:13 PM)
Wait wait wait, "Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years," (1) How many times has that been? (2) How many times is aceptable to you? (3) If you're broken up, having sex with anyone else isn't cheating.

Alphascendant -> RE: Cheating (3/31/2009 10:42:33 PM)
It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it. I am inclined to wait it out. As for giving up and seeking a healthy relationship? When we are together the sky is the limit, when we are apart... blah. Love is as love does.

Lockit -> RE: Cheating (3/31/2009 10:43:10 PM)
That isn't love.

DesFIP -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 7:31:57 AM)
If you broke up, then it isn't cheating. If you say "That's it, we are through", then she is a free agent. The fact that you don't choose to take advantage of your freedom has no bearing on her choosing to do so. Nor should she be expected to assume that when you break up yet again, that you really mean "I'm too tired to continue arguing tonight. I'll talk to you in the morning". Because if that's what you meant then you should have said that.

CruelNUnsual -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 8:26:42 AM)
Sex is sex, love is love (though its really sex). If sex with someone else is "cheating" on you then you are insecure in your relationship and worried that the next time youre cheated on you'll lose that persons love. Forced monogamy doesnt work, like any other prohibition. Work on the "sky is the limit" aspects of the relationship, recognize that sex is a biological event, not a pre-meditated insult, and enjoy what you bring to each other.

VampiresLair -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 8:31:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with? Yes, cheating is cheating no matter who it is with. However, you are broken up which means you are both free to screw anyone you would please. You cannot cheat when you are single. If she has problems with you doing what you want when you are broken up then there are 2 options. 1) Break up and keep it that way, or 2) stop brekaing up and when you arent seperated then neither of you will wander. My exhusband thought sleeping with hookers was acceptable and not cheating because it was paying for a service not pursuing a relationship. My definition is sex with someone other than me, when we are not poly, and without my consent... is cheating. The problem is... at the time you were both out having sex with others you were self declaredly single. Hence there is NO cheating. DV

popeye1250 -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 8:33:03 AM)
That's one thing I've never done. When I'm with a woman I'm with her exclusively.

Dnomyar -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 8:43:04 AM)
Send her to me. When Im thru with her I will tell you if what she does is cheating or not. What is wrong with sex on the side. Don't you get bored with the same old stuff all of the time.

aravain -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 8:46:01 AM)
~fr~ I don't understand two things. 1. How is it cheating if you're single? 2. Why the hell do you keep getting back together multiple times? I can understand giving a relationship one more shot... but several?

UncleNasty -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 9:25:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it. I am inclined to wait it out. As for giving up and seeking a healthy relationship? When we are together the sky is the limit, when we are apart... blah. Love is as love does. Different standards of acceptable behavior then. Personally I stay away from folks that expect different standards from me than they do from themselves. And I don't mean just sexual, or faithful, standards. This dynamic usually crosses into many/most/all areas. In essence it demonstrates an overinflated valuing of themselves, and an extensive devaluing of the other party. In what other ways does she/has she valued herself high above you? Uncle Nasty

Kirata -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 11:53:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it. Sounds to me like she's just got a fuck-buddy, but you going out with somebody new risks meeting someone you really connect with and ruining the game. Unh... it is a game, you know. K.

DomImus -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 4:08:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years Precisely how man times can you break up in three years?

Vendaval -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 4:27:46 PM)
Alpha, What you need to be asking yourself here is, "what is it that I need to learn from this relationship?". Learn the lesson and then move on with your life. You are stuck in a destructive, co-dependent cycle, lather, rinse, repeat. Go to the self-help section of any bookstore or Amazon and look up John Bradshaw's books.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 4:41:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alphascendant Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years, each with her saying she never will talk to me again, except for this time, both of us have ended up in the sack with somebody else, again except for this time, as I haven't even been close to doing anybody, even myself, for two months. With myself, each time has been with somebody new. With her it has been the same guy she has known for eleven years. She says it's okay for her because it is a friend of hers but as for myself, oh filthy me for having a casual lay with somebody that I don't even know and otherwise means nothing to me. Maybe this isn't the forum to be asking this, but is there really any difference? Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with? Maybe she feels safer because it's with somebody she knows. With me, I can't have sex with anybody I love because I love her and the thought of being with anybody else makes me sick to my stomach.. Bud...when did you arrive in this century? She's got the pussy. (ergo...etc.).

Lockit -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 5:12:56 PM)
[sm=jaw.gif] Bad Lookie! lol

Vendaval -> RE: Cheating (4/1/2009 7:16:19 PM)
[sm=bowdown.gif] All hail the power of the pussy!

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