How do you feel about submitting to someone younger?

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How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 9:20:25 PM

WarKirby

Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

I find myself in the odd position of having dominant desires, at a relatively young age. I am just short of 21 at present, and I find myself getting turned down repeatedly due to age. I've had a few subs in the past, and all but one were older than me.

I've gotten a few comments from much older, wiser people than myself, that I seem mature for my age. ButI find a lot of people aren't able to look past that number. Avery large portion of the submissive profiles I see here have things along the lines of "Prefer older experienced men"

I would like to ask subs here, how they feel about this. Do you feel age is important in choosing a dominant? Are you willing to submit to someone younger? how much younger is the limit?

Post #: 1

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 9:44:05 PM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

Warkirby,

I think 30 is about as far as I could reasonably go (I'm 48), but I think 35 is more realistic.

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 9:55:43 PM

LovingDom86

Posts: 27
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline

I'm not a sub, but I would like to share my two cents as a fellow Dominant who is younger in age.

Frankly, and I have no qualms with being blunt and honest about this, anyone who judges you based solely on the number of years since you were born is not anyone you would want to have much if anything to do with. There are several other threads that deal with similar issues, and the violent arguments that rage back and forth are humorous. It's the closed-mindedness of "ageists" if you will, that, in my humble opinion, give D/s and BDSM a bad name.

Of course, the general consensus is that a young Dom has no experience, either in BDSM or in life. Which is quite often not true; I speak of my own case, that my journey and decision to accept myself as a Dom is only through some very real and valuable life experience; something people twice my age have yet to go through.

It takes an awfully closed-minded individual to judge you. It takes an extremely closed-minded individual to write you off as unworthy or anything less than dignified enough to at least give you a chance because of the number that is your age.

So, don't get discouraged by ageists! Just think, they are giving you great and clear reasons that they do not deserve your time!

Keep on trucking!

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 9:57:45 PM

Vanityfull

Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline

i typically go for older people becuase i find the maturity and wisdom of age a very big turn on, mind you not alot older as i like being able to relate to them about issues of my age group, i have dated a very dominant girl a year younger than myself and it was a wonderful relationship which i do not regret at all, age is just one of those factors that people sometimes find very important as experiance typically comes with it and alot of subs want doms who know their shit and can teach them alot. its definatly not a universal thing so dont let your age get to you only some find it a very important thing. besides us young folks have our good looks to counter the someone older thing

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"give away everything, so others have nothing"

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 10:08:14 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

I met my ex when I was 41 and she was 26. Now, granted, she wasn't your average 26-year old, but still, in the years we were together there was never a single moment when age was any kind of an issue for either of us. Until I met her, I always had a rolling age range of about 5 years younger and about 10 years older than I, and never would have expected that I would feel "right" submitting so completely to someone literally young enough to be my daughter, but that turned out to be one of many ways in which she opened my eyes and taught me to see the world and myself in a completely different light. I don't know anymore what my lower age range is. It would depend on the woman.

Upper end? I guess I don't know that either. Is Lauren Bacall still alive?

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In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to Vanityfull)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 10:46:09 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

Honestly? My reaction would be "FINALLY! Someone my age!"

*sigh* It's so annoying sometimes, for me, because I really just am not interested in a relationship with someone not in my age group. I have the same aversion to older men for relationships (especially BDSM-related ones) that most seem to have for young men!

ARGH!

It makes the going tough. *shrug*

I wouldn't mind submitting to someone younger than me... then again I'm 21 now. Someone younger than me would be no younger than 18-19, so there's not much of a difference in age. I'll get back to you in 10+ years to let you know how I feel then ;P

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 10:55:19 PM

Freakgirl4

Posts: 98
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline

I am 33,and Master is a couple of years younger, but for me it has less to do with age than maturity.If I were not taken and someone ten years or so younger had that kind of maturity--I wouldn't have a problem submitting to them--however--have seen very few that young who do. *le shrugs*

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 11:18:14 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Now that would all depend on the man. With different men I have different reactions. I've met a man or two who made me want to thoroughly have my way with them, and a few who had their way with me, and just about everything in between, I suppose. But the right young man, at the right time...sure, I could see that happening.

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--nobody's resident anything.

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Post #: 8

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 11:30:18 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Hang in there. With just one exception, every sub I've ever had has been older than I am. I really haven't had trouble finding older subs who are prepared to submit to a younger dom. They're out there (and a whole lotta fun when you find them).

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

I am just short of 21 at present, and I find myself getting turned down repeatedly due to age. I've had a few subs in the past, and all but one were older than me.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 11:59:26 PM

littlekitten1

Posts: 160
Status: offline

My partner is 2 years younger than me... I submit to him.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/2/2009 11:59:52 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

i'm 25 myself. I have a hard time connecting with people my age or younger. so for me an older Dom/Master is the way to go. For me it just happens that i find myself better suited to an older man mentally and emotionally. But if that weren't the case or if i had found someone close to my age who i did connect with on a deep level then it wouldn't have mattered. age isn't an issue with me as long as teh connection is there.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 12:46:23 AM

wildangel3825

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline

I have been with men much younger(up to 11 yrs younger) ....it depends on the sub. Honestly, all my relationships with men except one have been younger than I am. For me, age is not an issue. The chemistry and connection have to be there...age doesn't determine that for me.

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 4:14:28 AM

Mikalsheart

Posts: 54
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: kentucky
Status: offline

my Master is 7 years younger then me......W/we have been together (collared & married) for 8 years now........on my birthday i did ask Him if He wanted to trade me for two 25 year olds.....LOL

(in reply to wildangel3825)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 4:58:48 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

First of all, I only date men within a 5-10 age range of myself..junior or senior so anyone I date isn't going to be extremely older or younger but I have dated doms who were 5 years my junior and it worked because he has life experiences and was mature....aka..he didn't act like a little boy.

It's not the bdsm experience that matters to me. It's what you've done with your life, regardless of age.

(in reply to Mikalsheart)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 4:58:56 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

For bedroom only submission it is relatively unimportant. For other parts of life, it can be important.
Could you make an informed decision of what new car to buy when you've only owned cars costing less than $1,000? Are you capable of reading the fine print on loan agreements to decide if the car company financing is better than the banks?

With age comes a certain amount of experience. I've bought cars, bought homes, built homes, etc. I would have a great deal of difficulty even listening to advice from someone who hasn't had any of this experience, let alone allowing him to make such a decision.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Mikalsheart)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 5:07:01 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Okay, i had several opinions about this topic when i started into this whole mess, and so far, im still right...for me.

If you have a stable life, and a stable personality and have some real life experiences to draw from that can be evidenced by action, not just conversation...then you will eventually find someone who isnt going to discount everything you say due to your age.

my experience in life is such that a man with no children/and or no life experience in hardship, adversity yadayada...isnt going to appeal to me. i have had some knocks and need my leader to know what its like to work thru something.

He also needs to have similar goals to mine and similar work ethic and similar independent streak...lots of things...things that a person just starting out in life cant give me. That i have found thusfar...

ive played with younger men than i would ever consider for a long term relationship...theres something to be said for energy...but im on a journey...they were respite from that. Gratefully accepted and cherished in their own right, but a respite none the less.

YMMV, this is just my perspective

Be Well

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 8:05:51 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Sometimes the age gap can make a lot of difference. I'm almost 50 and it would be difficult for me to submit to someone almost 30 years younger. 10 years younger and I could do it, but when it comes to the point of someone being young enough to be my child it would be hard.

Coming here and making sound posts is a good way to start. If people can see by what you write that you show a maturity then they will stop looking so much at the age. If you can develop a true empathy for the subs that is another bonus. It is easy to see things from your own side, but imagine the range of emotions that they might have if given a command. Start with something as simple as reactions to, "On your knees, bitch!". Some subs would want to cry because they know they are not a bitch while others would get off on the humiliation. Some would want to ask if you wanted eye contact once they were kneeling or whether their head should be bowed. Some would automatically drop but be resentful.

Talk with subs about the things that hurt their feelings the most while serving. I'll guarantee you, some of the answers will surprise you. Ask them their favorite moments, and no doubt there will be surprises there, too. You will learn far more by talking with subs about these things than asking another Dom what works best for them. Remember that each sub is an individual and needs to be treated as such, not just a warm body that can be forced into a mold.

You can't hasten your chronological age but you can build upon your maturity. Never hesitate, as you are growing, to as the whys: Why do you feel that way? If I do X, why do you respond that way? (Whether good or bad.) Why do you believe you are a sub/slave? etc.

_____________________________

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 9:07:54 AM

DearJessicaD

Posts: 55
Joined: 10/26/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

I couldn't do it. The men I've been with have both had five years or more on me.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 9:39:37 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

The youngest i would go would be 30 the oldest not more then 65 (unless i was already with that person). I have always liked men quite a bit older than myself . My Master is 19 years okder then me. Some people might say you are so far in age what do you talk about? We talk about everything under the sun and we are great together. If i was gonna play, age would not be a factor for me. To submit though if i was looking the guy would have to be 30 or above. That is just my personal preference.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DearJessicaD)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you feel about submitting to someone younger? - 4/3/2009 10:40:32 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

I would like to ask subs here, how they feel about this. Do you feel age is important in choosing a dominant? Are you willing to submit to someone younger? how much younger is the limit?

I'm 44 and prefer someone within a couple of years of my own age, or somewhat older. I did have one relationship with a guy about 8 yrs younger than myself and it was quite a disaster, but it had nothing to do with the age difference, therefore, I will and do keep an open mind about becoming involved again with a younger man. There are a couple of thirty something men that I could see myself in submission to, but I wouldn't go any younger than someone in their early thirties. But if I were in my late twenties, or early thirties even, I wouldn't rule out a 21 year old necessarily.

You said you were running into a lot of problems with seeking an older female. I don't know what you're considering older....28? 38? 48? At any rate, whatever age you are looking for, no matter what adversity you have met in the past, I wouldn't mention it, or talk about it if I didn't have to. If it's an issue of sorts for you, and you see it and treat it as a stumbling block, it's going to become an issue for anyone you talk to.

Your age is listed in your profile, so just forget about it and talk to women who interest you as if there was no obstacle. If they're turned off when they notice your age, then move on, but don't voluntarily put it on the table as a problem, like an STD or something.

(in reply to WarKirby)

Post #: 20

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