RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (Full Version)

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kidwithknife -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/3/2009 9:20:18 PM)

To start, I really don't think that sending you "not interested" or "I'm not into men" mails in response is in anyway nasty, although the latter may well be misinterpeting your intentions.  They're just being straightforward.  Get over it.

To be honest with you, I'm generally happy to chat to anybody I think I might get on with as a friend, regardless of sexual or romantic compatibility.  But I almost certainly wouldn't reply to you.  I don't mean that in a nasty way, it's just that your profile isn't particuarly well set up for making friends.

It's good that you list friends as one of the things you're looking for.  (I think it probably makes sense to only mail those who also have it listed, as they're going to be more open to approachs for friendship).  But the rest of your profile does give off the impression that you're only interested in a relationship.

Pretty much all the main part of your profile says is that you're looking for dominant males.  And that you want to start with online and see where it goes.  That does come across to me as if you're only interested in those with romantic potential.  If that wasn't the case, why would it matter if someone is a dom male or not?

And that's all there is in the text.  From it, I only know what you're looking for, and that vaguely.  It tells me nothing about who you are as a person. whichi is what I'm interested in if I'm going to chat to someone.

It's the same with your list of interests.  You haven't got a single non BDSM related interest listed.  Again, that isn't a good thing if you want to make friends.  If I'm not romantically compatible with someone, I'm unlikely to care what their kinks are.  I'm far more interested in what their hobbies are, so I know whether we have anything in common or not.



DomImus -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/4/2009 7:07:35 AM)

On another website/forum similar to this I have a fuller profile that indicates I am part of a male dom / female submissive couple and that we occasionally include other females (dom or submissive) in our activities. Maybe 3 of the 5 male submissive who have written to "chat" with me ultimately were vying to join us even though I clearly outlined that such was not an option in my profile. After I made that clear again in private correspondence... poof! They were gone. The other two seemed to chat long enough to give me the opportunity to invite them in and when I did not they disappeared for no reason, as well. I still don't wave anyone off who wants to chat but I am always a bit leery of the motives of a male submissive who writes to me.



kiyari -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/5/2009 7:47:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submisive11

is it me or the nature of dom masters?

i just wanted to know why sometimes i just wanted to be friendly and say hello in a very nice way to doms,
i get a horible reply saying "sorry im not into male" or " not interested" or something similar,
why they think iam after their d***ks.

anyone can answer me?


They replied with honest answers. "Horrible"? Not from what you have posted.

Would you rather they had ignored you?

Did you read their Profiles first, and see that they were open to "friends"?

You were given courtesy that they even responded, IMO.



Gage46Bstn -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/5/2009 2:12:18 PM)

I think delete and block if your best choice. I wouldn't give up on "us" as a community. I have written straight guys and women to ask or answer a question or just to tell them how much I liked their post.  There are lots of very cool bright folks here. I wouldn't give up corresponding or posting because of the occasional fool



DesFIP -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/5/2009 2:38:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gage46Bstn
I have written straight guys and women to ask or answer a question or just to tell them how much I liked their post. 


Something that came out of the forums and you took to cmail will get a nice response.

Form letter "Hi, I think we have a lot in common" without reading their profiles won't.

Want to bet which kind the op has been writing?



LordShadow -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/6/2009 12:38:39 PM)

greetings,

then be friendly boy. If they don't talk to you then they aren't worth your time are they?




IronBear -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (4/6/2009 1:44:16 PM)

I've delayed replying to this thread as others have quite eloquently written about the situation and no more so than LordShadow with I whole heartedly agree.

I often get the "Hi Sir.." type messages and whilst mostly I will respond, I do at times do a quick read whilst waiting for another program to respond and forget to go back to reply. The messages I do find annoying are those where the sender states they have read my profile and will get to know me so they can serve me in all ways type of thing. Had they read my profile they would know I have set stringent requirements to be met before I will entertain opening any dialogue regarding a possible collar (Like living close to me and that I live in Australia). many of these messages orinate from Ghana and thus are immediatly blocked and deleted. Havibng said this, If some one takes the time to write a note saying Hi or commenting about one of my posts here, it is just good manners to respond pleasantly isn't it?



Gage46Bstn -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:02:11 PM)

The hell with them. Not someone you would want to chat with. As a gay man and a Dom I participate in these message boards to talk to people, see what others think and are talking about.
I have a profile here that is to let guys know something of who I am and what I'm looking for.
This is a good place to talk - say what you like and just have to deal with the obvious; that in a public forum there are always going to be folks that you can thank god are not part of your life. I think it's worth putting in the time to write a note and risk the off chance that I have totally misjudged his or her writing and they are not people I want to deal with at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submisive11

is it me or the nature of dom masters? i just wanted to know why sometimes i just wanted to be friendly and say hello in a very nice way to doms, i get a horible reply saying "sorry im not into male" or " not interested" or something similar, why they think iam after their d***ks. anyone can answer me?



LadyPact -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:22:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gage46Bstn

The hell with them. Not someone you would want to chat with. As a gay man and a Dom I participate in these message boards to talk to people, see what others think and are talking about.
I have a profile here that is to let guys know something of who I am and what I'm looking for.
This is a good place to talk - say what you like and just have to deal with the obvious; that in a public forum there are always going to be folks that you can thank god are not part of your life. I think it's worth putting in the time to write a note and risk the off chance that I have totally misjudged his or her writing and they are not people I want to deal with at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submisive11

is it me or the nature of dom masters? i just wanted to know why sometimes i just wanted to be friendly and say hello in a very nice way to doms, i get a horible reply saying "sorry im not into male" or " not interested" or something similar, why they think iam after their d***ks. anyone can answer me?



And in that 'participation' you found a need to call up a thread that was eight months old?



AnimusRex -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:24:15 PM)

We can't comprehend anyone wanting us for anything other than our dicks.


P.S. Not that there's anything wrong with that.



Venatrix -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:27:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

*Giggles cause she sent Steven a "Hi, How's it going" cmail after reading his post* [:D]


It doesn't count when you have a well upholstered balcony.



WyldHrt -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:37:30 PM)

quote:

It doesn't count when you have a well upholstered balcony.

I have NO idea what you mean, Venatrix! [sm=flash.gif]



LadyPact -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 7:44:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

We can't comprehend anyone wanting us for anything other than our dicks.


P.S. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


OK.  That was just funny.



Valyraen -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 8:10:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submisive11

is it me or the nature of dom masters? i just wanted to know why sometimes i just wanted to be friendly and say hello in a very nice way to doms, i get a horible reply saying "sorry im not into male" or " not interested" or something similar, why they think iam after their d***ks. anyone can answer me?


Not being part of the Borg, I can't presume to know the minds of other male dominants (and, upon consideration, am not sure that I'd want to...), but I can reply for my own self.

I seem to be fortunate to escape most of the spam mail on the CM side, so I don't have the experiences of all and sundry trying the shotgun approach with me. That said... if the entirety of someone's first writing to me is "Hi, how are you doing?", I've got no real incentive or reason to reply to that with anything more than an equally useless response. Call it the English major in me, but I've got a real pet peeve about words that just take up space.

Now, if someone approaches me with an intelligent, thoughtful comment or inquiry, I'm more than happy to hold a conversation until the other party can't keep their end up.



WyldHrt -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 8:16:08 PM)

quote:

I'm more than happy to hold a conversation until the other party can't keep their end up.

Speaking as an s-type, keeping your end up around this place can be dangerous [;)]



Justme696 -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/11/2009 10:55:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: submisive11

is it me or the nature of dom masters? i just wanted to know why sometimes i just wanted to be friendly and say hello in a very nice way to doms, i get a horible reply saying "sorry im not into male" or " not interested" or something similar, why they think iam after their d***ks. anyone can answer me?



I get once a week or so compliments from bisexual or gay males. I don't mind it and thank them. I appreciate them as much as females.
But I am sure many males don't want a male to contact them because some think a hello means..I shove my c*ck up your ass.
There is no danger is a may friend, but many people are not here for talking...but for sex. That is where the connection comes from.




Rednekcol -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/12/2009 2:20:04 AM)

Well, while I don't receive a lot of mail from male submissives, it does happen on occasion.  It often is very direct that it is looking for more than friends.  I don't mind friendship with gay people, but I am also, very obviously, not gay or bisexual.  I also believe I usually will give others the benefit of the doubt when it comes to my view of their motives, if I am suspicious but lack convincing evidence.  So, if a submissive male I didn't know contacted me, this is probably the process I would go through:

1) I would probably open every other piece of mail first.  Okay, no, I don't get much, and I certainly don't get enough to justify skipping people.

2) I open and start to read the mail.  In the case of a single line, it happens pretty much instantaneously.  I probably haven't even had time to coherently think about the mail before I close it.  Unless there is something compelling about that one line, I may not think anything more about it.  It isn't that I want to be rude, but I tend to be a multitasker.  I usually have lots going on when I am in front of my computer, and if you don't give me reason to want to converse with you, it won't go any further.  In all honesty, you would be lucky to get the "sorry, not interested" from me.  Perhaps that is impolite; if so, I will just hope for forgiveness and understanding.

Now, if you really want to talk with me for some reason, start talking to me.  You don't have to have a specific reason you picked me, though if you don't know where else to start, that is at least something.  Ask a question, make an assertion, state an opinion, formulate a thought.  I tend to be a curious person, and it doesn't matter what about.  I love to teach, so if you ask a well-constructed question, you probably will get an answer.  Appeal to something in me to make me want to respond.

I realize this is tough.  We all go through it.  What do you write someone you don't know, in order to spark a conversation.  It is just part of the internet.

I suppose the answer, then, to your question "Is it me?" would have to be yes, at least mostly.  Hopefully, this will help you get better responses from others.  It would from me, I think.



WyldHrt -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/12/2009 2:31:15 AM)

quote:

1) I would probably open every other piece of male first.

Sorry, I know it was a probably a typo, and don't mean to pick nits.... but *SNORT* [:D]



Rednekcol -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/12/2009 2:35:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

1) I would probably open every other piece of male first.

Sorry, I know it was a probably a typo, and don't mean to pick nits.... but *SNORT* [:D]



Haha, quite right.  Too many mails and males all together, and my fingers just get confused.  The perfectionist in me will edit it, even though these posts will clearly indicate the original!

Edit: Of course, at the same time, I am also typing an email about to a business partner about shipping alternatives for one of our products.  I will have to go double check that one as well!



WyldHrt -> RE: what does it cost to be friendly? (12/12/2009 2:49:16 AM)

quote:

Edit: Of course, at the same time, I am also typing an email about to a business partner about shipping alternatives for one of our products.  I will have to go double check that one as well!

Just be sure you didn't sign it "Rednekcol". Such errors have happened to others... so I hear [:D]



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