Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

One special sub or many?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> One special sub or many? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 10:30:11 AM   
seekingdiscovery


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/22/2008
Status: offline 		My Mistress has convinced me over several months to suck cock and allow men to penetrate me. This has not happened yet. I was under the belief that I would become her special person in this regard. She now indicates that she wants many subs that will do this for her. I want to do this as I want to please her endlessly. However, I feel sad that she would want to have many others that will do this and not rely on me to be her special sub in this way. I know it sounds selfish of me, so I am confused. What do you think?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 10:43:11 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		What is the issue here? The idea of that activity not being special for you two or the idea of you not being 'special' at all. To be honest I dont think that having more than one partner means that either are any less 'special' than anyone else.



_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 10:46:07 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think that you maybe with the wrong Mistress. It sounds to me that you seek a relationship where you will be her main sub and not just one of a harem of them. You could try it and see how it works out but I have the feeling that you may not be happy with the situation.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 12:17:17 PM   
seekingdiscovery


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/22/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you colouredin and Lashra for your thoughtful responses. I agree with you colouredin on some level but, consistent with Lashra 's point, it maybe specific to each relationship. The question may revolve around whether subs that give deeply of themselves have the right to ask to be special in the eyes of their Mistresses? Is asking for exclusivity in one area a reasonable request for a sub to make of his Mistress?

(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 12:24:21 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		there is no right or wrong, you have to be happy in your relationship and therefore you set your own parameters for what is or isnt acceptable.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 12:53:38 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Ms. mlicious enjoys having boys on thee side, but she tells me that I am special to her. She loves me.  She only plays with them.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:02:26 PM   
DomineK


Posts: 18
Joined: 4/4/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think you can force being "special" based on doing certain physical acts.  In mind, if she has an emotional connection with you above others, you're special.  Maybe you should ask her and tell her that you'd like to be her alpha boy and favored above others?

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:06:31 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Not only can you not force being special to someone, you can't beg it or buy it with goodness or anything else.  If you wish to be special to someone, then you need to find someone who wants you to be special and doesn't lead you to believe you will be to get you into position and then lets you know one way or another, that you are just one of many.

You must consider what you want and desire out of a relationship and be fulfilled too or it won't work out very well.  Your wants and desires count too!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to DomineK)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:25:56 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		As Lockit says, your wants and desires count too.  So, you need to assert them.  I don't mean blast them out at her - I mean, simply make her aware of them.  You're right that you're being selfish, by the way.  Necessarily selfish, though. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:51:22 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My sub is special to me in that I chose him and I love him with all my being. No one could ever hope to take his place. He does so much for me and I don't really need anyone else. Sure it would be nice occasionally to play with another sub of either gender, but he is MINE and he knows that.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:57:40 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingdiscovery

Thank you colouredin and Lashra for your thoughtful responses. I agree with you colouredin on some level but, consistent with Lashra 's point, it maybe specific to each relationship. The question may revolve around whether subs that give deeply of themselves have the right to ask to be special in the eyes of their Mistresses? Is asking for exclusivity in one area a reasonable request for a sub to make of his Mistress?


Of course it is a reasonable request.

However it is only a request. If you and she are not compatible in this way then you may also need to exercise another reasonable and action and leave that relationship.

People do change over time but we don't always change in ways that continues our compatibility. When that happens you may need to rethink the relationship.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:57:51 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Relational construct is one of those really important things to talk about.  I think that for most folks, knowing if you're stepping into a harem or a mono-situation is a pretty big detail.  Talk with her.  And, don't compromise beyond what you, yourself, can live with. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 1:58:45 PM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline 		i agree w/ Lockit...

ultimately u have to decide what is right for you and express this to you Mistress...otherwise she will not know what u r thinking or feeling. if what she has established in her household wont work for u, then u should part ways.

happiness shouldn't be deferred...


_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...
... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 2:03:23 PM   
VelvetCruelty


Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Relational construct is one of those really important things to talk about.  I think that for most folks, knowing if you're stepping into a harem or a mono-situation is a pretty big detail.  Talk with her.  And, don't compromise beyond what you, yourself, can live with. 
Davan


  well said!

_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 2:10:33 PM   
Kaiel


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		when I met My current sub/husband I had another f/t slave(live-in)  and p/t female sub... he knew that I was not looking to only have one sub... however, after sometime he became all I wanted and eventually, My husband. However, My desire to have another is back, but their role in our life will be very specific... and communication between Me and My primary sub is very open and honest about My desires, I would never risk hurting him. Luckily, he came into My life knowing I was poly, so it's not a shocker.

I say speak with your Domme, express your concerns and fears... hopefully she can validate your feelings, but remember you are responsible for your own personal happiness, never sacrifice that! Good luck!


_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to MsDDom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/6/2009 6:39:48 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Specialness lies in your specific dynamic, not in the number of relationships or the acts you do together. That being said, when all is said and done, what matters is if it is a situation you feel comfortable and fulfilled in. At this point, it doesn't sound like you are.

lovingpet

(in reply to Kaiel)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/7/2009 9:31:21 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Perhaps you can see your specialness in some other way.  I know that I have a few things reserved only for me, and those feel special, but I did not ask for them.

Maybe you can approach her and let her know that you would enjoy it very much if there was some task that could be reserved only for you because it makes you feel special.  That gives her the option of selecting one, though it might end up being something like cleaning the toilet so be prepared.  Remember that there is always a balance between her pleasure and your fulfillment.  If you can feel fulfilled knowing that the toilet is your job and yours alone then you are both ahead.  (Spoken by one who is the sole toilet cleaner.)  : )


_____________________________



(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/8/2009 1:23:13 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Perhaps a thread for the subs...One special Domme or many?.......

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/8/2009 1:31:42 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingdiscovery

My Mistress has convinced me over several months to suck cock and allow men to penetrate me. This has not happened yet. I was under the belief that I would become her special person in this regard. She now indicates that she wants many subs that will do this for her. I want to do this as I want to please her endlessly. However, I feel sad that she would want to have many others that will do this and not rely on me to be her special sub in this way. I know it sounds selfish of me, so I am confused. What do you think?


There is nothing wrong with wanting to be her only one.  Submissives have needs, too.  If you want to be her only one and she wants a stable, then you have some soul searching to do.  Personally, I couldn't belong to someone who wanted a stable.  I'm blessed to be with a domme who believes in monogamy.  I get to be her one and only.  If you really want to belong to your mistress, knowing full well you will not be her one and only, then suck it up and do as she says.  Do you make her happy, even though it makes you miserable?  Even as a sub/slave, you have the right to be happy, too.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to seekingdiscovery)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: One special sub or many? - 4/9/2009 12:21:36 AM   
LAgirlsub


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

Perhaps a thread for the subs...One special Domme or many?.......


You know that might be a good thread....I'd like to know...How do the doms feel about a sub who isn't exclusively yours?

(in reply to slvemike4u)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> One special sub or many? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125