attention seeking whores (Full Version)

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InTonguesslave -> attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 12:02:14 PM)

i need to word this carefully... lol [:)]

is there something about us subs and slaves that crave attention.  is part of what we do and who we are about the need for that intense attention only our dominant partners give us.

for myself, in general i am not an attention seeker atall.  i like it when men notice me, i like it when im paid a compliment, i like being chatted up.  but i would never say that i seek to be the center of anyones attention, infact more often than not i can quickly feel uncomfortable if focus is put on me too much, like at a party or amongst friends in a general conversation.  i will always push the attention away from myself as quickly as possible.

but with Sir i can be the center of his attention all day and all night and i love it.  i want it and i need it and its never enough.

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.

ive read enough from other subs and slaves to know that often what i feel is echoed by others, so what is this contradiction.

is it because our dominant chooses to focus on us, that we have no choice in the matter and so we can relax and not worry.

or is it that we are closet attention seeking whores [:)] and only our D's know how to tap into that.

much of what we do is all about us.  the focus is on us pretty much the whole time.  yes theyre getting their jollies by doing what they want to do to us but is it part of our submission that we crave that attention.  is it because we have no choice that we can relax from our anxiety of being the center of someones attention and finally, atlast, actually allow ourselves to enjoy something we deep down crave even when theyre doing something that hurts like hell and we'd rather they didnt.



xxblushesxx -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 12:28:50 PM)

I've always basked in attention.
Well...after I got past my painfully shy childhood and got involved in theatre.
Put the spotlight on me and watch me go!



colouredin -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 12:46:21 PM)

The other day I got called sexually selfish because whenever I talk about sex I talk about people doing things to me, I dont think thats sexually selfish I just think its part of the subbyness. So it depends what you mean, I find 'playing' quite a complex thing I feel simultaniously the 'centre of attention' but also as though I am completely concerened about the Dominants state of mind. It isnt that simple.

I think we can all be attention whores from time to time, I think everyone enjoys it in some situations but not ness all. I can be shy but I can also want the whole room to notice my choice of dress. Its ace to be contrary



InTonguesslave -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 1:20:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

The other day I got called sexually selfish because whenever I talk about sex I talk about people doing things to me, I dont think thats sexually selfish I just think its part of the subbyness. So it depends what you mean, I find 'playing' quite a complex thing I feel simultaniously the 'centre of attention' but also as though I am completely concerened about the Dominants state of mind. It isnt that simple.

I think we can all be attention whores from time to time, I think everyone enjoys it in some situations but not ness all. I can be shy but I can also want the whole room to notice my choice of dress. Its ace to be contrary


well hello there! - havent seen you for a time. [:)]

i suppose at the time i dont actually feel the center of attention, interesting point, its only afterwards, well after this weekend when his focus was so very much on me that i reflected back on it and realised how much i benefitted from it and realised how different that feeling is for me.

interesting point in that yes, youre right, in the moment youre attention is focused on them and of course what theyre doing  and not on youreself other than being the focus of their attention.

but it wasnt just in play that i meant. 



fantasy69maker -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 1:33:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

i need to word this carefully... lol [:)]

is there something about us subs and slaves that crave attention.  is part of what we do and who we are about the need for that intense attention only our dominant partners give us.

for myself, in general i am not an attention seeker atall.  i like it when men notice me, i like it when im paid a compliment, i like being chatted up.  but i would never say that i seek to be the center of anyones attention, infact more often than not i can quickly feel uncomfortable if focus is put on me too much, like at a party or amongst friends in a general conversation.  i will always push the attention away from myself as quickly as possible.

but with Sir i can be the center of his attention all day and all night and i love it.  i want it and i need it and its never enough.

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.

ive read enough from other subs and slaves to know that often what i feel is echoed by others, so what is this contradiction.

is it because our dominant chooses to focus on us, that we have no choice in the matter and so we can relax and not worry.

or is it that we are closet attention seeking whores [:)] and only our D's know how to tap into that.

much of what we do is all about us.  the focus is on us pretty much the whole time.  yes theyre getting their jollies by doing what they want to do to us but is it part of our submission that we crave that attention.  is it because we have no choice that we can relax from our anxiety of being the center of someones attention and finally, atlast, actually allow ourselves to enjoy something we deep down crave even when theyre doing something that hurts like hell and we'd rather they didnt.




The  key here is trust.,while you seek attention  you dont want unpleasant attention. You trust your Dom to be pleased with you.Its a great confiedence maker.
Sorta like walking out on stage in front of your family to get your diploma,You KNOW they will be happy so its easier.
On the other hand you dont wanna be the representitive speaker from big oil at a sierra club  meeting.



RCdc -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 1:36:13 PM)

BDSM is intrinsically selfish.  I would suggest that it isn't just your dominant you seek attention from - by the posts you make here.  So I don't see a contradiction, I do however see denial.
 
Me, I am all for attention.  But I only whore to Darcy.[;)]
 
the.dark.



Lashra -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 1:56:32 PM)

My sub is an attention whore, he loves to be my center of attention as long as its positive attention. He doesn't like my attention when he has done something wrong and I make him do research and write essays on different topics.[;)]

We have discussed this and besides being an attention whore he is also a bit of a exhibitionist. He would love nothing more than to be watched while we play together. He says the humiliation would be delicious. I'm still thinking that one over.

My sub isn't a whore as he doesn't charge me for his services[;)] but he most certainly is my slut.

~Lashra



LaTigresse -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 2:06:41 PM)

I think A LOT of people are attention whores. Most people will deny it.

The problem with being an attention whore, as I see it, is when it creates problems. Either personally in a relationship, or just individually. Or, when it creates drama, usually negative, usually attracting other attention whores that also like to create drama. Often times these people are seen as needy also. They also have a tendency to spread their personal life and drama out for public consumption, creating more problems/attention for themself.

It's often painful to watch, especially in adults.

I see this behaviour as insecurity, needing acceptance, always looking for someone to agree with them, feel sorry for them, whatever.

To me, it's very unattractive and something I avoid. Which might be why I have few relationships.



cpK69 -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 2:22:28 PM)

I believe it has more to do with where my attention is, than whose is on me. When I am with Sir, I do not think about him looking at me; I think of him looking at me.
Kim

p.s I posted before peeking; I like to compare.



pinkwind -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 2:44:21 PM)

i don't think it's a matter of proclivities rather than a general character trait of some human beings that marks them as attention seeking, drama whores.

Some people cannot exist, let alone find happiness, unless they are at the centre of everything, even if that means in a negative way. Almost like the only bad publicity being no publicity at all.

Some of the biggest, most profligate, drama whores have been folk with little or no self esteem, very shallow folk with a short attention span, and no reticence about who they drag into their dramas or the consequences of them on anyone, let alone themselves. The more run of the mill drama or attention whores, i see little difference, have certain similar traits, but are better able to function and do less damage in the long run.

That certain Dominants pander to the highly strung means that we see proportionally more because we are focused on this end of the relationship spectrum, but trust me, life is full of attention whores, some no better than legends in their own lunchtimes, and most with emotional issues that might have been addressed if they had not been so wrapped up in their own dramas.




serisa -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 2:44:51 PM)

i can totally relate to this.  in life generally i never seek to be the centre of attention - in life i am pretty shy & reserved.  But with Dominant i always crave to be the center of 'His' attention'.  i feed off it



littleone35 -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 2:54:59 PM)

When i was younger i always wanted to be the center of attention  comes from being the youngest in a family of 5 chldren. Now i hate to be the center of attention i avoid it whenever possible.  When i had to give an oral presentation in college i felt like i ws gonna be sick , that i s how much i hate being the center of attntion

Expect when it comes to Master i love and crave to be the center of his attention.  He  and i always call me a greedy sub  because i want all hs spare time and attention.  He loves to give me his attentoon so it is all good.

Matt's littleone



InTonguesslut -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 4:22:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

BDSM is intrinsically selfish.  I would suggest that it isn't just your dominant you seek attention from - by the posts you make here.  So I don't see a contradiction, I do however see denial.
 
Me, I am all for attention.  But I only whore to Darcy.[;)]
 
the.dark.

 
 
I might well be speaking out of place or turn here but, hell it's never stopped me before so here goes. Yes BDSM can be intrinsically selfish but it can also be intrinsically selfless too. Not all the time but many times out of ten.
I'm biased and i know it but i don't see intonguesslaves posts here as attention seeking at all. I see someone questing for more knowledge as she gets deeper and more into quite an intense (compared to prior) M/s relationship.
I speak with intonguesslave every single day and i share a master with her. We have had our ups and downs in the relationship so far, some to my fault, some hers and some Sirs but i have never ever experienced her attention seeking in any shape or form. In fact she is far more likely to push Sir to lavish attention on me than herself.



agirl -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 5:06:22 PM)

There will never be enough of M for my liking. Not because I'm a slave/sub at all..........nothing to do with D/s but the fact that he's most fascinating , fun,* in tune with me* person I've ever been lucky enough to spend time with. Of course I want and adore his attention.......but I've never had to *seek* it , it's always been given in abundance. He gets all mine too. We just LIKE each other.

I like attention elsewhere as much as anyone. It's nice to have people interested in you but I'm not interested in the level of attention that I get from M......because I'M not as interested in other people as I am in him. It's that simple really.

agirl



lovingpet -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 5:15:51 PM)

I, too, don't find it to be a bdsm thing. It is a relationship thing. I want as much time and attention both from and for someone I care about.

The dissonance between these relationships and my public life is that I know and want to be close with certain people while I am not close enough with others to know or care where I stand with them. Their compliments and criticisms mean very little to me because I don't know the spirit of the one giving them. I care very much what loved ones think of me because I want to be my best for them.

lovingpet



kuriouswitch -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 5:22:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.



I know exactly what you mean, I've had full blown panic attacks at parties when friends tried to drag me out of the corner to go dance, teachers who had me for the full nine months of the school year never remembered my name (which was fine by me) and even at work I have customers who come in when they know I'll be there specifically and will bring me small gifts as thanks which i'm thankful for but i feel guilty too because i was just doing my job the best i can.

but with Master I find I actually get cranky if I think he didn't spend enough time with me that night lol (not exactly slave like behaviour but oh well) but I crave his attention, even when it's something I don't like doing, such as reminding me of my bedtime routine, I  like that he's taken the time to remind me even if i did wish at the time he'd just forget the whole thing,  especially the sleeping part. But i like that he's chosen me to be the one who gets his "special" attention and the fact that he takes the time out of his day to worry about me or to remember something that he knows i need to do but knows i'll forget so reminds me.



crazyredhead1957 -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 5:31:53 PM)

i like to focus on what Sir wants and what pleases Him because i love to see Him happy, but, yes, any attention He gives me i just suck it up and shamelessly revel in it.  [:D]  Sometimes i feel guilty because i love it so much.  Does that make me an attention-seeking whore? 



DesFIP -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 6:01:09 PM)

The difference is in the quality of the attention. If at a party, the other person is checking out my tits, checking out the blond across the room, listening with one ear till it's his or her turn to speak.

But The Man focuses intensely on me. He listens attentively, he sees my physical reactions and notes that. He can tell if I'm uncomfortable or scared, and he zeroes in on that and brings it up for discussion.

It's the difference from someone saying "Nice to see you, how have you been" and "Please don't cover up, I can tell something's wrong. Talk to me". With the first, you know they aren't interested in hearing your woes. With the second, he is. And he's the only one who is.



DavanKael -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 6:58:13 PM)

At its best, I like to think there is a mutuality. 
  Davan



NINacide -> RE: attention seeking whores (4/6/2009 7:29:52 PM)

I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe he loves you.



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