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captnswench -> submissive mode (4/6/2009 6:34:07 PM)
Hello fellow subs and Dom/mes, Last night, my Master and I were roleplaying a tiny scene that invovled me burning all of his implements and feeling horribly guilty, and talk of sleeping in the cage that night was mentioned, and he said such domly things such as 'yes thats your proper place, where you belong, beneath me, in submission, contained so as to not cause more trouble' and somehow, even though it might've lasted 5 minutes..I was gone down descending into deep intense submissive mode. It happens far too easily to me and far too often. Oh and not to mention Master is a switch, so he's not in domly mode 24/7.. But then again, any ordinary man [or female] would not be in dom[me] mode 24/7 either, as i am not in sub mode 24/7. So yeah. Last night he couldnt maintain it. And to be honest, that was fine. Well, fine with the exception of the fact that i was deep within sub mode and needed something to help me feel wanted and loved and like a treasured lil plaything. However, he did none of these things. Didn't even pretend to be interested. At one point i mentioned, tactlessly, that i was feeling the way my [cruel and abuse] ex made me feel when he left.. That horrid subdrop. Of course, Master took major offense to me even remotely comparing him to the ex. [After all it was to His arms i ran to when i was stood up on my bday with no msg no pigeon carrier etc] So even though that should have caused him to be worried.. He treated it like no big deal. Just another day in the life sorta thing.. Which granted, IS sorta true. But that does NOT make it any less intense or emotionally wrenching. At one point, he just up and stopped talkin to me, later on I discovered he was talkin to other friends.. Naturally this pissed me off, but wil lnot get into that here. Not the place. But anyways.. So I ended up calling a friend, who is in the lifestyle thankfully and had said he knew a sub who had that happen, and it had even happened in his presence. I asked him what he did? He said anything he wnted. Thats what i was craving. Thats what i need. At one point. Well we were talkin on AIM, with my webcam was up and i was naked, but for the most part there was a blanket keeping me decent. However at one point, i grasped a hold of my hands behind my back, offering my body to him, begging for him to use it... Then, angry with myeslf, i tried bending my knees up to hide my 36D tits from His view and to try to make my submissive mode tame down... It was no use. Actually the thought of how maybe I shouldn't be attempting to tinker with mother nature [being the submissive mode] and just ride it out and let it run its course naturally.. I even shared this thought with Master.. it was then that he sorta drifted off and got preoccupied with other things. My firend who i had called said it was a rather rare thing, and that i was a special submissive to experience it.. But damn i didnt want to be special then and there! So back to master... I mean... I know it happens more than it should.. However, HE knows every thought and every mode that I experience before I even realize that my mood altered in the slightest.. So why can't He be attentive to me when my feelings are on tenderhooks and I'm all emotionally wrought in my intense submissive mode? When I need him.. When I'd obey every word he says without him needing to use his arsenal of tricks. When I can't say no. TO anything. It's scary and fearful and I easily can go from that sorta high to the lowest of lows with one wrong move from the top in question. So my question to all Y/ya'll i sthus.. Have any of you subs ever experienced this? Any Dom/mes been around a sub when it was happening? What instigated it? Could you stop it midway? If so, how? And how was the success rate? Any advice you could give to me on this subject would be greatly appreciated! Oh and two more things.. I have come to realize [only last night mind you] that the reason why written text has so much affect on me, is cause I am a writer at heart and a bookworm. Master is a music guy, so he doesnt get it of course. And also, my sub modes last hours... Have yet been able to stop it earlier.. This one last night lasted about two hours or so..

DavanKael -> RE: submissive mode (4/6/2009 7:06:41 PM)
After looking at this, I saw some passive aggression, what I perceive as topping from the bottom, some lack of attunement in the situation, and some ramped up emotionality that seems rather out of place. I suppose I am left wondering if you've thought about counseling to assist you with locating some sort of a middle path as I don't perceive this as being sub space so much as attention-seeking. Best wishes, Davan

captnswench -> RE: submissive mode (4/6/2009 7:24:14 PM)
Hmm either you must be out of your mind or I didnt describe it well enough... Submissive mode to me is where I don't brat, I obey and am the perfect submissive, and cannot say no even if it may hurt. None of these things scream 'attenion whore' or 'needs counseling' At least not to me. And also.. I was jsut a tiny bit ticked off that Master couldn't see that I needed some TLC. Cause honestly these subtrips are a lil on the scary side when gone on solo. And as for the passive agressive that you noted... Well that's cause the guy who is supposed to protect me from all things, and hold me and be there for me when things happen that are beyond my control, was sorta not paying attention or giving it its due. Is it too much for a submissive to ask for - a Master who is there for His submissive when she needs of Him?

DavanKael -> RE: submissive mode (4/6/2009 7:56:49 PM)
How charming a reply. Thing about posting to boards is that you get all sorts of replies, not just what you want to hear. I did not use the term attention whore. I said attention-seeking. The behaviors you describe that suggest that that is what you're doing include (From your op): mentioned, tactlessly, that i was feeling the way my [cruel and abuse] ex made me feel when he left even though that should have caused him to be worried There's really so much in the verbeage (I mean, are36D tits really relevant to what you say you're conveying?). Also, your acting out with a friend is also attention-seeking. Take it as you will. I am sticking, more firmly than ever, to my initial impressions and assertions. Also, your final question in reply to my post is a loaded one. Davan

catize -> RE: submissive mode (4/6/2009 7:58:26 PM)
Well, your run-on paragraph was very difficult to read. I am unclear what you mean by ‘submissive’ mode, but I gleaned a fuzzy idea that it includes being horny? That you needed someone, a man, to ‘master’ you sexually? And that your master, who is really a switch, apparently wasn’t in a ‘master mode’ and on top of that wasn’t interested in using you sexually. So you offered your body on cam to another guy---but here it gets confusing who exactly you are talking about. quote: Have any of you subs ever experienced this? Yes, there are times I want something and don’t get it. But I’m not even sure if that is what you are asking.

kuriouswitch -> RE: submissive mode (4/6/2009 9:52:22 PM)
if i'm feeling the need, no matter how strongly or not, to be used i tell Master. It does kind of cut into the whole, "he should be able to read my mind on this, he does on everything else" type thing but at the same time i'd rather go to him and beg him to use me because it's what i need than sit there angry at him for not reading my mind, angry because i'm not allowed to masturbate or orgasm without permission and trying to "tough it out" When i ask to be used Master rarely turns me down ( i mean come on, sex however he wants it whereever at that point) and the best part is he gets inventive with it too, i tell him i need to be used and off he goes into Master mode and off i go to subspace. We even have a routine i do if i need to be spanked/punished but don't want to voice it. It's a matter of communication, not name yelling and then running to another man. You needed to go to your Master, get his attention and focus by saying, "there's something we need to talk about" or "may i make a request" ect, and then when you have his full attention, TELL him you need to be used, be Mastered sexually, be taken and have the option "no" taken away at that very moment. telling him he's cruel and then going to talk to another Dom is not the right way to communicate.

CollaredLisa -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 3:32:28 AM)
I agree with you, kuriouswitch, when I get all "desperate" as my Master and I call it, I usually let him know/ ask him nicely, that kind of thing (unless it is a really bad moment, which is different) and usually he does do something. I would never think about trying to "get my share" with another person just because he doesn't feel like it.

eyesopened -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 4:54:53 AM)
I also had trouble following the run-on sentences and could not really decipher what facts were relevent to a question. The only question posed clearly was whether people had shared your experience (whatever that was). Now first of all my Master and I are ordinary people, yet He is Dominant 24/7 and I am submissive to Him 24/7 and there isn't any "mode" it is both our core personalities and our roles or aspect of our relationship. My serving my Master has never included telepathy or any requirement that He act a certain way toward me to "inspire" submission. I agree with others who have said this sounds like a lot of attention-seeking topping from the bottom. An example of "You will be all Domly when I want you to, dammit, or I will seek attention from someone else!" I would get away with that crap only once and that would be immediately preceeding my ass hitting the curb.

quietcontrary -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 5:47:16 AM)
All right, you're getting feed back you haven't liked and I see you've taken the defencive role. I would apprishiate it if for the moment, take this with no offence, just read it for what it's worth, as I am not out to judge or lable you, none of us are, we can only go off what you have said and there may be more to the story then we know. We can't read minds. :) I believe it has been nentioned that the post was hard to follow and difficult to read, no need to elaborate on that. Let me start with I am having troubles understanding the 'mode' because that is something I don't have, and it doesn't sound like 'sub-space' as I know it. All people are different though, so I am trying my best to be helpful with my understanding of this situation. I'm getting the feeling people are misunderstanding 'Mastered' with sexually Mastered', so I'm going to go with my understanding that you were in need of being Mastered in the sense of being taken care of. My dear, we have ALL experianced this at some point in time. Dom or sub. There are always places in life where we won't get what we need from out partners, be it on whatever front you're refuring. I see little relivance to that your Dom is a switch, as if you have accepted that about him, you had no problem with that prior to submitting. That doesn't give you a green light to run to the arms (well, screen name) of another Dom. All be it he is a friend. You have to take into concideration how that would make your Dom feel. You really thing that will invoke the 'Dom mode' of him? Knowing how it makes YOU feel when he talks to his 'other friends'.... Dealing with not getting your needs met was somewhere in that cluster of questions at the end of the post, well I suppose that's what you ment when you said 'stop it midway'. Everyone has their own ways of making their emotions take a back seat to reality of a situation, I believe that is why counsoling was mentioned. I think you chose your outlet and are now seeking a way to alter that behavoir so I'm going to save you the lecture there. I assume (dangerous thing for me to do) that is why you wrote, to seek another avenue of coping. Well, to be honest I've only ever been able to get through this by writing and talking with my Master there after. I write my view of things out, then read it, trying to read it as my Master would have taken it. Then with (hopefully) a better understanding of my Masters position, perhaps I can better communicate to him what I am feeling and needing in a way that he won't think it's being bratty or topping from the bottom. Then again you need to take into concideration, perhaps he had his reason for leaving you hanging as he did. It may have been a test, maybe pushing your limits to later gain trust, seeing how you would react or maybe he was just having a shitty day. This is a two way street and subs are not the only ones with needs that require attention. Perhaps you should have tried asking him WHY it was that he didn't persue your submission to have gained a better understanding and then a better ability to control and cope your imediate needs. I believe that is where people are getting 'topping from the bottom'. Seeing as he indeed seem to provoke that 'sub mode' from you there seems to almost had to be something more going through his mind at that point. I could be way off and giving you to much benifit of a doubt, but I hope not. You asked for advise and assistance, remember that is what people are trying to give you, listen with an open heart and it will prove more helpful. P.S. Not trying to lecture, but please break down your points into paragraphs, it is really hard for alot of people to follow your train of thought without occassionally making a stop at the station to gather up the idea. :) ~*~mqc

DesFIP -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 6:31:08 AM)
Sub drop. Don't play online. Do go to bed and eat chocolate when it happens. Learn to ask for what you need directly. "I'm feeling guilty and unloved. I need you to pay attention to me now and not talk to everyone else". This isn't a dom/switch/sub issue. It's him not caring enough. If you love someone, you want to help. If he'd rather talk to all his friends and only talk to you when he wants cybersex, well that tells you he just isn't that into you. Stop making excuses for him. Judge by his actions, not his words.

LaTigresse -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 6:39:52 AM)
Quit expecting pixels on a screen to provide you with a full on relationship.

eyesopened -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 7:28:43 AM)
Oh fuck me dead, I totally missed that this was about an on-line RPG! I'm so not a gamer that I should not have commented on such as I know nothing about it. Mea culpa!

subtlebutterfly -> RE: submissive mode (4/7/2009 8:26:10 AM)
thinks extremely hard about why it mattered that the tits were 36D[:-]

captnswench -> RE: submissive mode (4/8/2009 9:27:02 PM)
Thinks hard as to why it should matter if it was online?

smartalex -> RE: submissive mode (4/8/2009 9:35:45 PM)
because when you are playing online, it's very easy to become emotionally involved without getting appropriate nurturing. Slicing away some of the BS, it sounds like you weren't getting what you needed. If both of these relationships are primarily online, that's a good reason for it.

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