RE: Choice and submission

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Choice and submission

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Choice and submission

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 8:41:05 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Nope, it's not a choice for me, and there isn't a checklist of qualities I need before I can give someone my submission (or for that matter, before I can accept someone else's submission). It's an interaction, based on how I feel when I interact with him. Just like falling in love, I can't predict when it will happen, or who it will happen with, but I can choose not to act on it if they are offering a relationship which would be unhealthy for me.

(in reply to Anguis)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 9:31:18 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave
i now know that i am worth finding someone who i think is deserving of my submission. Because, as dumb and cliché as it sounds submission is a gift and damn it, i should be able to choose who receives it.

I could not agree more to this view...I am involved with some guys I am attracted to and some guys I am less attracted to....would I wanna jump into submission just because its an easy option and then it is "over and dealt with?" surely not.

Last year I declined to submit to someone in canada and another bloke and I tried it twice I was reasonable attracted to him but at the second attempt he changed his mind after I already had booked the flight to him (wasting my effort and my money on meeting him -as I still lost 200 dollars on the flight cancellation fee to him-, not to mention that I felt quite sick after that attitude). At that moment he tried to put the blame on me, a la I wouldn't have been "submissive enough" as I disagree to online-punishment bullshit...and "he would have found someone STRAIGHT AWAY AFTERWARDS..." yeah right...how believible is that one now....however, we came into touch again as I am reasonably polite most of the time and he tried to make contact again. We chattet and he came with the pity-attitude, a la I would not want to have something to do with him anymore anyway...at that moment I just said "well, I surely wouldn't waste my money on meeting you anymore, you would have to come over, and don't expect any submission bullshit from me online." He agreed and said that he would come over and we agreed to wait and see as I was (and still am) involved with someone else...however, thinking about it I felt more and more sick imagening being with him...I liked him on many levels, but the way he behaved after I had used my effort and money to pay my flight to him particular with being a student at the moment, I decided that he is certainly "not worth" my submission.

During different chats he came even up with 3 different reasons of why he would have dumped me. 1) the nonsense about not being submissive enough and he would have found someone else straight afterwards (where in reality he obviously found someone and couldn't wait to get rid off me), 2) "why should we meet, when I already was in a relationship..." right...now the version is that he already was in a relationship...so why did he then invite me to book my flight to meet him???? and the 3rd) version was "Do you expect me to wait ages for you, or what?" so now putting the blame on me for studying in UK at the moment...well, if he would have been serious he would have met last year in september and again I could have met him over xmas for 4 weeks and I could have relocated this year in june....is that too much to ask??? I don't think so, because to what did his inpatience bring him??? To still not having someone as he is now searching again...now, to finish my point I am making, WOULD I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM, JUST BECAUSE NOW HE FINALLY USES HIS BRAIN INSTEAD OF HIS EYES WHEN HE MAKES DECISIONS???? After treating me like that???? SURELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A guy using a variety of excuses why it is ok to dump me for no real reason and never bothering to even apologise, is not a guy I would be interested to "serve" as he is not worth my effort. Therefore I join the club of the ones who don't fancy being forced or influenced into submission, as my strong view is that only a happy sub is a good sub.

Another guy I met was far from what his profile stated physically....and also when he had a great sense of humour, he was seriously lazy and lacked of basic manners. I spent many days with him and thought about to give it a go or not and declined. I am happy to submit for the "right one", but I don't abuse myself with submitting to someone where I don't feel the necessary sparkles with. When I was imagening him being in charge I couldn't take him serious due to his plain lazyness and lack of his care about his body, Imagening him deciding to "punish" me made me feel sick/disgusted....therefore I realised, he is a nice bloke, but not someone I would like to serve. I need a minimum attraction to someone to make it work as I don't want that my happyness to serve changes into a serving out of fear or out of broken confidence....nope, I am a proud sub and I know that the right one I am going to make very happy....but as I am serious about wanting to serve for life...only "I" decide when I give my submission...and nobody is able to take it against my will

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 4/7/2009 9:37:02 AM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 9:51:41 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't want a weak man. I want him to be strong and to submit his strength to my service, as a horse submits to the direction of its rider.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 9:56:08 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

A vast overstatement, but a valid one!
Occasionally men have pursued me that could easily over power me if that was their wish. I have also put myself in situations in my life where I might have easily ended up as someones pit-girl.
But the thought of being with someone who may be stronger than I, but lacks intelligence.. <<shudder>>. I would be seaching for ways to kill one of us in a very short time. And I am very good at surprise.
Heh.. I am very glad I could outwit the 180 lb, 6'2" idiot from So Cal, who thought that capture was all it took to keep a woman.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

When people fantasize about 'forced' submission, they aren't envisioning some guy 30 years older than them who weighs 400 lbs and hasn't showered in a month.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 10:21:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
but I can choose not to act on it if they are offering a relationship which would be unhealthy for me.

Now to me, this is the most important thing. I may not be able to control the feelings due to chemistry, but I sure can choose not to agree to be his submissive if I don't think it's good for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Andalusite)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Choice and submission - 4/7/2009 11:53:03 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Yeah, I still disagree ;). I think the best part of D/s is the type of guy that will be entirely responsible for our being together. He decides and makes it very known that he has chosen me and I am going to be his. That's the only way I feel peaceful enough about it to get over my doubts and let me be his. I can have more faith in him than in me for sure. So if he thinks it's good, and I think he's good.. I'll think we're good, because he does.. ya know?

I agree with colouredin and the OP that you are still the one making the choice. The second statement of the two bolded above makes your part in the choice clear. While it is his dominance, or strength/charm/draw of his dominance that makes you accede, it is through that show of what he is and what he feels that you make that choice. Were another dominant not to show that same assurance/cockiness/arrogance, you would NOTchoose to be with him. Were he to ask rather than tell, that might be the show of "weakness" that you would then use to choose to not go with him.

~shrugs~ as has been said before, tis whatever floats your boat. One of the many things I believe in though is to not deceive yourself in something important like choice of partner vs. "overwhelming and capture" by partner. For myself, I want the submissive who chooses me because she responds to my overall dominance, not the fact that for whatever hours are necessary to convince her, I can act strong and forebearing and just too, too domly to resist. One of the things I've found about those submissives...in general at least...is that the strength of your draw lasts just about until someone with a bigger strength of draw due to a bit more cockiness comes along.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/7/2009 12:03:04 PM >

(in reply to hermione83)

Profile

Post #: 26