RE: Dominants Wearing Collars

RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 10:07:56 AM)
I have not read any of the other replies in the thread... ~FR~ quote: How do you feel about dominants wearing collars? I don't care one way or another quote: How do you feel about unowned people wearing collars in public venues? Don't care one way or another quote: Do you think we should strive for a more unified culture in public space? No quote: Do you always assume a person in a collar is owned? NO. I never assume anything. Instead, I go out of my way to ask. That saves embarassment later. quote: What is your opinion of people who go to BDSM clubs (frequently or not, doesn't matter) to play, but do not keep a power exchange dynamic anywhere else? I don't have an opinion on them one way or another. In other words; what someone else does is none of my business. edited to add: I read the thread...wow, lots of bickering just because a couple people stated that they did not like it. HOw about if I add to it? My above answer is a general answer. I truly don't care one way or another how others live their life; that's their life and as long as it does not interfer with mine, have at it. On a more personal level level though, my answers would be more like: quote: How do you feel about dominants wearing collars? If I was introduced to a Dominant wearing a collar; I would turn and walk away. My own personal views are that collars are for 'owned property', not for free men and women. However, I do not turn my nose up at them. If that's how they want to dress, more power to them. quote: How do you feel about unowned people wearing collars in public venues? To me a collar signifies ownership, plain and simple. Notice I said TO ME. Personally, if I meet a stranger wearing a collar, I am going to first assume that they are property, then I will ask so that I know for sure. For the rest of the questions...my answers would be the same.

AquaticSub -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 10:15:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper How do you feel about dominants wearing collars? I think the line between a collar and a choker necklace is thin, if not nonexistent, as many use jewelry for their symbols of ownership. Therefore... I don't give a damn. quote: How do you feel about unowned people wearing collars in public venues? Don't give a damn. They have the right to present themselves however they like. quote: Do you think we should strive for a more unified culture in public space? Not particularly. I'd burn any copy of the "BDSM dress code" I was handed. quote: Do you always assume a person in a collar is owned? Depends on the situation. If I see them by themselves at some of the more diverse events where "non-lifestyle" people also attend in fet gear, I would assume nothing. If I see them at a more "serious" event, I'd assume the odds are better than not that they are owned but if I was interested, I would ask. quote: What is your opinion of people who go to BDSM clubs (frequently or not, doesn't matter) to play, but do not keep a power exchange dynamic anywhere else? If they are having fun, then they are getting their needs met and good for them. You're actually talking about several of my friends with that statement and we all get along very well. My needs are different from their needs. The only amusing bit was when someone I didn't know well came along and were shocked that I did this outside of the party.

eleusis -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 10:54:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper quote: The worst? I saw a women in a collar (not a switch) leading a guy with a collar on a dog chain from another thread got me thinking. Many people support the "there's no true way" and "make BDSM whatever is right for you" theories, but then there's something like this. The quote was made in context of public play, does that change anything? How do you feel about dominants wearing collars? I think, if a dominant wants to wear a collar, he or she should do so. How do you feel about unowned people wearing collars in public venues? Unowned people make their own decisions, for their own reasons. If they want to wear a collar in a public venue, they too should do so. Do you think we should strive for a more unified culture in public space? No, I do not. I do not believe there really is one BDSM or D/s culture- just many individuals and groups with some similar aspects lumped together under one huge umbrella. Not only would it be a logistical nightmare- it would serve no purpose- and would alienate a lot of people. Do you always assume a person in a collar is owned? I try never to assume anything. I occassionally make a presumption, but I even try to steer clear of those. I find it best to ask the individual what something means or symbolizes. What is your opinion of people who go to BDSM clubs (frequently or not, doesn't matter) to play, but do not keep a power exchange dynamic anywhere else? I really have no opinion- other than that they have every bit as much of a right to be there as anyone else.

LadyPact -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 3:07:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite LadyPact, I think high protocol relationships or events could be quite beautiful, and I have no problem with them! If I were at a BDSM event that wasn't specifically high-protocol, though, and someone refused to talk with me, I'd be more likely to associate their behaviour with vanilla rudeness than with high protocol or with speech restrictions. Hopefully, I'd figure out otherwise, that's just likely to be my first reaction. In that environment, how would I know who his owner is, so that I could get her permission to talk with him first? (assuming that he and I were at the snack or water table, and his owner was elsewhere) I certainly wouldn't try to get him to play with me, if he were wearing a collar, but I don't usually approach anyone for play in any case (or accept an offer of play that evening with someone I've just met, for that matter). Since the thread, at least in part, has been a chance to speak about how people feel about collars, I think I'd still be on topic taking this opportunity to discuss this. Please accept that I missed a lot of the back and forth that seemed to happen in some of the prior pages, so some of this may have been covered. I do know that people have mentioned that people wear collars for different reasons. What I find a bit funny is that people actually seem more accepting of the collar being a fashion statement (personal choice) than those who might have a higher standard of protocol associated with wearing one (another personal choice). If I'm at a BDSM event, I expect there to be a mixture of all kinds of people there who will use their own level of protocol. That includes those in M/s dynamics or leather folks. People who would consider it rude to approach an owned person in the first place. Where you say you would consider it vanilla rudeness, I say you have to take into consideration the environment that you are in. Actually, it would be you who would be the one being rude by not addressing the Dominant of the dynamic first. That's part of the culture for some people and I don't see why it would be terribly difficult to respect that. The chit chat at the snack table certainly isn't more important than the way people have chosen to live, is it? I've used this analogy on the boards before and it might be useful here as well. When I visit My Japanese friend's home, I don't wear My street shoes inside. (In fact, that's actually how I picked up the term 'street shoes'.) Now, I don't consider it disrespectful to bring outdoor dirt into the house on the soles of one's shoes, but they do. Since that's the way they live, I respect that when in their company. The very same can be said when dealing with folks who have higher protocol. You're walking your feet through the house of our dynamic. This is how we live. Of course, you have the right to decide if you are going to respect that or not.

Andalusite -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 7:07:41 PM)
LadyPact, I'm aware that some people have those protocol restrictions, I just haven't run into them in person before. I've run into one submissive or slave who had a speech restriction. She kind of pursed her lips and looked toward her Dominant, so I got the idea and shut up, then checked in with him for details on what to do. If someone reacted by just turning away, including at a BDSM event, my initial reaction would be to avoid him and anyone he was interacting with. If I wound up talking with his owner when he wasn't there, I'd probably go ahead and ask for permission, but wouldn't be comfortable initiating conversation with him after that. However, I would still feel a little awkward around him, probably even if he later broke up with that person and was no longer in that dynamic. You have the right to make me uncomfortable that way, since the one you are enforcing it on is him. I just personally have issues with trying to talk to people who've snubbed me or been rude/unfriendly, and so I know it is likely to push my buttons that way. Not your fault, not his fault, nothing you have to change to accomodate me, just letting you know. If I were at an explicitly high-protocol event, I'd mostly spectate and stick with the person/people I came with, and only respond to/join in conversations that other people started. I've read a bit about high protocol, but not enough to feel confident about starting a conversation with anyone without worrying I might inadvertently offend someone. The whole title/etc. thing is rather confusing.

LadyPact -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/9/2009 11:35:01 PM)
(I hope no one is minding this little side discussion. I don't want anyone to think that I'm hijacking the thread. It's just that this is a good opportunity as the discussion has led to the additional subject.) Andalusite, I've very much enjoyed talking about this topic with you. There have been so many good things brought up that it is a real joy. In fact, you've help to re-establish My drive in working on what I had hoped would be My next presentation, which would be ritual and protocol. It's been a work in (somewhat) progress over the last six months. (Actually, I got snapped up for florentine flogging instead.) High protocol isn't really the big, bad demon that a lot of people make it out to be. It's also not as complicated as some would think. In fact, those who thrive on structure do very well in high protocol dynamics or environments. The same can be said for those who soar while performing service. Should you ever take a liking to the idea of getting yourself to a high protocol event to see how other folks do it, many times the organizers of said event will provide you with a cheat sheet of basic guidelines. It's rather simple stuff, really. It just goes to a bit higher level than what a lot of people would consider dungeon rules, with an added dash of formality. Any additional help that you might need can usually be provided by the host. Things like who belongs to who, which person has seniority and sits at the head of the table. Unless the gathering is a rather large one, a few minutes of observation will usually give anyone the tone of the setting and the people within it.

pdv99 -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/10/2009 12:39:31 AM)
I'm in the "let people wear what they want" camp....but if you choose not to follow conventions, be prepared to be misunderstood or explain your role to people who make assumptions about you based on how you are dressed. The important point for me in the OP is "Do you think we should strive for a more unified culture in public space? " NO! IMHO there is no right or wrong way to do this, no "one true path" - for goodness sake lets be a place that celebrates diversity and individuality. Talk to people, don't judge them by appearances!

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/12/2009 7:24:38 AM)
so what it comes down to is segration it really does those that really live to be this way and those that play at being this way just a gernic form of real vs not long live old school cuase we are nobodies fool :)

Venalismihi -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/12/2009 7:38:17 AM)
"LadyPact: I've used this analogy on the boards before and it might be useful here as well. When I visit My Japanese friend's home, I don't wear My street shoes inside." Here [London] in my everyday employment I call on patients in their home and have to follow their protocol [shoes off; legs and arms covered etc]. Respect for the lifestyle [religious beliefs, their social norms] that they follow.

missgone -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/12/2009 5:41:15 PM)
Obviously for women there are slave collars (available for men as well) and dominatrix collars... Two different designs. If there were two slavecollars.. then I would react.. Otherwise no.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/12/2009 6:07:51 PM)
but what is the point of being apart of something if you do no respect the things in place I mean thats kinda of silly it is like belonging to club and say i do not like the rules so all you have to suck eggs cause i am hell bent on changing them wtf i mean come on be real or for some of you unreal or what ever politicaly correct or uncorrect term you wish talk about a prozac moment folks geeze no wonder mother nature has said piss off

DesFIP -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/12/2009 6:39:44 PM)
If it's a club, then people are there to engage in s & m. Not just power exchange types do this, you can be goth or punk and still like s & m. And goths and punks are known for their use of collars as part of their dress outfits. Would I feel comfortable if he suddenly put one on? No, but as I'm not in a relationship with anyone else, I don't care what they do. As long as they do it in an appropriate place.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Dominants Wearing Collars (4/13/2009 5:06:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If it's a club, then people are there to engage in s & m. Not just power exchange types do this, you can be goth or punk and still like s & m. And goths and punks are known for their use of collars as part of their dress outfits. i covered a metal/industrial show Friday night. the mode of dress - leather, chains, spiked hair, collars, etc etc. even some in the bands on stage were sporting collars. it would be kind of tough separating the kinky from the non-kinky in that crowd.

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