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Experiences - 1/29/2006 12:30:07 AM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I have been contemplating this post in my head for some time now. Honestly, I had been (and I still am, to a degree) afraid to post my thoughts at all due to the possible responses I would receive.

When I started out in WIITWD, I wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to have the classic (if fictional) M/s relationship, with all the trimmings and trappings that I would hear about from my online chat friends (yup, I had chat friends). Bound and gagged, cuffed and collared, dark makeup, NIN on the stereo, and kneeling at his feet on the floor. That was actually where I saw myself. (Terrifying, isn't it?)

It took me a very long time to admit to myself that I would never be that girl. It took a lot longer to realize that I would have to define myself, and that no one, not even my partner, could identify which kind of person I would turn out to be.

Do you ever find that you just don't fit into that round peg? You're slightly too large or perhaps too small? I found that I wasn't just a sub or just a slave or even just a switch.

And I finally realized that being vanilla about 18 hours out of the day wasn't really so horrible. I admit it. I'm more than a little vanilla. I don't sit at anyone's feet. I'm afraid of sex. And I like to watch spongebob squarepants in my pajamas while cuddling under sixteen pieces of fleece.

I also like S&M. I just realized that my world doesn't revolve completely around it. And it occurs to me that that isn't a bad thing--that I don't have to be a sub all the time or a slave all the time or a switch all the time to feel like a submissive inside.

I don't know how much sense this makes. It's difficult to express exactly where I'm coming from, mostly because I'm afraid of being flamed for being too fake or not fitting in just right or something else entirely.

We often see posts about liars and cheaters and players and wannabes. I wonder what the name for me is? Vanilla with a twist?

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

Post #: 1

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 1:02:21 AM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Excellent post! (i so LOVE honesty)

You are, thats it. You are!

One of the things that i find most attractive about this lifestyle, is the freedom that it seems to afford the individual to chose and to decide for themselves "what" they are. How they want to "be" within a relationship. There are no "supposed to's" or "shoulds."

i have noticed that some responders do seem to be so very quick to reply to an OP based on their own perceptions of the OP - rather than responding to the specific words written in the post itself. These things happen when dealing with people

So, thank you for daring to brave the flames! Like i said, my favorite words are those spoken from the heart, and it seems clear that is where this post of yours is coming from.

Enjoy!
st50

_____________________________

i want to be your ... #1 lowest common denominator.

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 2

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 1:35:24 AM

PrincessinLatex

Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I'll have to agree with turtle on this one. It is refreshing to see self awareness and and thinking that goes *way* outside of the box. I've moved somewhate further away from the BDSM scene and have aligned myself closer to the fetish scene.

I am who I am.. . .and I dont fit into nice clean cut categories most of the time.

I'm a sadist.
I'm a masochist.
I'm dominant.
I suck cock.
I wear clothes that show my tits.
I wear neck corsets.
I tighlace.
I love to draw blood.
I love to bleed.
I love to make people cry.
I cry when my lover is in emotional pain.
I guess all this makes me a fake.

P

_____________________________

If you are pervy and you know it, come visit me at ** Got Kink? **

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 3

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 1:43:03 AM

meeky

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

Control. It's a neat thing.

D (owner of j).

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 4

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 1:53:59 AM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

I think you are experimenting with new things and accumulating viewpoints on the way. Later on the process will be to strip away what's unnecessary and to leave only the essential. The process is deeply personal and not all of your relationships will survive what you discover about yourself.

I would try not to label myself in too many ways - but at the same time those labels do help others understand who one is and are therefore a kind of necessary evil. The rest is conversation and context.

That's how I see it given what little I know of you and tracking you through only a mere handful of threads.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 5

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 6:42:39 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Vanilla with a twist is exactly how I have described myself. I know I'm submissive, but not having any real life experience just yet means I just don't know where I fit in the BDSM labels. I don't like labels anyway. I feel we are who we are and that is an ever changing process as we grow and learn about ourselves and the world.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 6

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 6:57:41 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

<sitting here typing this in my spongebob jammies, sipping coffee & watching Meet the Press>

We all have vanilla aspects of our lives. 24/7 does not have mean that I have a sub/slave kneeling at my feet & that I have a crop in my hand. What it means to me is that both myself & my submissive know who we are to each other & that we follow through with our activities with this knowledge each day. We have a few rituals set up that offer positive reinforcement.

Keeping up with the the Joneses in this type of lifestyle will surely make you out to be more fake than just being yourself. Don't attempt to be like everyone else, just be able to define who you are & communicate this with others. If they don't like it then their 'kink' is simply not your kink & move on.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 7

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 7:09:18 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

(response written in velvet pants and oversized sloppy red sweater--fire burning--and the only thing at My feet at the moment is 2 hissing cats and the dog--so not very Domme like--smiles

Bravo Kitten for a brave discovery--so many don't even attempt--

quote:

When I started out in WIITWD, I wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to have the classic (if fictional) M/s relationship, with all the trimmings and trappings that I would hear about from my online chat friends (yup, I had chat friends). Bound and gagged, cuffed and collared, dark makeup, NIN on the stereo, and kneeling at his feet on the floor. That was actually where I saw myself. (Terrifying, isn't it?)

It took me a very long time to admit to myself that I would never be that girl. It took a lot longer to realize that I would have to define myself, and that no one, not even my partner, could identify which kind of person I would turn out to be.

I have recently has many conversations with My friends, the boy and My unmentionable about the elusive "there"--it exists in life both vanilla and BDSM--what you described above is what was once your "there"---when I get "there" I will be at peace, fulfilled and happy---uh yeah--the problem is we spend so much time trying to get to or find "there" we miss what is really important--the "here"--I am not saying goals are bad for they give us a sense of direction and purpose, but our visions of "there" are so unrealistic, unnatural and most of the time unattainable that we fry ourselves in the attempt to get to "there"--and this life is no different--the most freeing moment for Me was when I realized I am Dominant--if I never pick up another toy--I am what I am, I realized I am one hell of a marketing strategist without owning another damn business suit. I stopped to look at the here and the Me in the "here" that is what you have done--

quote:

Do you ever find that you just don't fit into that round peg? You're slightly too large or perhaps too small? I found that I wasn't just a sub or just a slave or even just a switch.

And I finally realized that being vanilla about 18 hours out of the day wasn't really so horrible. I admit it. I'm more than a little vanilla. I don't sit at anyone's feet. I'm afraid of sex. And I like to watch spongebob squarepants in my pajamas while cuddling under sixteen pieces of fleece.

You have opened your eyes and embraced the "here"--what is real, now, actual and non-elusive--what seaturtle says--You are---embrace the "you" that you are, it hardly makes you a fake or a wannabe--in fact those that strive for that all elusive "there"---will never feel an iota of the peace that you feel at this moment all bundled under your fleece

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/29/2006 7:12:25 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 8

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 7:54:01 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LMAO Kitten, you made perfect sense...and to tell the truth, I think you hit on something that ALOT of people struggle with, both new and old.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 9

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 8:28:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

When I started out in WIITWD, I wanted to be just like everyone else.

one of the worst things we can do is buy into the concept that we can be "just like everone else", that we can, just by virtue of our existence, have, do and be fulfilled by the same thing we perceive someone elses fulfillment to come by, or some idyllic situation, a la fairy-tales, marketing schemes and scams. it isn't exclusive to any particular activity or relationship dynamic. it is the basis for almost every advertisement marketed to your concious or subconcious awareness when you participate in society. this slave grew up thinking that a happy fulfilling marriage is what one is "supposed to" strive for, should they choose to enter into an intimate relationship. Later on, this slave discovered that there are individuals who have happy, fulfilling relationships outside of marriage, even when marriage is against the law for the two individuals involved~the "marriage contract" did not the relationship magically "make". the individuals involved and the unique experiences they have are what make their relationship magical or tragic.

quote:

Do you ever find that you just don't fit into that round peg?

yes, and to that this slave says HALLELUJAH!!!! this slave hasn't been "that" round peg, or even anything closely resembling it, since before birth. this slave knows the emotional turmoil that the columbine terrorists focused on, as far as being the teased and tormented outsider kid that doesn't fit in and has no friends--this slave wasn't "the fat kid", or the "nerd", but the wierd redhead(the ginger-kid with NO SOUL!!!!)~fucked with daily by the 4 other girls and 5 boys in the class from 2nd to 7th grade. after much sorting out, this slave decided not only was she never going to be like anyone else, no matter if she changed her "outer" colors and what-have-you, but if the way those kids and most adult folk behave is the 'norm', this slave will find much more fulfillment as far away from the 'norm' as she can possibly get--in other words, it has been this slave's experience that there are very few, like a HANDFUL of people that this slave has met in her entire life, that she felt share similar attitudes, thoughts or experiences with regards to our identity as a "peg" and the "hole" that we envision as a fit for us in present-day society.

quote:

Honestly, I had been (and I still am, to a degree) afraid to post my thoughts at all due to the possible responses I would receive...It's difficult to express exactly where I'm coming from, mostly because I'm afraid of being flamed for being too fake or not fitting in just right or something else entirely.

Awwww, it's ok....folks have flamed, insulted, misunderstood, mocked, called derogatory names, etc. thoughts, feelings or experiences this slave has shared here, but it is ok, this slave learned a long time ago, not to let the unenlightened, the cruel and the name-callers get her down!

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 10

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 9:12:15 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Are you Happy? I suspect your very happy now.... amazing what happens when you put on your own clothes and not trying to wear someone else's. I think it is wonderful that you are being true to who you are within yourself. That is the only true or real that exists... within YOU! Be it do it... Honestly! To hell with the rest of the world, that expect you to live to their labels and ideals. Do you really want to have friendship with people that want you to lie to yourself, to you to pretend to be something your not.... mmmmm makes me wonder about them! What kind of integrity do they have... what label are they trying to live up to that is just a lie to themselves.

I applaud and admire your courage to be YOU! Well Done! You would indeed be a wonderful person to get to know!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 11

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 9:21:08 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

When I started out in WIITWD, I wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to have the classic (if fictional) M/s relationship, with all the trimmings and trappings that I would hear about from my online chat friends (yup, I had chat friends). Bound and gagged, cuffed and collared, dark makeup, NIN on the stereo, and kneeling at his feet on the floor. That was actually where I saw myself. (Terrifying, isn't it?)
====================

this is scary. people fantasizing....by online experiences.......
i hope some time some how,...people realize there is a real life side to all this.
i may be, over reacting, but it worries me, that this seems to me, very unsafe,...people not understanding, there are consequences to this lifestyle.
there are safety nets for this........precautions......

please??????????

be sure........100% sure.........of your safety at ALL times......

best wishes

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 12

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 9:29:08 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Fudge ripple. ;-)

What's important here is not where you've ended up but that you're become aware of where you ended up. Coupled with a tolerance for those who did not end up where you are is one key to being happy with who you are.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea????

Fire - who had the Cartoon Network and Boomerang in her quick buttons on the TV.

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 13

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 9:33:47 AM

IndigoDadesi

Posts: 185
Status: offline

In my opinion this *ahem* lifestyle is largely about self-reflection, regardless of where you are kneeling or what you are doing. So if you are digging deep, and it sounds like you are, Id say you are living true to yourself.

Good for you.

~I.D.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 14

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 9:35:09 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

Fudge ripple. ;-)

What's important here is not where you've ended up but that you're become aware of where you ended up. Coupled with a tolerance for those who did not end up where you are is one key to being happy with who you are.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea????

Fire - who had the Cartoon Network and Boomerang in her quick buttons on the TV.

LMAO I am huge spongebob fan also...not to mention scooby doo who is my absolute hero..............

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 15

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 10:02:32 AM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

LMAO I am huge spongebob fan also...not to mention scooby doo who is my absolute hero..............

O.K. - i confess! i am currently addicted to the cartoon network - specifically adult swim!!!!

st50

_____________________________

i want to be your ... #1 lowest common denominator.

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 16

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 11:14:03 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

There are times when something is so simple, so beautiful and so utterly honest that all one can say is thank you for posting it.

So... thank you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 17

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 4:17:57 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

Bound and gagged, cuffed and collared, dark makeup, NIN on the stereo, and kneeling at his feet on the floor. That was actually where I saw myself. (Terrifying, isn't it?)

Probably. It sounds a lot like my scenes.

quote:

Do you ever find that you just don't fit into that round peg? You're slightly too large or perhaps too small? I found that I wasn't just a sub or just a slave or even just a switch.

I find out something new to that effect every day. We all define ourselves with the most convenient words and definitions, but they will never fit perfectly because we are all unique. One word cannot sum up our being.

quote:

And I finally realized that being vanilla about 18 hours out of the day wasn't really so horrible. I admit it. I'm more than a little vanilla. I don't sit at anyone's feet. I'm afraid of sex. And I like to watch spongebob squarepants in my pajamas while cuddling under sixteen pieces of fleece.

It's nice that someone else admits it.

I run around the house in my PJ's all day. The only submissive thing we usually have time for is me cooking dinner if I feel up to it, asking him how his day was, and letting him grab my boobs whenever he feels like it. The typical master/slave relations have to be planned into our lives. There isn't time for them any other way. And there is nothing wrong with it. I relish the time I do get in that capacity all the more for it being rare.

quote:

I also like S&M. I just realized that my world doesn't revolve completely around it. And it occurs to me that that isn't a bad thing--that I don't have to be a sub all the time or a slave all the time or a switch all the time to feel like a submissive inside.

Woot! (Used here to mean, "I definitely agree").

quote:

We often see posts about liars and cheaters and players and wannabes. I wonder what the name for me is? Vanilla with a twist?

Nah. The name for people like us is "submissives with a twist". We like our BDSM and we like our regular lives. We're simply balancing the two as best we can.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 1/29/2006 4:18:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 18

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 5:19:27 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I *love* Home Movies, Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, and Aqua Teen :D

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 19

RE: Experiences - 1/29/2006 8:05:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist
Do you ever find that you just don't fit into that round peg? You're slightly too large or perhaps too small? I found that I wasn't just a sub or just a slave or even just a switch.

I hope everyone figures out that they don't fit into the round peg- because no one ever really does.

Whether you believe a majority of people in the scene are switches or not depends on your perspective. What matters is that you DO break out of the idea of trying to fit in, checking twice to see if anyone else has ever done something, and just become comfortable in your own skin.

quote:

We often see posts about liars and cheaters and players and wannabes. I wonder what the name for me is? Vanilla with a twist?

No, just kinky people who also happen to be liars and cheaters and the like.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 20

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