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Jeptha -> RE: How To Humiliate (4/16/2009 11:01:03 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
...I agree with the idea that "good" humiliation is the illusion of negativity. But it's something more. It has to be rooted in reality. ...
In my experience it's been based on fantasies that she already had; but extrapolating off of that and adding my own fuel to the fire to make it feel like something new and different.
So; even tho I may appear to be objectifying or degrading her, there is a sort of meta-awareness (if you will pardon the pretentiousness of the term), always present though unspoken, that I'm leading her just as surely as if we were walking through a dark wood at night by flashlight.
This is why I love to hear about fantasies; it's great insight, but it could also be a source of raw material, like a painter's paints (again, begging your kind indulgence for the lofty metaphor.)
It's also why I get puzzled by a sort of non-feedback-loop that appears to happen when I hear submissives claim that they don't want their dominants to learn their fantasies because they are worried that the dominant will then cater to them, in effect bottoming to the fantasy.
I just want to say in clarification: it doesn't really work like that.
I could go on about that, but I guess that would be getting a little too far afield.
As a side note: I wonder if humiliation for men is different, as what I read from a lot of sub men who talk about it on this site seems to be coming from a whole different sort of mindset, with a different desired relationship structure, and whatever else. That all is a little mysterious to me.
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