Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Life Baggage


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Life Baggage Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 4:52:51 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		IronBear post about "Low Income Dom's" got me thinking about the other side.
In my time here on CM I've noticed a good number of Sub's who for what ever
reason are living relatively low on the food chain in life. Being one of them who is
I've questioned beginning any kind of relationship until my grip on life is firmer.
Like my profile states, "my baggage resembles Scarlet going home to Tara".
With that in mind, I would like to hear other's opinions of Sub's with Issues.
Should we stay out of relationships until our life is firmly under our control,
just to have worth to what we may give away? Or is it possible that being
Somewhat of a blank slate that is directable, desirable?

Thanks in Advance for your thoughts.
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 4:59:18 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm, well, I live paycheck to paycheck basically. Everything I got from the sale of my house and insurance I sunk into a fund for my daughter. But, I pay my own rent, I buy my own food, I clothe myself and my daughter...not to mention the fact that up until a couple years ago, I still had my late husbands offspring living with me ( I raised all three of them, and am putting one through school...the other two went military ). I struggle to make it sometimes, but I know that I do my best...and that is all that matters. I see no reason why it should be a 'block' that is put in my way. If someone can not accept that I have responsibilities just as anyone else...then personally, I don't want anything to do with them.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:02:00 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Is it possible to ever have your life under control???

I have baggage and thankfully my Dom is willing to take it on. I have apologized to him for having the baggage and have asked him if he is really sure he wants to take me on when he could find someone with much less then I have. He says he loves and wants me and I am the sub for him. Awwww he is the sweetest Dom!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:05:41 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		well all come into relationships with baggage... But is the baggage managing you are are you managing the baggage? Sometimes we need to get rid of baggage before we get into a relationship.. sometimes we need to be in a relationship to get rid of baggage... hell sometimes we don't know we are carrying a particular piece until we get into a relationship and sometimes we think we got rid of it and wam it suddenly crops up.. so do we ever get rid of baggage? Baggage also comes in all sorts of colors and sizes.. and sometimes there is nothing in the baggage, sometimes a small baggage is plum full and weights alot... mmmmmmmmmm so are you getting the point? really every situation is different, we can only do the best we can and be as honest as we can with what we are carrying as baggage.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:06:54 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Quivver - everyone has baggage. If you've lived a life, you've been hurt, joyous, and carry scars. It shouldn't matter that much. I always laugh when I see profiles with "check your baggage before entering." Your baggage, good and bad, is part of who you are. Don't postpone happiness, you'll never be perfectly rid of your baggage. Just some things to consider.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:11:18 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		We ALL have baggage in our lives ... it is part of the human experience to go through life's traumas.

Clean slate? I wouldn't ever want to meet one. How could I relate?

The trick is to find someone who KNOWS where theor sh*t is and how to handle it.

A dear friend of mone once told me that a 'normal' person is someon that you don't know very well yet.

fergus

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:15:07 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		There's that saying...if you wait until you can afford to have children then you'll never have them.
Same thing here. If you wait until everything is perfect in your life to have a relationship then you'll never have one.
Maybe the relationship will help with your problems. Maybe it won't.
You'll never know unless you try.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:17:06 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		The relationship I am in is a new experience for me. I am a sub, and I do have my financial/career struggles. My Dom has responsibilities that were in place before I came along and He cannot afford to support me moneywise at present.

In the past I have chosen a man based on whether he could support me in the lifestyle to which I'd become accustomed. I have had plenty of that, and it does not equal love.

This time, I am supported in many other ways and I am empowered to make my own way. Sexist views might say this is bogus - the woman should be taken care of. Well, I have weathered the storms of trying to live with men who are emotionally unavailable, and it has been heartbreaking on a soul level. And their monetary support used as a justification to disrespect me.

This time I am loved for who I am and I have the pleasure of being with a man who is emotionally available, sensitive and who gives me guidance without disrespecting me. All I have to give up is my ego and my princess notions of how my myth says it should be. I am ready for the growth this relationship holds for me.



_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:24:21 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Quivver - everyone has baggage. If you've lived a life, you've been hurt, joyous, and carry scars. It shouldn't matter that much. I always laugh when I see profiles with "check your baggage before entering." Your baggage, good and bad, is part of who you are. Don't postpone happiness, you'll never be perfectly rid of your baggage. Just some things to consider.

Funny, because I feel the exact opposite. Why carry baggage from a failed relationship with you to the next one? It'll only ruin that one as well. Now mind you that I consider negative feelings to be the bad baggage. Example: A woman leaves a bad relationship. The guys cheated on her with anything on two lgs. I mean ANYTHING. So she ends that relationship and is getting to start a new one. But, she has to state that since she's been "burned" in the past, and she's unwilling to trust someone new. Why? Whats the point in trying to get into a new relationship then if you can't leave the old one in the past where it belongs? New guy wasn't the one that burned her, why is he having to pay for the fuck-ups of the old guys? This is the point where I call bullshit. We've all, most likely, been burned in our past. I now I have. Live and learn. But if we let it effect our present, we lessen the chance of having any sort of happy future. So, I don't bring baggage from one relationship to another. I bring lessons learned and the attitude that the next will be better then the last.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:42:04 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think that life experiences mark you. I don't think you can get plastic surgery and erase things that have happened to you. You deal, you make adjustments, you learn. And yes, hopefully you don't carry that stuff into the new relationship, but I'm not so certain about it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:44:55 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Well i know i got my fair share in this life. i know that sometimes it manages me and sometimes i manage it. LOL i know i carry alot of that so called thing baggage. And i've sat down and stuided each piece of. i know that it also pops up on me unknowningly and eeks out through my actions or words and it sometimes explodes out of me. i remember one night standing toe to toe to a man twice my size and a body builder screaming at him to "fing drop me" Oooo and i egged him on too. All because he "threatened" me with words. LOL he thought i was insane and told me i "had issues" LOL i shrugged my shoulders and said i kno.

i know for me the baggage i carry wont clear up over night, or in the next 6 months or even the next couple of years. i know that because i gained some of it as at an early age it became apart of me.

So, i'm a work in progress as is everyone actually. Why hold off until the project is finished? i doubt it ever will be. But when it comes to meaningful relationships i tend to be right up front. the man i am with now, knew right in the first few months, by actions or my words i was riddled with issues. i didnt lie, didnt hide. Hey, i figure they should know what they're getting into! i wouldnt want to wish my crap on anyone... lol ... not even myself. As even i detest dealing with it! (i've a low tolerance for crap.. and you can only imagine how cranky i get with myself lololol)

Point is, i see nothing wrong with entering things with baggage as long as you're upfront about it. On another note, who really wants others bailing after you're already involved once they've found out about your "baggage".

My solution, works well for everyone.

Hehe hehehe.. People KNOW when they are talking to me, what they're dealing with. A complete and utter nut. LOL

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 5:56:28 PM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline 		Part of getting to know my boy involved both of us sharing what's in our respective baggage.

I wouldn't want to have a sub with a blank slate. What's that anyways, a newborn? Even our childhood gives us baggage.

Some people consider having had negative experiences in our past to be a bad thing. I don't. As long as those are not unresolved issues that are causing you problems, and are instead things that have taught you lessons.

Life is all about learning, and if what's in your baggage has taught you something, than it's good baggage. It's what has made you who you are right now.

If it's just made you bitter, miserable or out of control, then you should see what you can learn from it, and learn about yourself and move on.

Phoenix


_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:20:58 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

IronBear post about "Low Income Dom's" got me thinking about the other side.
In my time here on CM I've noticed a good number of Sub's who for what ever
reason are living relatively low on the food chain in life. Being one of them who is
I've questioned beginning any kind of relationship until my grip on life is firmer.
Like my profile states, "my baggage resembles Scarlet going home to Tara".
With that in mind, I would like to hear other's opinions of Sub's with Issues.
Should we stay out of relationships until our life is firmly under our control,
just to have worth to what we may give away? Or is it possible that being
Somewhat of a blank slate that is directable, desirable?

Thanks in Advance for your thoughts.
Q


We all have baggage and life is never firmly in control for very long---your worth is who you are, baggage and all. Realize it, accept it, and never be ashamed of it--that is something Scarlett never did.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:31:31 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

We all have baggage and life is never firmly in control for very long---your worth is who you are, baggage and all. Realize it, accept it, and never be ashamed of it--that is something Scarlett never did.




Well, who says baggage is such a bad thing? Think about how you feel when the airline loses it. then you have nothing to wear and can't brush your teeth.

I am joking around, but the fact is, "baggage"...our experiences and the stuff that we carry with us...makes us who we are.

Smythe



_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:35:40 PM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		When i first met Master i was somewhat of a mess financially. i had really bad credit that occurred after my divorce. i had a horrible car since i couldn't get anything better because of my credit. Also, i had some emotional baggage because i felt everyone just left and never stayed. Master helped me with alot of these issues and i thank Her for that. Everyone has baggage in some form or another. i am thankful for having such a great Master. She helped to get back on track in my life and She continues to guide me in the right direction when i need it.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:40:31 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

The guys cheated on her with anything on two lgs. I mean ANYTHING. So she ends that relationship and is getting to start a new one. But, she has to state that since she's been "burned" in the past, and she's unwilling to trust someone new


As i am told often. "remember when rafiki hit simba in the head and said now are you going to learn from that or"

We learn from our mistakes. That is what matters. i agree not also not to trust "new" people. i believe trust is EARNED. Down right, completely utterly earned. in the past when i've been burned, it was from my own stupidity, because i GAVE that trust away. You learn.

Sometimes i think stuff like you mentioned is not that some one is carrying the baggage you think. i think they are carrying a different baggage. Fear. Afraid to be hurt again. Granted life hurts and there is no escaping it, but who wants to willingly offer up for it? Who in their right mind would walk blindly out on a branch, on the same tree, thats already broken and dropped you once. As an anology. That is pure stupidity.

"yes i was up in the tree of men, i walked out blindly on a limb and it broke. So i climbed back up and decided to walk out on another branch. Dont know if this other one will break or not, but heck, its only a broken leg, i think i'll walk out blindly again"

Ummm.... hello? Did anyone catch the stupidity factor there? No. Being burned doesnt leave us with baggage, it leaves us with lessons. DONT WALK OUT BLINDLY ON A BRANCH. Feel you're way out. Test it.

Another anology just incase you didnt catch the first one. Some one tells you to hand them a gun. You do. They shoot you. 6 months later someone tells you to hand them a gun. You gonna fork it over fully loaded? Sure this other person wasnt the one that shot you. You gonna honestly tell me, that you would with out hesitation with out thought with out, that you would just fork it right over.

Same goes for trust.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:40:32 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

We all have baggage and life is never firmly in control for very long---your worth is who you are, baggage and all. Realize it, accept it, and never be ashamed of it--that is something Scarlett never did.




Well, who says baggage is such a bad thing? Think about how you feel when the airline loses it. then you have nothing to wear and can't brush your teeth.

I am joking around, but the fact is, "baggage"...our experiences and the stuff that we carry with us...makes us who we are.

Smythe




I agree but I so hate the word baggage--

We should not think of it as "baggage" but more the fabric of our American quilt---some squares plain and unkempt, some squares elegant and haughty---but all stitiched to make the whole---

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/29/2006 6:41:26 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 6:57:13 PM   
Crazytwice


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline 		My bag is heavy and my arm gets tired, but it has seen so much of the world and has so much well-worn character that I couldn't imagine traveling without it.



_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 7:12:26 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Personal Baggage... Suit Cases?

My kids aren't not baggage.... my medical condition is baggage. They are me and my life. They are right out front and there for all to see. There's no appoligizing for none of it. You know it, you see it, you desided you wanted it.. when you decided you wanted me.

I am one that lives day by day for most part. After the important things get paid... rent.. electric.. groceries... and things for kids schooling (clothes, supplies etc)... then it's day by day. I feel quilty if I need a new pair of pants most times. Because I feel I'm taking from my kids something they may need. We have nice things... not the best... but we do good. I do know this.. my kids my want a lot of things... but by God they don't need anything.

Master knows this.... do I expect his help? No... not unless he moves in the front door. Then yes... not to take it all on.. by himself either.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Life Baggage - 1/29/2006 8:12:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
Should we stay out of relationships until our life is firmly under our control,
just to have worth to what we may give away? Or is it possible that being
Somewhat of a blank slate that is directable, desirable?

Thanks in Advance for your thoughts.
Q

We should stay out of relationships until our lives are reasonably secure and stable. Until we have good footing for what we want and what we're into.

I say relationships- not dating ot having fun or experimenting. Problem is a lot of people don't know how to just date and have fun without feeling pressured to have more.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Life Baggage Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.107