RE: The love that won't go away. (Full Version)

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DavanKael -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 8:50:19 AM)

Waiting is, adelphus. 
'Course, I believe that one ought go on living their lives until waiting is filled. 
Sometimes these matters are less linear than we'd make them. 
  Davan



Highlandsub -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 10:18:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Adelphus
I met her a year ago and she put me in a place where I always wanted to go. But she had someone else at the time and she didn't feel comfortable with poly. We bonded anyway. She loves me... but when she broke with her sub, she didn't come for me. She went to someone else.
Has anyone waited with success, or do these things never end well?


Its tough to comment on personal relationships, seeing as how we don't know all the details but it seems to me that she didn't bond as much as you. Did you ask her why she didn't come to you? What did she say? Only you can make the choice but why wait around for someone that has clearly shown they don't have the same feelings as you have?



Goddess2002 -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 10:55:07 AM)

The fact that she went to another suggest to me that perhaps the type of love she has for you is different than the one you have for her.

Move on and enjoy life...I've been in this type of situation before and it sucks...but I've found that if they eventually come around you've usually moved on from them!



IronBear -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 11:23:18 AM)

Three or so decades, I stood Best Man at the wedding of a gentleman (in the truest sense of the word) whom I respected greatly, and the girl I had loved and been in love with for several years. Now I am Godfather to their children. neither of them knew or even know now my feelings then  and never will. She is happy which is all I wanted for her and I have learned to live with that seeing that a period of absolute craziness in highly dangerous situations never resulted in my death, living seemed the best thing to do. Time helps heal the wounds to a lesser or greater degree and dulls the pain. Now with my Lady, I am more than content and happy. Unrequited love is a bitch.. Learn from it and learn to deal with it so you can move on to the lover waiting in the wings ready for you to be ready.



RCdc -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 2:22:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 
Well since the one I use to pine for is engaged, I think I'll move on.


I get that is how it is for you lushy.  I just don't believe in it for everyone.  I took the risk and it was the right thing to do.  If it hadn't I would have no one to blame, just myself.
 
As long as people remember that and don't suddenly wonder where their life went, I prefere to say it's rarer, not never.
 
the.dark.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 3:13:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 
Well since the one I use to pine for is engaged, I think I'll move on.


I get that is how it is for you lushy.  I just don't believe in it for everyone.  I took the risk and it was the right thing to do.  If it hadn't I would have no one to blame, just myself.
 
As long as people remember that and don't suddenly wonder where their life went, I prefere to say it's rarer, not never.
 
the.dark.

 
Well your waiting ws most likely due to situations and not that Darcy didnt love you but someone else. Thats pretty much what the situation that we are referring to is they were just not that into us.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 3:24:36 PM)

Don't wait, move on. Besides if she wanted to come to you, she probably would have already. If she later wants to then she probably will come whether you wait or not.
Waiting and not moving on only makes things more difficult for you.

...you've got me dancin n cryin, rollin n flyin love don't let me go you've got me drownin in a river, cold but in fever love don't let me gooooo.....
oh great now I have that song stuck in my mind for the rest of the night[8|]



NihilusZero -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 4:04:13 PM)

This sounds more like gambling than waiting.

The likelihood you'll find anyone else like her versus the likelihood of her 'coming around'. The waiting only gets mixed into the equation as a sacrifice you're willing to make based off of the first of the two mentioned probabilities.



Adelphus -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 4:26:26 PM)

Hey all, thanks for the response.

Unfortunately for me, my attempts to forget her and move on haven't worked. I'm not really waiting, as I'd try someone else if they came along, but being gay really drains the field when you're female. And the fact that I really care for this person. Conventional wisdom says I'm screwed, but here's hoping otherwise.



PanthersMom -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/11/2009 11:57:56 PM)

waiting really doesn't do you much good, actively living life and someday meeting an incredible woman is more likely than her "coming around".  happened to me with someone i cared for very much.  he regrets the choice he made.  i don't regret moving on.
PM



DesFIP -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 6:59:24 AM)

OP, first off, stop talking to her. Don't talk to her, don't go out in a group that she also belongs to. Don't see her or talk to her at all. Because as long as you are still talking to her, interacting with her, you aren't going to be ready to move on.

Then take six months off from seeking while you mourn the loss of this fantasy. Write down a list of her faults and incompatibilities to counteract your memory which only shows you her good points. When you get hung up on her again, look at the bad points.

And start doing things you haven't done lately that you enjoy. Call up friends and go to the movies, take a yoga class, meet for a long walk etc.



scottishdove -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 6:59:27 AM)

hi Adelphus

i also have Aspergers, but not to the extent that you do.

but this lesson is one i have really learned well.

i no longer indulge in unrequited obsessive love situations.

i came to realize that they were something i was doing to myself, and they were mostly about my own selfishness and immaturity.

i faced this brutal truth, went cold turkey on the person i was obsessed with at the time, and it was undoubtably the hardest thing i had ever done to date in my life at that time.

i had a few more brushed with obsession, but always walked away when i became aware i was repeating my pattern.

this happened around the age of 30 for myself, since i decided i wasn't going to be 30 and still doing the obsessive unrequited love thing.

since then i have had several long term relationships that didn't involve that dynamic, that involved mutuality.

the last 2 relationships i have had since i discovered my submissive nature are the most satisfying and joy filled of my life, and fully engaged me emotionally as much as the obsessive relationships, but in a mutual situation where i live a life of having and being, rather than pining and yearning.

give yourself the gift of a better life, and close the door on that relationship, and committ fully to finding only relationships where the other person wants you as much as you want them, and is willingn to give themselves to you.

~ scottish dove ~



RCdc -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 9:12:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Well your waiting ws most likely due to situations and not that Darcy didnt love you but someone else. Thats pretty much what the situation that we are referring to is they were just not that into us.


And there you go second guessing - and you know my boring repost on that one.  Darcy and I never offer thoughts on a post such as this that we have no experience of - what would the point of that be?  As before, never say never.  And rarely.
If relationships were really as people like to perceive them, then everyone would only be in successful ones - and constantly.
 
the.dark.



PsyVamp -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 11:02:13 AM)

 So Adelphus....

You have asked, and the people have spoken.  I hope it brings you some measure of comfort.

Perhaps the best way to wait, is not to wait at all.   Live your life to the best of your abilities.  If by some chance she comes back, then you have lost nothing.  If by chance she does not, then again, you have lost nothing.

Be well.

Lady Jag




marie2 -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 11:27:54 AM)

Not enough info to really say.

Have you asked her directly about whether or not there is a chance of something developing between the two of you?







RealSub58 -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 12:39:20 PM)

Life sucks, I am sorry for your pain.
 
Obviously her view and your view were different.  It seems she wasn't waiting for you.
Maybe it is because you are already in a non sexual relationship and she wants more than a bedroom sub with another committment.
 
If you wait, life passes you by and so do the little miracles that each day brings.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 12:44:49 PM)

WOW I whole heartedly disagree. Life is whatever you choose it to be.
Life may be a bitch but it doesn't suck unless you give in.
Most of the time it's great.[sm=boxer.gif][sm=brush.gif]



DesFIP -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 12:47:59 PM)

It's also a lot safer to obsess over someone you know will never be interested in then to ask people out and risk rejection. Many times when people claim they want relationships if you look at the barriers they put up, it's obvious they don't really want one.



porcelaine -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 1:22:22 PM)

i believe the.dark touched on something important, and out of all the posts i've read thus far hers hit home the most. *s*

it is impossible to answer your question. simply because every situation is different and people are quick to say what they will or won't due until they're facing the circumstances head on. your options are vast, but in the end you must choose the actions that feel most comfortable and you'll be able to stomach down the road. regret is a bitter pill to swallow, so take into account of what your heart truly longs for.

and yes, people do change their minds. sometimes circumstances, maturity, or uncertainty may play a part in a person opting to walk in a different direction. this isn't to say that she will never grace your doorstep again. but in the meantime, you must consider if you're okay with exploring your options and leaving the door open should she opt to return.

i rarely look back, but i can honestly say there are two that i would reconsider without a second thought. i wish you the best in this.

porcelaine



scottishdove -> RE: The love that won't go away. (4/12/2009 2:13:52 PM)

i am going to add one thing to what i posted earlier.

the act of being the proactive driver of your own life is the most valuable thing you can offer yourself.

to choose to value yourself enough to walk away from a situation where you are not valued enough, and to take the risk of seeking a mutual relationship where you will be valued, is an act of self discipline that strengthens the very foundations of your character, and puts you walking directly into a future where you can realize your dreams.

that is what that step did for me at 30. i make no claims for fast learning, that it has taken me till now (50) to finally be experiencing heart-soaring real and satisfying mutual relationships. but i never would have gotten there if i hadn't made that important step at 30.

i have just given you the shorthand version of what it took me 20 years to fully 'get'. i hope you can use it to get here faster than i did.

~ scottish dove ~



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