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Screw, or GET Screwed? - 1/29/2006 9:57:45 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
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How to Screw the Nursing Homes
(instead of letting them screw you)

When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. In today's dollars, the average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I've checked with Princess Cruise-Lines, and found out that I can get a long-term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. This would leave me with $65 a day, which should more than cover:

1. Gratuities.

2. Unlimited free meals fit for royalty, and even room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. As many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and free shows every night.

4. Free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat me like a customer, not a patient. A few extra dollars in tips out of my $65 might even have the staff scrambling to help me.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 to 21 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have my mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for my inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and I won't even have to ask for them.

9. If I fall in the nursing home and break my hip, I’m on Medicare; but if I fall and break a hip on the Princess ship, they will upgrade me to a suite.

10. I’ll get to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, Alaska, and other fun places.

11. And if I notify two of the staff of each new cruise about the $200 cash folded neatly inside my left rear pocket, I can pre-arrange for them to just dump my body over the side if I die on their ship. This way, I can screw the life insurance company and funeral director too! I can even cash in my life policy and spend the money I used to pay premiums with in the ships' casinos instead... and have even more fun! ...