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catize -> RE: Seriously (4/12/2009 4:50:42 PM)
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Lady Pact,
Seriously there are many people from every gender, every walk of life, and every orientation within the D/s context who have self esteem issues. Sometimes when someone comes across as having an over inflated ego we may perceive that as thinking too highly of themselves, when it very well may be the opposite.
But let us look at the structure of a D/s or M/s relationship in context of the discussion boards. There are those who take the capitalization of Mistress/Master/Dominant quite literally as well as the non-capitalization of submissive names. Let’s not forget the diminutives used to address us; it may seem trivial but there is a strong message there that we are not seen as adults.
How many discussions have we seen where the submissive members are struggling with the fact that they have, not just needs, but OMG! wants as well.
How many times have we read an excellent post by a submissive and no one responds; but a dominant comes along a page later, says the same thing, and suddenly there are numerous posts in support.
How many times has some jerk tried to insult us, tried to tell us we are not ‘good’ submissives if we
a.) top from the bottom (GRRRRR)
b.) don’t remember our ‘place’ (and I always wonder why dominants don’t need to be reminded of their place!)
c.) are a ‘do-me’ sub
d.) fail to show the ‘proper’ deference to the self titled dominant.
and, oh yeah, the one that is supposed to really make us care : you aren’t submissive enough for me!
Those of us who have a healthy self image can easily say ‘PFFFFFT!’ to such nonsense. But if one is struggling, I believe those messages add to the problem.
In my opinion, it is a difficult line to walk sometimes, to be at the (perceived) bottom of the dynamic yet know that we really are on even ground. Perhaps in protest I will start typing s/D to make a point! <grins>
I will share something from my childhood. I was in 5th grade and was the announcer for our spring chorus program. I received lots of praise from teachers, etc. after for doing a good job. I was quite thrilled about all the nice things said to me. My mother took me home and had me put my finger in a bowl of water and then take my finger out. She said, “See? You didn’t change that bowl of water one bit.” I have worked very hard and been successful in overcoming the message that I didn’t matter. It can be done!
So, Lady Pact, I do seriously thank you for the topic. I enjoyed the opportunity to write my thoughts!
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