RE: for all Dommes alike

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Lockit -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/13/2009 12:39:52 PM)
Oh yes... I was brought up to serve... shut up... be seen and not heard... cook, clean and sucky sucky behind closed doors, unspoken, but do so when told. lol It didn't work so well. Although I did give my all in trying. Somehow... growing up beating up on boys (bullies)... having a dad like mine... and being the sports fanatic I was and able to hit farther, be faster and all that... and seeing that my wisdom was just as good or better than a guys... just blended with the dominant nature I had and didn't blend well with another dominant natured person telling me what to do. After a while you just catch on... submission... obediance to things you cannot reason out isn't reasonable to you and dominance simply takes over! Then I was able to live true to myself rather than someone else and their rules.

DemonKia -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/13/2009 2:38:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper I'm curious about this also. I'm a male in a society which has always supported males dominating whatever they can. Society has never given me any flack about being dominant. In addition to the OP's questions, I'd like to know if any woman have struggled with who they are on account of social pressure? This is actually gonna be as brief an answer as I'm capable of on this subject, largely cuz I need to walk over to the thrift store right soon . . . . (But I had to get a quickie CM fix . . . lol) I was raised by an intellectual, feminist mother, & I was preternaturally aware of history, particularly from the perspective of children's & women's roles . . . . . So, for instance, when I went looking for female role models historically, it was tough . ... Basically, prior to the Enlightenment there were darn few, with a gradual increase thru the Industrial Revolution; the last century or so has seen an explosion in women's representation in all segments of society, thankfully . .. . . But nonetheless, when I looked for the female equivalent of Leonardo Da Vinci what I found instead was more like Artemisia Gentileschi's not-so-uplifting story . .. When I looked for the femme Shakespeare, I found Sappho, when I looked for Newton's & Galileo's sisters I found Hypatia . . . . & while knowing there were women throughout history struggling to follow their own intellectual paths, they weren't the same, no one knew who these women were, it wasn't the same . . . . . . Or discovering the reality that the closest to a 'modern woman's' life historically was the courtesans' lives, that they were the most likely to be educated & independent, two factors that were crucial to what I was seeking . . . . . . . This was significant, & somewhat heartbreaking . .. . . Heroes have always been important to me . ... But it was just prep for what was to come . ... . The number one way my 'dominance' has manifested is as an intellectual, & if I choose to dwell there I can see my intellectual's path as mountain climbing to the moon, an unending arduous task that is nothing but challenges . . . . . (& before we get too far into this I wanna pre-emptively [sm=giveup.gif] on the issue of me being a sexist pig -- yep, I am, I fully cop . ... . shrugs shoulders) & my experience has been that it is men in particular that can be most challenging about my 'authority' . . . . This is gonna get a little tangential, but . . . . . I've come to think that all the young ladies who choose to play dumb around the onset of adolescence, so that the boys will still like them, that they do those boys a huge disservice . . .. . I encounter the end product all the time, the now-adult guys who are so used to so many women rather automatically deferring to the guy's 'greater knowledge' that they have a very hard time dealing with me . .. . . I just never signed up for that whole game, & I have quite the formidable knowledge base . . . . . I can be unrelenting in logical argumentation on topics I know with some facility . . . . I can & do take great pleasure in righteously beating the intellectual shit out of some moron who thinks s/he is all that, & those particular guys, the ones who are so used to all the chicks around them going all deferential & 'stupid' . ... . Well, yeah, those guys & I, that can be fun . . .. . (Nota bene: Anymore, I only engage with those who are open to learning something new, I 'negotiate' these things in advance, largely cuz I got zero interest in arguing with yahoos who willfully, even proudly, choose ignorance . . . . ) &, yeah, just in general I get a certain amount of that 'tentative bull must challenge confident bull' kinda stuff . . . . . I mostly just use my 'judo energy management' skills in those scenarios . . . . . . . But. On the other hand, that which does not kill me makes me stronger -- yeah, that crazy German was onto something there, it sure works for me. I would not be the powerful person I am today if it were not for the character building of all that adversity. I'd not be the careful logician I am without the regular scaldings in ignorance & chaotic thinking. & if I'd found those femme historical figures right off the bat I might never have plunged as deeply into history as I ultimately have . . .. .. shrugs shoulders again . . . . . Life is a process, it's what I make of it that matters . . . . . . Thanks for asking, good question . ... . .

KaramelGoddess -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/14/2009 7:32:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper quote: ORIGINAL: kinkme43 Out of curiosity, I'm sending out a question to all the Dommes out there..... How did you come to be one? Was it merely a choice, a preference, or just something you were "born" to do? Do you think it's possible at all for someone to gradually make themselves into one? Or is it one of those things you can't really teach someone? I'm curious about this also. I'm a male in a society which has always supported males dominating whatever they can. Society has never given me any flack about being dominant. In addition to the OP's questions, I'd like to know if any woman have struggled with who they are on account of social pressure? I live in a very narrow-minded and conservative part of the world. The lack of play partners and suitable submissives here made me change my tack in dealing with men and I became (for lack of a better word) vanilla for almost a year. I had no problems in finding suitors. What I discovered is that I was unhappy in a vanilla role - hated it actually. Now I'm drawn again to being a Domina and I'm rediscovering myself, because I need to and want to. It's going to take some time and serious effort...! I've had to keep the Domina part of me secret and that's caused more internal damage than anything. I'm praying for a fruitful and happy new beginning. Best Always, ~Kara

AAkasha -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/14/2009 7:47:01 PM)
I sometimes have a hard time separating "assertive aspects of my personality" from the fact that I am, at the core, wildly sadistic and kinky. I have fetishes, and I have an "assertive personality." I sometimes don't even know if they are related or just a coincidence. But I am not a control freak by nature. I don't have to be the loudest person in a group, or always the one in charge. I work well in teams. I consider myself observant and intuitive, and the reality is, in the real world, sometimes the best way to get someone to do what you want is to let them think they are in charge. I make a good living, often, being in a role to provide service, but also provide counsel. But I don't let people walk on me, I am not timid and I am tenacious and ambitious to a fault. Still, I have NO idea if these are related to my kinky side. My kinky side is like being a werewolf. Or a vampire. As silly as I think those metaphors are. I am sweet, affectionate and loving. I am gentle and kind. However, there are some days out of the month, for whatever reason, I want to be intensely sadistic and cruel (to a willing partner) in a physical manner, with a very heavy emphasis on bondage and humiliation. I can pass on orgasms for days on end if it's the choice between getting a man to SUBMIT and having an orgasm (luckily, I don't have to choose; I am just illustrating how compelling the 'urge' is). There are some days that I am fairly casual about it -and while bondage imagery or a man kneeling may get a "perk" out of me, it's nothing like the compulsion I have on some days to get my itch scratched. Since my pre-teen years that urge has been present, both characterized in sexual and non sexual ways. Submission, bondage, kink. I can't recall NOT feeling like this. Akasha

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/15/2009 7:08:03 AM)
quote: How did you come to be one? Was it merely a choice, a preference, or just something you were "born" to do? Do you think it's possible at all for someone to gradually make themselves into one? Or is it one of those things you can't really teach someone? As I say in my profile, I'm more of a "Yoda" than a "Lady Heather", so take this in consideration of that perspective. I came into my dominance from the bottom up. I started out as a servant, and worked my way up in the hierarchy of our household. This lifestyle wasn't my first experience with leadership, though, and I think I've always been a leader, as I've typically started out among the ranks and ended up in positions of leadership, particularly in training positions. I am also an introvert, though, so much of my "leadership" I think it -is- possible to gradually make oneself into a leader, by making the hard choices and taking on the larger responsibilities as options come open. To me, more than anything else, domination is a task of leadership, and so shaping oneself into leadership positions means being comfortable with carrying a larger load of responsibility and a greater desire to expand one's learning to stay ahead of the game. I think that there are some people who just can't be trained to be dominant/leader type people. They are followers by nature, and will generally prefer to have someone else making the decisions. However, in a crisis, even these folks can rise to the occasion... however, they will generally prefer to return to a more externally-directed way of life once things settle down.

Tantriqu -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/15/2009 7:26:34 AM)
When I was a little girl, there was a TV pilot where a smart, cute, male doctor refused to believe in magic and witchcraft, until with 'proof' before him, he knelt before a white wizard, and said with belief, fear and excitement in his voice, 'Master'. Seeing him kneel and hearing him say that with such feeling made me feel all funny down there...I was 18 before I discovered why. My first 'real' boyfriend and I were vanilla. We went away on vacation, and alone for a week, of course spent most of it making out. We tried 69 for the first time; he came, I didn't. He shrugged and said it was my own fault for initiating it, and went for a shower. After stewing for a moment, I followed him in, forced him to his knees, and fucked his face. The orgasm was extremely powerful, but I almost drowned him! he probably still has dents from my fingertips in his skull. He handed me out, carefully dried me off, and supported me on my shaking legs to the edge of the bed. I wondered how I was going to apologise without feeling I should, when he knelt and told me how exciting that was to him, and proceeded to eat me out again: properly, this time. I was fucking his ass within a month, and never looked back or compromised since. Even with men where the relationship has begun as vanilla, they have all been grateful and eager to submit sexually; cops and profs are the most promising professions so far. We seem to pick each other. Beauty!

MissEnchanted -> RE: for all Dommes alike (4/15/2009 7:53:11 AM)
Lockit, I laughed when I read what you wrote here. I can SO relate! [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit When you read fairytales and she relates to GoldieLocks and the three bears and Princess and the pea... you might consider you have a dominant. When she learns that boys can be led by their cock and laughs... almost for sure you have a dominant. When half the debate team won't debate her... could be a dominant. When throughout life she decides that no one can tell her what to do and artfully makes sure that doesn't happen... you have a dominant. For many... it starts really friggin early much to the dismay of a number of parents and siblings. You might consider finishing school at that point, but don't be surprised when she starts teaching the classes. [8\|] Being dominant wasn't a choice for me. What I did in dominance was.

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