Andalusite
Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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I'd suggest taking out this part: "Let's try a new profile, the old one is boring. Simply stated," since it is a very weak opening.
You should probably replace the comma in "I'm very diverse in my interests," with a period. I'd also take out the part about "I'd be lying," and rephrase it in a positive way. Even though you said you _aren't_ boring and _aren't_ lying, putting negative words like that in reference to yourself/your profile can work against you. I think that in general you can tighten up the phrasing in a more interesting and shorter way, while still getting across the same information. In general, it looks pretty good! I think that putting in "female supremacy" can be seen as a negative here, since most of the Dommes (at least in the forums) aren't into it, and it implies that you're easy and will submit to anything with tits, rather than because *she* is special, IMHO. Like FullfigRIMaam, I found the list of personality traits a little odd - generally, people aren't looking for a stubborn submissive, or a cynical one (even if tempered with optimism). I would change or take out your forum signature - I think it comes across as way too frat-boyish.
Overall, it's a very good profile, just a couple of minor things to make it a little better. However, I don't think that is going to broaden your appeal much. It's already quite good, so it's more likely that people aren't contacting or responding to you for other reasons, such as kink incompatibilities, location, age, or whatever, that you can't change.
< Message edited by Andalusite -- 4/15/2009 8:24:26 AM >
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RE: Profile reviews? - .gif){kind=avatar}
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