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BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 3:13:15 PM   
darklight17


Posts: 103
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline 		I'm just a bit upset at the responses I get about my profile not being serious. Certainly I expect that what I'm asking for (a meaningful relationship) won't go over well with those seeking flings or various other things. I'm completely fine with that. I think that people should seek whatever they are comfortable with. Unfortunately, I don't think that it's impossible to have D/s desires and still want something out of this world as far as love. Yeah, I'm fucking weird, I homeschooled, I work for myself for a living, and all that great stuff, but I just feel that people writing you to tell you that you aren't right for "this site" are perhaps being too judgemental. I would never write someone and tell them that being a financial Domme makes them a whore, or that being into polygamy makes them less pure, so why do some people have to pick on me? I just have a black and white dream and a vague vision like anyone else, and want to meet the person who fills in the color...please don't send me hate about it!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 3:25:17 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		There is a lot of rudeness in this somewhat anonymous place (the internet).  Just delete and block if someone sends you "hate".  Coming out and acting/speaking like a victim, begging people to be accepting of you,  is only going to attract more of what you don't want.

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 3:28:44 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Keep your vision and ignore the utter strangers that try and get a rise out of you.

Seriously. You will get all sorts of people writing you, some for kicks and some wanting to connect. Some want a one time off, and some want more. You cannot control what type of person writes to you but you can control how you react! They are not worth worrying over and most certainly are not worth changing yourself over.

I wish you luck, sometimes it takes awhile to find what you want.. sometimes you will need to compromise in areas. But for me that is part of the good, finding ways to blend two into something good and solid.

Welcome to CM by the way!


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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to darklight17)
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RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 3:56:22 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darklight17

I'm just a bit upset at the responses I get about my profile not being serious. Certainly I expect that what I'm asking for (a meaningful relationship) won't go over well with those seeking flings or various other things. I'm completely fine with that. I think that people should seek whatever they are comfortable with. Unfortunately, I don't think that it's impossible to have D/s desires and still want something out of this world as far as love. Yeah, I'm fucking weird, I homeschooled, I work for myself for a living, and all that great stuff, but I just feel that people writing you to tell you that you aren't right for "this site" are perhaps being too judgemental. I would never write someone and tell them that being a financial Domme makes them a whore, or that being into polygamy makes them less pure, so why do some people have to pick on me? I just have a black and white dream and a vague vision like anyone else, and want to meet the person who fills in the color...please don't send me hate about it!

Your first post... so welcome.

I think the World is stiffed full of hate and skepticism... i take it head on here on the forums when i can be bothered. And yet having said that there's still support and friendship when you need it even though it doesn't always look like you expect it too.

And good for you for wanting it all and not settlinf for anything less. Good luck in your search.



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(in reply to darklight17)
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RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 4:03:19 PM   
KneelforAnne


Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Keep the faith, right?


(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 4:41:41 PM   
MzCalisto


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I understand what you are going through.  I am looking for a sub with the goal of a LT relationship.  Yet, I get contacted by married subs/slaves and those who only want a quick session.  That is not Me, it is not what I am looking for.  I also do not fit the "mold".

Ignore those who try and quiet you because you don't fit in their idea of BDSM.  Trust Me, keep the faith and you will find what you are looking for.  Good Luck!

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 4:44:27 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		darklight17, I applaud you.  There are a lot of people who do not feel that love and BDSM are a good mix.  It is good that you are in touch with your feelings about not wanting a one night stand or fling.  Just remember, there are all types out there - some will agree with you, some won't.  Just stick by what you know is right for you and the right partner will come along.

_____________________________



(in reply to MzCalisto)
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RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 5:48:32 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		This is the internet.  I suggest you grow a thicker skin if you wish to be on the internet.  There will always be people who are here to do nothing but make waves. 



(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 5:57:51 PM   
naughtysubK


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think I could fully submit to someone I didn't have strong feelings for.  casual play is different,  but I really couldn't call someone Master if I didn't have feelings for that approach love

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 5:59:28 PM   
wisdomofgiving


Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2009
Status: offline 		I do wish you luck on your journey of finding what you are looking for. Perhaps a good sense of humor might help too, cause I would assume most people get a lot of these types of cmail. I know that I do and I just chuckle. To many other things demand my attention for me to get crazed by the cmails.  As far as knowing what you want, that imo is awesome, and a great start.

Best of luck
wisdomofgiving

_____________________________

Though my heart will always be connect to the ocean winds, my mind is now learning about the wisdom of giving.

once and always an oceanwynds and now wisdomofgiving

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 6:45:52 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome darklight17.

Yes, the internet isn't necessarily a friendly place and some of the people that hang out on CM can be rude...none of which should be a surprise.

I took the time to perv your profile and I have to say I really like it.  Of course, I like when a person takes the time to express themselves and provide a somewhat well-rounded view of who they are and what they want.  You've succeeded in both quite eloquently.  I might also add that I enjoyed the poem...yours?

What isn't attractive is coming to a place such as this (the forums) and complaining about how people aren't taking you serious.  Is it really necessary that everyone does?  Does it really bother you that various words typed on a computer screen by a stranger have such an effect on you?  I get the impression that you have more going for you than a desperate need for the approval of strangers. 
Let it roll like water off a duck's back.  Stay true to what you want and ignore the haters. 

I also am back into the looking game and searching for a, heaven forbid, relationship based on love/trust/mutual benefit.  I've learned I don't do casual play very well. I do understand your frustrations. Try to keep a sense of humor about all of this nonsense.  Just don't let it make you bitter or too cynical before the fun begins.

I do wish you the best...chin up, chap!

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 4/14/2009 6:47:42 PM >

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 7:01:57 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		There have been a lot of these kinds of threads lately and I can only say one thing.....

Yes, yes, yes it is absolutely possible to find who you are looking for and truly be happy out of the amassed people on this site. I will give the same pointers I have given before. First of all, I took a great deal of time learning about myself, my need within a relationship, and what kind of person would be suitable for me. Next, I was not passive in the process of finding good partners. I read profiles and fished around a bit. I only contacted three people on my own and all have since become good friends to me, and more. You are not stuck with just the selection that floods your inbox. You can make your own way through the jungle as well. Last, but not least, this is a life best lived in the living, breathing, real world. Once you've had the real thing, everything else just falls flat. Get out there. Find local people around you that you can interact with and learn from. Who knows? You just might also find someone very special along the way. After all, this site is not the only pond from which you can fish!

As for love, I can honestly say I don't find it to be easily given in this life and certainly a treasure to prize when it is offered. Some don't need love. I, for one, do and I value it highly when someone is cautious to go there. Some people's love is a cheap thing, others it is a very costly thing indeed. I wish you all the best in your search!

lovingpet


(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 7:19:26 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		It's P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E but not very likely ... at least in my experience. Blame me perhaps. Blame then. Dunno. Don't blame anyone. It's what it is. I'd say, if you're a guy (I didn't check), resign yourself to the fact that you'll need to fish a while; and if you're a gal, simply assume 9 out of 10 responses are from morons and treat them as such.

What you're left with are the one, or two folks that are worth conversing with and then meeting. If you meet more than one or two, then I'd say you're on a roll that most of us (at least us guys) don't enjoy so keep at them. Put your focus on those one or two decent folks that you have textual chemistry with ... and manage those one or two textual relationships into real relationships.

Having said that, I find Craigslist tremendously more successful a method for finding like-minded partners. In the end, who you meet and what she/he's like is what will determine whether the relationship sticks ... but for sheer meeting of real living breathing human beings ... collarme sucks (in a word) compared to c'list. Sorry to be the bearer of the bad news and, well, I'm sure others here will have better experiences than I ... although I'm living in a haven of kink so I would think my experience holds true for the bulk of the "regular" guys out there. Again, women are about as opposite an experience as can be from the men, but, in the end, they too, in the end run, even with the hundred-to-one ratio they enjoy in responses to their ads, they too suffer from meeting "quality" guys (like us, right?) ... :) ...

:(

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 7:26:07 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darklight17
I'm just a bit upset at the responses I get about my profile not being serious....


*blinks*  Sheez, and to me it seemed like one of the more serious profiles I'd ever read.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 7:27:07 PM   
ReverendJim


Posts: 43
Joined: 4/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darklight17

I'm just a bit upset at the responses I get about my profile not being serious. Certainly I expect that what I'm asking for (a meaningful relationship) won't go over well with those seeking flings or various other things. I'm completely fine with that. I think that people should seek whatever they are comfortable with. Unfortunately, I don't think that it's impossible to have D/s desires and still want something out of this world as far as love. Yeah, I'm fucking weird, I homeschooled, I work for myself for a living, and all that great stuff, but I just feel that people writing you to tell you that you aren't right for "this site" are perhaps being too judgemental. I would never write someone and tell them that being a financial Domme makes them a whore, or that being into polygamy makes them less pure, so why do some people have to pick on me? I just have a black and white dream and a vague vision like anyone else, and want to meet the person who fills in the color...please don't send me hate about it!


You ain't weird,you know what you want and as for not being right for "this site",how many of the idiots with time to spare to poison pen you would stand up to the public scrutiny they are avoiding?
Hate is a mind killer,those who pick on others are called bullies and are almost always deeply insecure,you should deal with them accordingly,it's a shame that the site is so commercial because jerks like that should be outed and dispatched,I mean,WTF right does any fucker have to tell YOU that you're not right for this site and NOT be subject to scrutiny? (except the management of course obviously)
I love your post,and any asshole that says you can't have what you want is talking shit and knows nothing about people.

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 7:29:18 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

First of all, I took a great deal of time learning about myself, my need within a relationship, and what kind of person would be suitable for me.


I just had to comment on the above philosophy in order to underscore it, as I feel that while it's such an incredibly simple and vital idea in one's journey, it's one that is quite often lost in the sensation circus. Needless to say, well said!

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 8:04:16 PM   
darklight17


Posts: 103
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I want to thank everyone for the comments and replies. I'm actually a bit shocked that everyone was quite polite, and even the sentiments which I disagreed with were put forth in a decent manner. I appreciate all the positive sentiments, and the ones about thick skin, well I just don't have it. It's okay though because everyone will get a free shot without some superifical wall. Unfortunately I do understand why some people have those walls. If only everyone was as open-minded as the cm freaks (I say freak loosely, please don't be offended). Also, I didn't mean to post blindly, I do have a picture on my profile that got approved, so it isn't just a name spewing words. Thanks again everyone.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 8:32:30 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Darklight
Welcome to CM! I think you will find that few of the forum members are into sending random hatemail (we have political threads for that, lol). Hatemail usually comes from people on the other side who are seriously insecure, or "keyboard warriors" who get their jollies sending random insults or trying to be "Domlier/sublier than thou" by telling people that they are "doing BDSM wrong", which is a crock of shit in a lifestyle where the rules are whatever the people within the relationship decide. That said, there is absolutely nothing wrong or even uncommon about what you are seeking, as many here are looking for the same thing.

Most of us get at least the occasional random hate in our inboxes. Personally, I rarely bother to fart in the direction of a person who sends such drivel unless I'm mightily bored. I have found, though, that most of the time when I do reply, "Keyboard Rambo" has either already blocked me, or deletes the reply unread. Why on earth would I let someone that chickenshit bother me? LOL Don't let 'em bother you either.



_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 9:13:18 PM   
groovychick67


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/3/2009
Status: offline 		darklight17,

Don't be discouraged, what you are seeking is beautiful and more satisfying than anything else in this world. Some people view BDSM as non-sexual and feel that you should have no feelings of love for the person(s) you practice with. The great thing actually is that there is no "one size fits all" to this delightful expression of power and pain. If you choose to seek a partner that you can love while together exploring what this avenue has to offer then I think that you should not let anyone or any words deter you.

I spent 14 years in a marriage that did not satisfy me sexually, emotionally, or intellectually, mostly because I didn't know exactly who I was and what I needed in a relationship. After a divorce I figured it out and it led me to the man that I am with now and a freedom to explore every area of sexuality we choose. It is the most fulfilling moment in my life to be with someone who gives me everything I need.

You are so far ahead of the game that you will save yourself alot of the heartache the rest of us had to go through discovering about ourselves what you already seem to know.

You will find what you are seeking.

(in reply to darklight17)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: BDSM and love - 4/14/2009 9:16:12 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

First of all, I took a great deal of time learning about myself, my need within a relationship, and what kind of person would be suitable for me.


I just had to comment on the above philosophy in order to underscore it, as I feel that while it's such an incredibly simple and vital idea in one's journey, it's one that is quite often lost in the sensation circus. Needless to say, well said!


Thank you! It is very important and I think this poster happens to have actually NOT skipped this step, though it should be one that continues throughout the process as things become even better defined over time and experience.

lovingpet

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 20
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