Want2TrainU
Posts: 1
Joined: 4/12/2009
Status: offline
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Hi, everybody. I'm new here, and fairly new to the scene. I've played a bit, mostly with my wife. Our styles are extremely different - as a sub, she wants a dom to earn her respect by physically forcing her obedience. I'm not averse to that (obviously), but I'm more of the school of thought that a sub should want to obey, and either need punishment as correction or desire punishment because they really want it. I know there are continual power struggles and games played by many subs, and that's one thing, I just don't think I should have to bring out the heavy guns just to get the word master out of her mouth. Being new to this, that, as all my theories of how this works, are subject to change a bit, but her style also brings up a concern when playing with a new sub. When playing with someone new who wants that level of force before they give any obedience or respect at all, how does a dom avoid "college sex morning after syndrome", i.e., consent withdrawn after the fact? Obviously, play with people I know, that's a given, but it's still a concern. My wife and I have agreed that we both need to go outside our marriage to get what we need in a D/s context, and I've been upfront in profiles etc. about the fact that she exists, and any sub that comes in is a welcome part of our lives (even though my wife wouldn't play with her, she'd play with her own dom), and not a homewrecker. I feel like I've scared off people that I might have clicked with, and certainly people I could have learned a bit from, with that, but I also don't want to throw out "hey, I'm married by the way" after I've gotten to know someone and have them feel like I've been lying or cheated them out of something they had a right to know. Many questions, few answers. I've read the standard primers (SM101, etc.) but there's much more to be learned from conversations than books, once a person has a bit of background. I've gone well beyond an intro here, I suppose, so if this thread needs to be moved, mea culpa. Is it unreasonable to expect that some subs generally want to obey and don't need to be wrangled from the start? Is it unreasonable to expect that honesty about being married is a positive thing? I'm trying to get involved in the local community, to the extent there is one, but that's a slow process. I'm eager to learn, and eager to gain some more experience, and I'm not sure if short-term play partners, learning from an experienced dom, or a combination of both is the answer to that. Incidentally, I'm fairly open, at this point the hard limits I have are breath play (wouldn't dream of it unless I was trained by someone who had practiced it extensively, and maybe not even then), electricity straight from a mains socket (battery-based electricity play I'd try for the right sub who really really wanted it), and probably watersports. Again, that last might be dependent on a sub who really needed it to feel fulfilled, but it's not something I'd actively look for or ask for from a sub. Those aren't even hard limits, I suppose, so much as personal feelings towards different types of play. All responses welcome, from hihowyadoing to "here's how I got started".
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New to this... Know what I want... Need to learn how t... - 
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