sexual orientation and BDSM

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

sexual orientation and BDSM

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> sexual orientation and BDSM

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/14/2009 9:32:48 PM

Danibelle

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline

I'm having conflicting views on my sexual orientation.

I HAVE been attracted to women in the past, but only a handful total for as far back as I can remember. In contrast, I see several men every day that I'm attracted too. I've also never had a strong desire to be with a woman. For this reason I always tended to consider myself as straight with a higher than your average straight girl appreciation for the female body.

Recently I developed what I like to call a "girl crush" on one of my coworkers. I like her and I find her physically attractive, but I don't have a strong desire to DO anything- just a little desire every now and then.

Also, I recently fulfilled one of my fantasies and watched my boyfriend, who is far more into the lifestyle than I am, top a girl. The whole night was fantastic and I'm so glad I went ahead and pursued this. I wound up getting a little involved, with the encouragement of my boyfriend AND his partner, and joined in a bit with some light spanking. I found myself EXTREMELY turned on. I'm just not sure if it was attraction to this female, the act itself, or the connection I felt with my boyfriend at that moment.

Has anyone else felt like this? Are labels even necessary? Opinions? Feelings?

I'm not looking for an answer to my questions about myself, simply to see if there's someone who I can chat with about this and feel like I'm not completely alone in being so confused.

_____________________________

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/14/2009 9:40:24 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I don'tknow if labels are necessary for you.
They are for me and anyone with whom I relate in a way that their behaviors could impact me.
In my own use of terms, I consider sexual attraction to the same sex to be a bi- inclination.
What makes you think you may wish/need to alter your self-perceotion of your orientation?
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Danibelle)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/14/2009 10:46:17 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

~FR~

One of my friends who feels that way identifies as 'heteroflexible' if that's any help.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/14/2009 11:42:04 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Danibelle

Are labels even necessary?

Eventually, perhaps...if only to communicate things to others if you find yourself towards that direction. Aside from that, the discoveries are learning information on their own. Try not to get too caught up in whether you should feel this or that (and what it means) and just keep shaping the construct of the things that do move you.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Danibelle)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/15/2009 5:06:08 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

I agree, try "heteroflexible".. which to Me, means "I'm straight.. but I'm not obsessive about it, and I'm open minded", lol.
Then go ahead and do what makes you happy. Don't worry about labeling it, worry more about doing what's healthy for you.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/15/2009 5:40:47 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Danibelle,
First of all, brava to you for being so open and curious and willing to try new things. You will find on this site that most dislike labeling themselves, but I think I understand why you are anxious to do so. It's so exciting when you first stumble on these ideas/people and you are looking for a label as a sort of compass to guide you down that road where you are more likely to discover the things most suited for you (as opposed to taking the wrong road where not many things will interest you).

Exploration and education is truly the best way to find out who you are and what you like/dislike.

My advice is NOT to label yourself, because when you do that, 1. You can almost subconsciously close yourself off to experiences that may not fall under that particular category.
2. People tend to make certain assumptions about your preferences and practices and may feel hesitant to approach you because, based on your "label" you must certainly not be interested in what they have to offer because it doesn't fall under that particular category.

Read these boards, alot. Almost every subject under the sun has been covered here. Use the search function alot!
Sometimes things are much much hotter in our sick little fantasies and when we try and bring them out into the world, they don't work so well. Sometimes they exceed our wildest expectations.
You mentioned the other night with your boyfriend and the other girl but you didn't mention if you had sexual relations with her or have ever actually been directly sexual with a girl.
Try it once or ten times and see if you like it.
Hell try everything under the sun to see if you like it, throw it all in a pot and make your own label!

Of course, I could be completely wrong but I hope this helped a little!
Good luck!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SirJ40)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: sexual orientation and BDSM - 4/15/2009 6:19:01 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

~FR~

One of my friends who feels that way identifies as 'heteroflexible' if that's any help.

I call myself "ambisexterous".

Labels are for our convenience. When they begin limiting our perceptions of ourselves, well, then I think it may be time to ditch the labels.

As for the OP, yes, I was in similar situations when I first started exploring my sexuality. I came into adulthood not even knowing that it was possible to be interested in someone of the same gender, so my first explorations were tentative... on a positive note, not knowing that there was a taboo about it and not knowing that it was something "strange" also left the door wide open for me to not have to face discomfort or try to kid myself about what I was experiencing at first.

Good luck, duckie. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your sexuality, and find pleasure where it presents. Just because we feel something doesn't mean we're necessarily going to act on it, so just move at the pace that works for you.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to aravain)

Profile

Post #: 7