RE: Can someone give me a clue?

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/16/2009 5:15:15 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PolyAna

To cut a long story short i'm in a poly relationship and i have found mail sent from my dom off my cmail account to another sub. Basically the mail said 'i am your master so give me your phone number'.
I had no idea he may be looking for another sub and i'm pretty sure my sister sub did not know either. Now i know that the mail doesn't neccesarily mean he is cheating but it certainly looks like it.
My question is do i tell my sister sub what is going on?
If i don't i will have to lie to her about why i am walking away and i would feel terrible for that. But if i do and i'm wrong, which i doubt i risk upsetting her for nothing.
Normally i would stay well away from telling anyone anything like this but we have grown close, we are friends and i just really don't know what to do for the best.

You answered your question. Stay far away

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/17/2009 1:00:02 PM

chamberqueen

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PolyAna, I recommend talking with your Master first. It is him that you serve.

The whole thing sounds too fishy. Why would he use YOUR account to send the email? Why use a woman's profile to entice another woman. Someone wouldn't need your password if you were already signed in or if your account is set up to automatically use the password so those aren't necessarily valid points.

I ended up deleting my profile from CM because of email games that people were playing. Anyone that had access to your computer could have sent that email. It would not have had to have been your Master but could be someone posing as him in order to hurt the relationship between the two of you. If he is innocent, going to someone else first is a betrayal of his trust.

When you bring it up to him I recommend not being confrontational, but more like. "You know, I found the strangest thing on my computer. Someone used my CM account to send an email to a sub demanding her phone number because he was her Master". Then let him respond.

I read a great article once on how the strongest poly relationships work. The recommendation was for the women (assuming a male led relationship) should never speak against the man to each other, run him down, or gossip behind his back but should take their issues directly to him. If you chose to go to your sister sub first you could be planting seeds of doubt in her mind before you even know what the truth is. That just sounds like too dumb of a mistake for the average Master to make, and too easy for you to find out about. I strongly recommend finding out the facts first. Look for the time stamp on the sent email and ask yourself if he would have been online at that time. If it was while he was at work and you know he can't log onto CM at work then that should help to remove any suspicion from your mind.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/17/2009 6:47:42 PM

GhostWhoWalks

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Just my opinion, but yes. you should tell her.
I hate to use such a trite phrase as, "Two wrongs don't make a right.", but just because your Dom may not be honest with the two of you is no reason you shouldn't be as honest and up front with your sister-slave as your Dom hasn't been with you.
Just my opinion. your mileage may vary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PolyAna

To cut a long story short i'm in a poly relationship and i have found mail sent from my dom off my cmail account to another sub. Basically the mail said 'i am your master so give me your phone number'.
I had no idea he may be looking for another sub and i'm pretty sure my sister sub did not know either. Now i know that the mail doesn't neccesarily mean he is cheating but it certainly looks like it.
My question is do i tell my sister sub what is going on?
If i don't i will have to lie to her about why i am walking away and i would feel terrible for that. But if i do and i'm wrong, which i doubt i risk upsetting her for nothing.
Normally i would stay well away from telling anyone anything like this but we have grown close, we are friends and i just really don't know what to do for the best.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/18/2009 7:24:30 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

and as you are into poly...is it not the more the merrier anyway?

Ok, this is a HUGE misconception. Being poly does -not- mean that someone is available to or open to just anyone! Of all the poly relationships I've know after 25 years in the poly community (both mainstream and BDSM), most of the relationships have been _closed_ poly families. Only around a quarter, give or take, have been what I call "open" poly, where a member of the household could bring in another partner without having it be agreed upon by all the members of the family.

Poly does not mean "promiscuous", it means "capable of loving more than one person and building a family with more than one adult beloved".

To the OP: I would reiterate that open communication is the only solution to this situation. If you need to leave after you've discussed this with the man involved, at that point, I would say something to your other female companion, but until you know what is going on or know that he's been caught out breaking your compact, it would only serve to cause potentially un-necessary worry and stress for your female friend/companion.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 4/18/2009 7:26:36 AM >

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/18/2009 7:39:32 AM

Cyntilating

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Don't assume
Get the facts from the source.
Communication is always key.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/18/2009 10:19:30 PM

antipode

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quote:

Normally i would stay well away from telling anyone

So do the normal thing, don't look for an exception - apart from anything else, you're not privy to what is going on. You can always talk to her afterwards. In general, you should take care of yourself first, instead of being manipulative with others. If you're going to walk, walk.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/19/2009 6:01:41 AM

MsFlutter

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Saving the papertrail is useful...

Click on SENT mail.
Find that outgoing message on the list.
Put an X in the box to the left of that message.
Click on SAVE.
A copy of the mail will be sent to your registered email address.
(registered email address can be changed by clicking on MY ACCOUNT)

Since you can see an outbound message, search the RECEIVED messages for an answer from that screenname. If any are found, SAVE it the same way by sending it to your registered email address.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/19/2009 8:48:05 AM

InTonguesslave

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hi,

first i would ask if he has given you any reason to believe that he is unhappy with you. (bear with me)
are there things that you and youre sis have difficulties with that would cause him to find someone who would do them for him and/or help you and youre sis with it, im thinking bi play here.

it is entirely possible that he is seeking another slave but until he finds the right one he has chosen not to involve you. but this statement can only stand up as a possible explanation if youre dynamic is such that you are not included in any decisions that he might make about his plans for everyones future. however, if everyone is to get on, if everyone is to be suited and happy then i would think it requires everyone to be involved from the outset.

he used youre account to contact her:
it may just be that he forgot which account he was logged into - which means you have caught him in the act of approaching someone else, but consider the above before you react too badly.
if he has done this to get rid of you then he is a gutless scumbag and you deserve better.
my other thought is that he just gets off on mindfucks and thats all this is, trouble with that of course is that the sub he's writing to is an unwitting victim and thats unacceptable.

right now you dont know whats going on and i would suggest that you ask to talk to him about it (calmly) and go from there.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 4/19/2009 8:55:53 AM >

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/19/2009 9:39:14 AM

Rubberdime

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Have it out with all parties involved. IMO anyway.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/19/2009 10:10:49 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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You should talk to him about it before telling others about when you don't really know what is going on. Confront him about it and go from there.

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RE: Can someone give me a clue? - 4/19/2009 10:26:41 AM

peppermint

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quote:

Basically the mail said 'i am your master so give me your phone number'.

Basically I would question the maturity of a Master who would claim ownership before having a phone number and talking on the phone. Then I would question why I am with this immature man. Then I'd be looking for a new Master, one with maturity and without silly arrogance.

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