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A slave/sub's first. - 1/30/2006 10:45:00 PM

kitalya

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/26/2005
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this is my first post so be kind lol. A lot of Dom/mes have mentioned that a sub or slave who is new will usually fall for their first trainer or Sir. There was even an article if i am correct on a website that said, quote on quote, that we are soft hearted and easily give it to those that sometimes don't deserve it. i wanted to know if this was actually very common indeed, or just something that was said to make the way someone feels typical and unrealistic. (Not from the website, but from the Dom/me's perspective.) That in turn, also brings up another question, how does a Sir deal with the knowledge of it all, and take on a sub/slave knowing they could so easily fall in "love?" It must take patience and time to make sure that there is no harm on both sides. At least i'd like to think so. Then again, wouldn't be the first time i've been wrong.

One last note, my heart aches for some who have posted on here. They're sadness radiates from their post, and it is unfair to feel such pain and to be treated so coldly and cruelly. With that said, i understand that maybe we are a bit too soft hearted.

keep smiling,
kitalya

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/30/2006 10:53:58 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

One last note, my heart aches for some who have posted on here. They're sadness radiates from their post, and it is unfair to feel such pain and to be treated so coldly and cruelly. With that said, i understand that maybe we are a bit too soft hearted.

keep smiling,
kitalya
===============

you sound like a nice lady.

welcome to the boards.

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/30/2006 11:14:37 PM

LessThanKate

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

That in turn, also brings up another question, how does a Sir deal with the knowledge of it all, and take on a sub/slave knowing they could so easily fall in "love?"

i think a lot of Dom/mes who aren't necessarily professional leave the option of a real LTR open when deciding to train or take on a sub. in my case, my Dom was the first Man i really submitted to and yes, i did fall in love with Him. He told me that He, too, was looking for something real, and that my falling for Him was a fabulous addition, not a burden to dissuade Him beforehand.

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/30/2006 11:32:15 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

some times...not often...but at times..

i envy folks like you..being able to find love.

i am just one that i can not allow myself this offer.

take care
ya sound like a nice gal.

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 8:00:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitalya
i wanted to know if this was actually very common indeed, or just something that was said to make the way someone feels typical and unrealistic.

It's very common that subs, in the beginning, will experience a "sub frenzy" that comes from being overwhelmed and thrilled and needy to finally experience what they have always dreamed- without understanding that their dreams are not very realistic and that many people are more than willing to tell them exactly what they want to hear to get them sucked in.

Are subs more soft hearted and all that other stuff? No. We're just like everyone else.

quote:

, how does a Sir deal with the knowledge of it all, and take on a sub/slave knowing they could so easily fall in "love?" It must take patience and time to make sure that there is no harm on both sides. At least i'd like to think so. Then again, wouldn't be the first time i've been wrong.

Love depends on the person. For many people, love enhances their relationship, is the foundation of it and is the reason they CAN open up to eachother as deeply as they do.

quote:

One last note, my heart aches for some who have posted on here. They're sadness radiates from their post, and it is unfair to feel such pain and to be treated so coldly and cruelly. With that said, i understand that maybe we are a bit too soft hearted.

keep smiling,
kitalya

Not soft hearted- just using bad judgement. Remember, they all consented freely and happily to their situations. That doesn't mean I have no sympathy, but we make our choices and deal with our consequences. That's what consent is all about.

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 8:46:49 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LessThanKate
i think a lot of Dom/mes who aren't necessarily professional leave the option of a real LTR open when deciding to train or take on a sub.

That is certainly true in my case and in the case of possibly the majority of those I've talked to in any depth. I can and have had play sessions where I have had no real emotional bond with the bottom, that is just a bit of mutual fun. But to me taking on a sub (And I'm not talking just 24/7 but any kind of longer term situation) is something I couldn't do without some spark of emotional attachment or at least the potential of it. I can Top for fun but to be someones master I have to care.

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 1:16:58 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitalya

this is my first post so be kind lol. A lot of Dom/mes have mentioned that a sub or slave who is new will usually fall for their first trainer or Sir. There was even an article if i am correct on a website that said, quote on quote, that we are soft hearted and easily give it to those that sometimes don't deserve it. i wanted to know if this was actually very common indeed, or just something that was said to make the way someone feels typical and unrealistic. (Not from the website, but from the Dom/me's perspective.) That in turn, also brings up another question, how does a Sir deal with the knowledge of it all, and take on a sub/slave knowing they could so easily fall in "love?" It must take patience and time to make sure that there is no harm on both sides. At least i'd like to think so. Then again, wouldn't be the first time i've been wrong.

One last note, my heart aches for some who have posted on here. They're sadness radiates from their post, and it is unfair to feel such pain and to be treated so coldly and cruelly. With that said, i understand that maybe we are a bit too soft hearted.

keep smiling,
kitalya

It depends. The first relationship I had with a dominant I didn't fall in love with him. I went into it being fairly clear that I wasn't looking for an owner and neither of us thought that each other were the one.

I dated quite a few dominants before my relationship with my owner became serious and I fell in love with him. And the process of falling in love with him took a couple of years in of itself. I'm not particularly soft hearted (except for those few people that know me very well like my owner who can make me cry in about a heartbeat), but I also find in general I don't fit the typical descriptions for submissives that I hear.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 1/31/2006 1:18:10 PM >

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 2:40:01 PM

Crazytwice

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitalya

One last note, my heart aches for some who have posted on here. They're sadness radiates from their post, and it is unfair to feel such pain and to be treated so coldly and cruelly. With that said, i understand that maybe we are a bit too soft hearted.

Kitalya,
Never, ever be sorry to have an aching heart for others' sorrows. That is indeed a
wonderful quality. It may put you at risk at times, but feeling and caring and taking risks is the essence of our humanity. You may hear that it is a cornerstone in the makeup of a submissive personality, but I think a good dom will have this characteristic as well.

Just my humble opinion.
Sincerely,
CT

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 4:08:09 PM

MTslave

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
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I to have heard of this and quite often. I equated it to being something akin to the Florence Nightengale affect. Falling in love with doctors/nurses who have nursed one back to health. I think it's made into something more then what it really is but I'm sure it does happen.

On a saide note - Keep feeling, it's what makes people like you and I real

MTs slave

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Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 1/31/2006 10:14:06 PM

foxglove716

Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
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I fell in love with my first dom. I am inclined to say that I was *lucky* to find someone so kind, but it probably wasnt luck, since I was actively seeking someone with a kind heart to begin with. He was "soft hearted" as you mentioned and no, I dont think that is a submissive trait. We are no longer together, but he made a dramatically positive impact on my life. But your first dom, whether you fall in love with him or not, is a huge step in really getting to know yourself. If a dom has no interest or is not open to falling in love then he will tell you that if he is a responsible dom. Otherwise all is fair in love and handcuffs

Welcome to the boards

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Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

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RE: A slave/sub's first. - 2/1/2006 12:12:33 PM

subspaceinMD

Posts: 42
Joined: 8/31/2005
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It is something that at first we want to experience so badly that it clouds our judgement. The first Dom that i was with i convinced myself that i loved him, when in truth he was not a good match for me. Use patience and restraint (lol) when looking for someone, just like in vanilla relationships it takes time to really love someone. Now i am with someone that i truly have strong feelings for but it didn't happen right away. Good luck!

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